No!! Never pollute your pure, untainted bacon sandwich with bits of plant and never EVER splodge dollops of mayonnaise on it.

To make the perfect bacon sandwich you require two slices of bread: not just any old bread, mind you, but the cheap pre-sliced white bread with no nutritional value whatever that you normally avoid like the plague. Butter this bread. One side only (we don't want the sandwich slipping through your fingers at a crucial moment), and in the name of your preferred deity, please use real butter. Margarine just will not do.

Now prepare your bacon. You'll want two, maybe three rashers in that there sandwich. For those worried about silly little things such as heart disease, cholesterol levels and saturated fats you can grill your bacon: but the true bacon sandwich connoisseur will always fry it. (Tip of the Day: if you get a non-stick frying pan you will only need a minimal amount of oil in which to fry your bacon. Healthy!)

Ideally you will be using nice back bacon, certainly not streaky. Rindless is a modern variation on the idea, but one that I personally approve of. Smoked or unsmoked is completely down to personal preference. Once your bacon is at the required degree of cooked-ness (once again personal preference rules the roost), skilfully flick the rashers into the waiting bread. Top off with ketchup or brown sauce (or just eat it naked if you're that way inclined) and experience culinary heaven.

Bacon sandwiches, a staple of British builders the world over, are the easiest and most nourishing/filling of all hot snacks that:

a) do not come in plastic packs with symbols vaguely related to microwaving


b) take roughly 10 minutes to make.

For the simplest bacon sandwich (and, IMHO, the tastiest) follow these simple instructions...
  1. Get TWO rashers of bacon. One is too little-three is too much. TWO.
  2. Fry the bacon. Do not grill it, fry it. The health benefits do not outweigh the taste me on this, OK? Don't use olive oil, vegetable oil leaves a purer taste.
  3. While the bacon is frying, apply ketchup to the bread, or even better barbecue sauce. Do not taint yon sandwich with anything that was at some point a green plant or attached to a green plant (apart from, of course, the bread and the sauce) or butter. Butter does not taste good with ketchup! At all!
  4. The bacon should be done now, so give it a little bit of mayo on top. Yes mayo. Mayo + bacon = fun treat, so just spread a little bit on the bacon. Thus, you do not get mayoless bacon or baconless mayo.
  5. Place bacon upon bread. Close up sandwich.
  6. Eat, and wash down with a shandy and liberal doses of Butterfinger McFlurry.


Just remember:

Public transport companies will fob you off with a roll with a thin rasher of bacon inside and a splodge of ketchup! This is not a bacon sandwich, this is a culinary abomination! Avoid like the plague.

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