Everything2.com is so übercool that Bill Brasky sometimes comes and parties
with us. Yep, that's right, THE MAN himself swings by on occasion just to
catch up on the news, boink a few newbies and warp the fabric of the nodegel.
Turns out Bill Brasky actually wrote the original code for E2 on the back of a
napkin when he and Nate were quaffing a few martinis in a lounge at the Holiday
Inn in Des Moines...
Anyway, the big fella dropped in last Halloween for a gab
session with the Catbox crew that many noders will long remember:
--Note, some names have been changed to protect the innocent
<shyHyena> Bill...Bill...Br... (gurgles as throat is cut from behind)
<Lometa> Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go
get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally
Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.'
<Lometa> We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone
constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and
then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames,
'Always leave things the way you found em'
<briglass> Bill Brasky was 10 feet tall! No, 12!
<allseeingeye> "He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"
<allseeingeye> "I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
<Bill Brasky> Iron Man is gay.
<allseeingeye> Bill Brasky prefers gin to a glass of LSD!
<Sister Anna Livia> Bill Braskey made me who I am today.
<Sister Anna Livia> And I loved every minute of it.
<allseeingeye> I find the sister very attractive.
<IWhoSawTheFace> ASE it would be good if you could pair-bond with the
Nun. (S)he looks like a pity fuck would do h(im)er a world of good.
<Sister Anna Livia> There is no sex after Bill Brasky, IWSTF, believe
<allseeingeye> "He once inhaled a seagull."
<ac_hyper> I am dressed as a cool goth kiddie wearing all black.
Coworkers do not seem surprised, but I've been told I should wear collars more
often. How should I take this?
<allseeingeye> Take it standing, like Bill takes a shotgun blast
<pinocchio> Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!
<Sister Anna Livia> Bill Brasky is *my* son of a bitch!
<pinocchio> His memoirs are tattooed on Ruth Buzzi!
<Sister Anna Livia> I watched Bill Brasky make Sister Tallulah in the
back of a taxicab.
Terence the Teratoma is the tumor you don't take home to momma
<pinocchio> Bill Brasky pisses farm fresh orange juice
<Babraham Lincoln> Why does Bill Brasky's name appear in bold and not
mine? I am, after all, the President.
<Bill Brasky> I'm Bill Brasky.
<nota> servo is lever 5-and-up
<Simulacron3> checks to see if he is Level 5.
<Terence the Teratoma> You may have been president, Babe, but Bill
Brasky's got a better rack.
<thefez> ol' bill brasky gotta contract with the company back when the
chinamen were still layin the rails
TanisNikana goes from door to door getting candy as himself.
<Bill Brasky> I once punched a hole in a cow just to see what was
coming down the road, dude.
<ueni> here's to Bill Brasky
ueni drainsh a pint
mkb is now known as Funk Scientist
<Babraham Lincoln> Well, that does beat my rail-splitting feats. But
have you ever had smallpox? If not, I have something to share.
hashbrownie wanted to dress up as Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Noders
... sigh ...
thefez checks his lengthy list of innoculations
Orange Julius engineers a virus to circumvent thefez's innoculations
<Bill Brasky> I named my first four daughters 'smallpox.' Just thinking
on it brings tears to one of my eyes.
<Mitzi> I'm so glad that the religious right here in my town has
practically done away with Halloween. Nothing is as evil as a two-year-old in a
tiara and princess dress. I feel MUCH safer these days.
<mirv> VC It's a costume party, and he's not the only one.
<DejaMorgana> Things have changed, Squarepig. We have a union now. We
don't do the cannibalism thing anymore. That Tolkein guy, he done give us a bum
<RMSzero> i bet you people wish you were dressed like john bender
<Squarepig> i'm attempting to attract the saucer men. so that i may EAT
<Squarepig> GNASH GNASH! happy halloweeeeen and to all a good night!
<loquacious> Bill Brasky is the pooftah fairy.
<pinocchio> Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky went
<pinocchio> Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the
Banana Splits! He stomps and chews every one of them with a machete. They all
begged for their lives... except Fleagle.
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky once ate the Bible while water
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky date raped David Bowie.
