: At 10, I move
d to Japan
. I got depressed
. Until I broke down
at 16, no one realized I was depressed (except me, who thought there was something majorly wrong
with me :/ and I was right
Cut to Feb 2000: I moved again, third or fourth time in 6 years. When our stuff comes in, all I can do is pick up things and remember my friends and remember the better times. I cry constantly, alone. My mom finds me, wonders whats wrong. I go to therapy.
Mar 2000: I find a good supportive group of friends. They dont know what I'm going through, but would help me if I asked them.
May 5 2000: They send me to a psychiatrist who puts me on Zoloft. All is well, I cant cry even when I NEED to.
May 20 2000: My friend's parents are out of town. We head over there (like 8 of us). I drink some, smoke some. I hit my head twice trying to lay down and start crying. I scream at everyone how much they hate me. They reassure me that they dont. And I yell at them to fuck off. I get to know my bf better (before we were going out). He baby sat me that night. And I yelled at him. Alot.
late July 2000: I havent gone to the psych. since early May. I test myself to see if I can take being off them. I last 3 days. I cry and cry and fall apart. I separate myself from my friends and boyfriend. They all wonder what's wrong with me. I go back on pills.
early Aug 2000: I go camping for a week with my family and my friend. I forget pills. I almost start crying while trying on clothes :/. I get home, bitch at everyone, take pills. I get better.
mid Aug 2000: I dont try anything. I stay happy and sweet to all.
late Aug 2000: I try staying off for a few days. 4th day, I realize I need some. I take 75mg (as opposed to normal 100mg). I dont take it next three days. I close myself off from everyone. I feel outcasted though I'm not. I talk to my boyfriend for a long time about it. He reassures me that he'll always be there for me and that everyone loves me.
Sep 1 2000: I get back on pills. I hope to be happy and not get mad at my bf at all. He doesnt deserve it. At all.
Sep 18, 2000: I am always in a rush in the morning, so I rarely take my Zoloft. Oh well. I figure, if I break down again, I'll remember better.
Future updates will be periodically.
In a response to redgirlie saying that she would never take medication, I must say that I was not in the right frame of mind when I started. I am amazingly glad I did though. It was probably the main thing that let me socialize, and get included in the group of friends I have now. I went from being quiet, shy, and to the point of writing and rewriting suicide notes to being outgoing and amazingly self-expressive. I stopped the self mutilation known as cutting, which I have scars from (well, on a side note, in some of my worse recent episodes have left me with more...).
I really dont think that people who have not had major depression can say that they do not like the idea of meds. Meds can be like a stepping stone to a better self. Or they can be an addiction. It depends on the type and the person. Zoloft is not addictive, and as you can see from everything above this, it helped me surpass the darkest times of my life so far. Well, it helped me get over them. People who dont know what its like to shut themselves in their room to cry (for nothing, really) for more than two hours a night. They dont realize that it can get so far that people cut themselves to get release.