I'm starting to feel bad...like, as bad as I get, this is it. I feel like I did last April
when I just reached for everything
I could to stop the pain or deaden it just a little
. There was a pain
that had no name that was tearing me up inside.
The difference between now and then is that now the pain has a name, several in fact, and one of them, the big one, just happens to be myself.
This is a very lonely place to be...because no one understands what I'm feeling inside, and worse, no one even tries. No one cares, and I can feel a few, on the periphery...sure they may care but they've seen it so many times. I mean, how many times can a girl cry wolf? If I were on the outside I'd probably feel the same way, but no one outside understands that every day it's a new pain, every day it feels just as bad as the first time you saw me like this. All I want is a goddamn hug or something, can people at least pretend that they care? I just get helpless looks and helpless feelings from helpless people who haven't the slightest idea how to reach me so they decide it's just best to leave me alone.
Precisely the problem.
I'm sorry that this is such a depressing daylog. Sometimes writing is the only way to get things out.