<TenMinJoe> Bill Brasky framed Roger Rabbit
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky came over and smoked all the cigars
in my house. When he wasn't satisfied, he smoked my playing cards.
<bananaramaus> He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! ... And he
<Executionatrix GiGi> Bill Brasky ... oooh. There's a real man. Who
pays real C-notes to keep his secrets quiet ....
<bananaramaus> I once saw him breast feed a flamingo back to health.
<QXZ> Bill Brasky is so manly he shattered his homenode picture.
<bananaramaus> I hate Bill Brasky... but I respect him!
<bananaramaus> He makes his grandchildren call him 'The Anal
<kthejoker> I think in a perfect world, we're all Bill Brasky.
<Bill Brasky> Nevermind what it means. Say it.
<PTBee> Bill Brasky nodes for numbers and gets away with it!
<Raspy> Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each
chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled
with ricotta cheese.
<ueni> I hate Bill Brasky, but I respect him.
<georgejmyersjr> Toast to Bill Brasky, may he always have a manicotti
<kthejoker> He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
<georgejmyersjr> I'm sure it was ticked pink, his breast that is....
<ueni> Bill Brasky mentored Cool Man Eddie when they were living in a
tent in Nepal.
<Raspy> He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
<Terence the Teratoma> Hell, Bill Brasky *sodomized* Cool Man Eddie. He
said it would "teach him right."
<PTBee> Bill Brasky ate Admiral Stockdale, but spat out the beard.
<ueni> Bill Brasky invented the internet on the back of a napkin while
he was taking a dump at Superbowl XX.
<althorrat> ah. it all makes sense now.
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky once ate a sheep testicle on a dare.
It was still attached to the sheep.
<Bill Brasky> He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he
<PTBee> Bill Brasky looked Order dead in the eye and spit in its' belly
<ueni> To Bill Brasky!!~
<ueni> I took a picture of Bill Brasky once. After I got it developed I
hung it on my refridgerator. Long story short, photo-brasky raids my ice-box and
then eats my pets in the middle of the night... >
<ueni> and I'll be damned if he didn't crap out Muffin three days
later, healthy as a horse!
<loquacious> Bill Brasky once wanted a little salad with his buffalo
steak, and the remnants are still there to this day.
<PTBee> Bill Brasky raised my taxes, and forced me to like it!
<ueni> After that I heard the LAPD were after him, they sent 500 squad
cars in a chase that got to 140 miles an hour! They lost him when he took off on
foot in LAX!
<ueni> ...his middle name is Egmont.
<EDB> Bite my shiny metal ass!
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky makes his own sausages. And his own
<PTBee> Ugh EDB you need a manicure..badly!
<runaway> Did you know Bill Brasky parted the Red Sea once, like Moses?
<ueni> Only he parted it to one side, because that was the style at the
time! To BILL BRASKY!
<PTBee> EDB washes Bill Brasky's balls...
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky kept his old baby bottle, for
sentimental reasons. It still has a half-pint of Jack in it.
<kerawall> William Weatherbee Brasky IV, esquire.
<Casu Marzu> Is that like Janis's bottle of Southern Comfort?
<Terence the Teratoma> When they cancelled "Three's Company,"
Bill Brasky vowed revenge. And he got it.
<ueni> I heard his passport photo will blind you if you look at it too
<runaway> Brasky's hand strength is incredible, if he squeezes a
diamond in his palm it turns back into coal.
<ueni> He once made Bob Barker eat a live sea urchin.
<Raspy> Bill Brasky spent five years hunting down the man who killed
his wife. He finally found him in a juice bar in Boca Rotan. By this time,
Brasky has a pretty good beard going, so the guy doesn't recognize him.
<loquacious> He once made a sea urchin eat Bob Barker...
<Raspy> Brasky lets him have it, reads him the riot act and everything.
The poor guy tried to apologize, but Brasky gave him the cold shoulder.
<PTBee> Bill Brasky can put a hunk of shale between his butt cheeks and
squeeze out oil from it...
<Bambizilla> I see the Bill Brasky club is in full attendance.
