So... it's happening to me again... the loneliness thing. Egad, it gets to be bothersome. I miss all kinds of things about having female companionship. Laughs, conversation, reading together, sharing, touching, sex, kissing, holding, learning each others' crazy little habits, sleeping... oh, hell, I miss the whole thing. I hate waking up in bed alone, no one to smile at. I know my living situation isn't conducive to having a mate or girlfriend right now, but that doesn't mean I don't miss it.
Warm skin next to me on a cold winter night- I'm missing that more than anything these days.
For me, it's less about the raunchy side of things and more about the intimacy. When I was a kid I didn't experience much in the way of intimacy, always shying away from hugs and whatnot. But now, getting closer to thirty years of age every day, I've learned what I was missing as a kid and I'm finding that I miss it even more. Of course, I miss the love, but I miss the other stuff, too. It's been ages since I've had a good argument with a woman where I felt invested in it, where it was more like sparring than fighting. I miss making up afterwards- saying and hearing "I'm sorry."
Some people revel in their loneliness. Sometimes I appreciate it, being able to do what I want when I want to, but more often than not I find myself wanting. Even in the dark, I look at the pillow and wonder how different the contours would be if someone else's head was resting on it with me. To wake up one sunny morning, the light streaming through the windows, and seeing strands of her hair intermingled with mine.
Spring will be here sooner than we might expect. In April there is a good chance that I will have to move to another home. Maybe I'll have a better chance at love the next go-around. It would be so nice to love with the seasons.