This is the Ultimate calorie builder. Whatever you do not order extra cheese... or extra meat... or anything else extra for that matter. This thing is to hamburger what Papa John's is to pizza, loaded with cheese. This is a great sandwich to anyone who shuns diet. You will literally feel your heart clogging as you eat it. Just to rub it in, you should wash it down with one of Jack in the Box delicious chocolate shakes.

We now view the construction of the Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger:

|         | Bun: Top layer, nessecary hand-hold.

|==||==||==| Bacon: Layer one, three strips

|==========| Cheese: nessecary bonding agent of beef and bacon

|          | Meat = 1/4 pound of juicy ground-cow goodness

|==========| More Cheese: Saturated Fat content now reaching appropriate fast food levels.

|          | More Meat = another 1/4 pound patty a grand total of 1/2 pound of artery clogging,
------------ protien rich USDA Approved Beef.

|==========| Even More Cheese: Escalating fat content to critical levels.

|==||==||==| More Bacon: 6 strips total, fat content near critical mass! The blend
                of Cow and Pig however achieve a sort of equilibrium staving off destruction.

|         | Bun: Bottom layer, usually found grease soaked
The Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger holds the unique distinction of being the only thing I have ever eaten that smelled exactly the same coming out as it did going in.

That's not to say it smelled bad going in. Actually, it smells rather nice; a bacony smell with a hint of cheesiness and beef. It tastes pretty damn good, too. One of my favorite burgers, though I have to be careful not to eat too many or I'd quickly build up to a heart attack.

But I'm quite serious when I say it smells exactly the same on the way out as it smells on the way in. Perhaps it's just me. I mean, normally, my poop smells like poop. Not that I pay much attention. But a day or so after eating a Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger, after it's had sufficient time to work its way through my bowels, the smell permeates my poo and completely overpowers the normal poo smell.

It's really kind of unnerving, when you think about it.

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