<Casu Marzu> Bill Brasky once visited the Pope. The pope was so
impressed with Brasky's hat that he offered to swap hats, but ol'Bill couldn't
bear to part with his.
<runaway> Brasky takes his coffee two cream, two sugar, and three
<bananaramaus> Bill Brasky once XP Pack Raped TheBooBooKitty
<ueni> Bill's parents were Paul Bunyan and that ox, Blue.
<Casu Marzu> This was the same hat, of course, that had saved Brasky's
life after he fell off the cliff in Utah while running from Vinny 'Coffee Bean'
Ambrosiano, head of the Salt Lake City crime family.
<Bambizilla> A short-lived homenode picture revealed that Bill Brasky
has two sea urchins and a rather longish sea cuccumber as part of his anatomy.
Don't touch the sea cuccumber.
<runaway> ...and one of his grandparents on Blue's side is a Komodo
<Heisenberg> there's some bloke topping the users list I've never seen
BILL BRASKY, explain yourself...
<Walter> I heard Brasky went to the moon, killed all the moonmen, made
delicious moonjuice from their pulverized bones, and called it Slim-Fast.
<Casu Marzu> Three weeks later, as Brasky staggered into a motel on the
outskirts of Reno, he jumped into the swimming pool and yelled, "I LOVE
Heisenberg hands walter his psychotropic drugs...
<runaway> Those McDonald's signs should really say "Over 99
Billion Served to BRASKY"!
<Bambizilla> BB is Klaproth in halloween disguise. Don't disturb himmer
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky is a lot like Captain Kangaroo, only
with more man-raping
<ueni> I hear he once used Prince Charles as a pogo stick.
<amnesiac> It was Bill Brasky's idea to make the colour elements in
Schindler's List red, they were originally going with blue.
<PTBee> Besides I thought the ringleader of the Salt Lake Crime family
was Pimp Daddy Elder Tobias!
<runaway> Bill Brasky is the patron saint of rug burns!
<bananaramaus> dannye once deleted one of Bill Brasky's writeups.
Brasky drove all the way to Arkansas in an electric golf cart and made him
<ueni> BILL BRASKY let the DOGS OUT!
<Heisenberg> you are all weird...
<Bambizilla> One two Bill Blaskys were sitting in a bar ...
<Casu Marzu> Brasky sauntered dripping into the lobby, put a quarter in
a nearby slot machine, and won the $500 jackpot. He took the hat off to catch
all the coins that were pouring out of the machine, and out fell a half gallon
of water and a solid gold >>
<runaway> Brasky shot the sherrif AND the deputy!
<Casu Marzu> >> Book of Mormon, which he sold to the Christian
Scientist Reading Room for $20.
<ueni> ...and he drives a car! Well, I guess that's pretty normal.
<PTBee> Brasky had sex with Whoopi Goldberg, and didn't go blind!
<runaway> Brasky's personalized license plate is a picture of him
beating up Burt Reynolds!
<ueni> Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch, but I respect him.
<Casu Marzu> After that, he gathered together some friends and they
were off for frisco, but his car broke down in the Donner Pass and they were
forced to kill and eat the frat boy.
<Bambizilla> He can drive a car, but he can't drive my car.
<PTBee> Actually Brasky drives a car made from the bones of
<Casu Marzu> Several truckers offered him a lift, but ol' Brasky was a
stickler for tradition and waited until the spareribs were done.
<Bambizilla> Bill can piss into the wind and change its direction.
<Casu Marzu> . o O ( sob. I'm talking to myself )
<bananaramaus> One time Brasky was at the zoo and brutally raped a
polar bear! He still sends her a card every year at Christmas.
<runaway> Brasky did all the special effects for the Star Wars movies
using only finger puppets.
<Bambizilla> CM we're all talking to ourselves. Except for Bill, of
<ueni> If he thinks real hard, he can change into a '69 mustang, like a
<Casu Marzu> The conductor on the ferry from Oakland tried to make
Brasky take his hat off. Brasky told the conductor, "I barely know
you!" and tossed him in the bay.
