When I was eleven, it was something to want, very badly, in order to feel like I was 'growing up'. At fourteen, it was something to be very ashamed of, thus I made very good friends with razors and waxes. At twenty-two, all I can say is, 'Why?'.

Pubic hair is a strange material, or fur, sprouting from the nether regions of the human body. Some is straight, some curly, some purple, some waxed out of existence. I figure some godhead or deity came up with the ploy in order to keep our delicate parts safe from intrusive objects.

Think about it. Wherever there is an intended orifice, one we were born with, there is generally hair. Nose, ears, even eyes have hair to keep particles and general shmegma out. Why not the genitals? There are openings there too, yes/no?

Granted, I hate the stuff, on me anyway. I understand to some extent its purpose. I, for one, am extremely happy we developed pants. So I can shave to my heart's content and not worry about strange flying objects molesting me on a normal basis.

Which brings me to this question: Will there come a time when we evolve so much, that pubic hair will become as useless as flat foreheads? Or will we be doomed to carry around our own hairiness like a second appendix? Just wondering.

No, and here's why:

Pubic Hair is a barrier, yes, keeping nast away from holes, but really, how much hair is there around your mouth? Couple this with the fact that, on the male anatomy there is an ample amount of hair and none of it is adjacent to said orifice. Consider, in addition, the front lawn that really couldn't be there to screen out much of anything.

No, pubic hair serves a different function.

If you are a male, or are French, lift up your arm and inspect the point where it joins the torso. You will note a presence of hair and a corrosponding lack of any sort of orifice. Curious, isn't it?

The hair is there to reduce friction between these meeting planes of skin.

"But", you say, "What about the pubic hair? There's no other appendage of your body that rubs against that on a regular basis and would need hairy lubrication! Your theory is flawed!"

To this I reply "You're right. I'm not worried about my skin rubbing against that area, I'm worried about someone else's."

Yes, that's right, its there to prevent chafing and friction -- damage to that oh-so-sensitive skin -- in the most evolutionarily advantageous of acts itself. Not only this, it can actually serve to stimulate the skin somewhat -- tiny hairs running across sensitive nerves...

So, unless we develop sexless reproduction, we will remain with a lawn.

Like most everyone else, my supplemental hair began in the pubic region. As I approached my middle teen years I developed chest hair and facial hair. I experienced the "cool, I'm growing up" phenomenon. I can't recall experiencing shame for these traits.

Well, as fate would have it, my Dark Lord, Testosterone was not through with me yet. I began to develop some hair on my shoulders and back. This was the first time I remember feeling distanced from my peers.

...one of these things is not like the other...

My general hairiness, my above average height, and my proclivity for going barefoot to my college classes earned me the moniker, "Sasquatch", and with somewhat lesser frequency, "Bear." Fortunately, any possible negative connotations my brain could have summoned regarding this nickname were quashed by my friends' assurances that I was a most wonderful sasquatch and without peer. I was, indeed, their favorite sasquatch. I felt warm, accepted, and furry. Innocence never lasts.

One fateful Sunday morning, I sat down to enjoy a double feature of kung-fu hijinks and giant-rubber-monster mayhem. Returning to the tube early during a commercial break, I saw a cosmetic goddess announcing items from her "turn offs" list.

"...people who are mean to puppies, Jew-killing Nazi bastards, baby rapers...and hairy shoulders..."

Slow motion plate tumbles from a numbed hand. Two slices of cheese toast BOTH manage to land wrong side up. Coca-Cola jettisons from nostrils in a tribute to Gojira's rage.

Did that uppity bitch just say what I think she said?!?!?!
Okay, Okay. My remembrance of her quote might be significantly affected by hyperbole. But the hairy shoulders bit was real. It was in there.

Now, I realize the woman was just reading from a script and if I ran into her today, I would probably not go all Rorschach on her ass.

I had been force fed from the tree of media wisdom and had a base animal urge to scrabble for fig leaves to cover my embarrassment.

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