<Bambizilla> Brasky collects trick 'r treaters and returns them in the
<ueni> The jaws of life are based on Brasky's dental records.
<Terence the Teratoma> Brasky axe-kicked Jacques Cousteau for a dollar.
<runaway> I hear he uses Excalibur to shave.
<PTBee> Aw heck Albert Belle collects trick or treaters too....with the
front grille of his truck!
<Terence the Teratoma> When his plane crashed in the South Pacific,
Brasky systematically ate his copassengers. One a week, every week, for twelve
weeks. When he was discovered, his rescuers pointed out that Brasky's
"deserted island" was only 12 miles from Guam. He knew.
<ueni> Anyway, he eventually cracked the Enigma Code but those punks,
Turing and Church never thanked him for it.
<georgejmyersjr> Bill Blasky bought it back!
<Angry Emu> "Bill Brasky" Absurd Liberal Myth
<Casu Marzu> For about six months, Hennepin worked as longshoreman
while Brasky was the fancy man at a whorehouse in the Tenderloin. Then one day
Hennepin disappeared, and Brasky was faced with filling out that Workmen's Comp
<runaway> Brasky went back in time and built stonehenge. It's actually
part of the world's largest still!
<Raspy> In high school, the track and field team used Brasky's penis
for the high jump bar. They took second in regionals his senior year.
<Casu Marzu> Brasky eventually discovered that Hennepin had been
shanghaied onto a whaling ship returning to Nantucket. He hijacked a Vanderbuilt
steamboat and set off in pursuit.
Teiresias orders in another 100 gallons of holy water and sharpens the
stakes, ready for the invasion of the undead
<QXZ> That's just Walter DRESSED as an emu.
Angry Emu raises an eyebrow at Walter
<Casu Marzu> He caught up with the whaler just as they were rounding
Cape Horn in a storm. Brasky rammed the whaler with his steamboat. Three days
later, with all hands lost, Brasky dragged himself onto the Patagonian
<ueni> Bill Brasky has five o'clock shadow at 430 the previous day.
<Casu Marzu> It took him two weeks to walk to Punta Arenas, having to
chase down rheas for food and eggs. After working as a bouncer at a fish auction
for six months, he had enough for his steamship ticket to Buenos Aires.
<Casu Marzu> By then, he had passable Spanish, and was able to get
passage to New York as a tutor/bodyguard to a general's son bound for Princeton.
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky once frenched a rat.
<Raspy> Bill Brasky's ejaculate can escape the Earth's gravity.
<Casu Marzu> Brasky had to kill several crewmembers who attempted to
compromise the young man's virtue. Their parting at Castle Garden was
embarrasingly emotional but one of Barnum's agents spotted Brasky and offered
him a ridiculous salary to be a fire eater.
<briglass> Bill Brasky once quelled a bolshevic revolution with his
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky cuts and shapes his own fiberglass.
<Casu Marzu> After about six weeks of this humdrum existence, Brasky
became restless again and decided to visit his old flame Angelique in Chicago.
<Walter> I heard Brasky can make a nuclear bomb out of one of his
toenails, a donut, and a tooth from a baby hippo.
<Casu Marzu> On the train, Brasky received a telegram from Miguel back
in Princeton, saying that the Provost was making 'googly-eyes' at him.
Lord Brawl despairs of understanding his inbox.
<amnesiac> One time Bill Brasky sneezed and the water droplets formed a
42" Plasma TV that was PAL as well as NTSC compatible.
<briglass> Bill Brasky's morning breath is so fierce that Hopi Indians
use it as a fire kiln for pottery.
<Casu Marzu> Brasky was arguing with a ticket-vendor in Altoona, trying
to get his ticket changed, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Brasky
wheeled, fists at the ready. But who should it be but old Hennepin, now a vicuña
<Raspy> In Nam, Bill jumped on a grenade to save his CO. It blew a hole
in his sternum the size of a mason jar. That's what he used later to incubate
the fetus of his first clone.
<Casu Marzu> Hennepin sent one of his yes-men to New Jersey to get
Miguel straightened out, and they continued on to Chicago where Angelique was
delighted to see them both. Less pleased to see them was her husband, a former
guanaco hat tycoon fallen on hard times>>
<kthejoker> Bill Brasky once ate twenty eight lemons between a
<kthejoker> And then he hocked a loogie in my face and my nose melted.
<briglass> Theodore Roosevelt tried to pass off one of Bill Brasky's
jogging trails as the Panama Canal.
<kthejoker> I hate Bill Brasky ... but I respect him.
<Casu Marzu> >> due to the vicuña fad started by Brasky's former
sidekick. The guanaco tycoon challenged Hennepi into a duel but Brasky shot him
before the glove hit the ground. They fled to Rome, always one step ahead of the
<kthejoker> Bill Brasky gave Justin Timberlake his lovely falsetto by
removing his gonads with a broken light bulb.
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky sleeps standing up, and he pisses
hanging from the ceiling.
<kthejoker> Bill Brasky's blackface won him several Tony Awards
throughout the 1970s.
<briglass> Bill Brasky harvests Guatamelan pigmies in his backyard for
<kthejoker> Bill Brasky likes to hang from the rafters while drinking
his daily liter of infant blood.
<Terence the Teratoma> Bill Brasky thinks hockey is for fags.
<jefewe> Bill Brasky was once so hung over he drank the entire contents
of the Twin Buttes Montana water fountain.
<Casu Marzu> Pinkerton himself bribed the head of the carabineri to
haul Brasky in on a trumped-up vagrancy charge. But a magnificent vicuña hat
arrived at the Lateran Palace one day. It wasn't long before Brasky was standing
before Pius X himself, having >>
<kthejoker> Bill Brasky regularly dons a William Shatner mask and slays
people on Halloween to keep the fear alive.
<Terence the Teratoma> When Bill Brasky had his testicular cancer
removed, the tumor was a perfectly-formed miniature Bill Brasky, complete with a
miniature bottle of whiskey.
<briglass> Bill Brasky has the decapitated heads of forty eight former
sovereign nations trophied in his smallest bathroom.
<Casu Marzu> >> to kiss the pontiff's ring. It reminded Brasky of
Salt Lake City. Then he heard, "Cool hat! Wanna trade?" The Pope
wasn't too happy with his refusal, no matter how polite, and so it was steerage
back to New York. THE END (?)
<jefewe> Bill Brasky is thee only person to ever successfully piss all
the way up a 50 ft rope.
wertperch wonders just what the feckin' heck is going on
<Bill Brasky> I'm Bill Brasky.
<kthejoker> Bill Brasky goes 45 in the left lane with his turn signal
wertperch waves vaguely at Bill Brasky and checks the nametag in his pants,
in case that's also changed
<jefewe> Now Bill, I didn't mean what I said about you at the Nobel
prizes, I know your intentions towards Miss Kounicova were entirely honorable.
<briglass> Bill Brasky is a silicon based life form.
<briglass> Bill Brasky has procreated out of his species thrice.
<Bill Brasky> I'm Bill Brasky.
<Raspy> Brasky uses a three wood which he carved out of his own femur.
<jefewe> It was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian
<briglass> Bill Brasky once told people all over the world to
simultaneously shut up using his fingers.
<kbatman> Bill Brasky once set fire to a group of Buddhist monks,
because they were blocking his spot.
<kbatman> One time I licked Bill Brasky's armpit. and my tongue turned
into solid gold.
<kbatman> Like it or not, Bill Brasky's contract calls for seven
virgins a day, and your wife meets the criteria.
(Content Editors) (45.2 min) Apatrix says From your hosts Bill Brasky (dem bones), Terence the Teratoma (Cletus the Foetus) and Pumpkin Blossom (yours truly), thank you for taking part in our little Halloween dress-up party. Except for Quizro, who wanted to sleep in his costume, we think that everyone has been restored to their former self without problems.
<LavaLamp> /me *groans* OMFG! My head hurts, my mouth tastes like an ashtray and I woke up dressed in a tutu. That gawddam Bratsky sure knows how ta throw a party!
For Fair Use compliance purposes all writeups in this node are considered jointly -GrouchyOldMan.