Dream Log: May 17, 2000

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My mind went all over the place again last night.

Some fragments:

• An important game in a European soccer league was played in the small empty lot next to my parents' house. In reality a house is being built there at the moment, but in my dream it was still a small field. A huge noisy audience was watching the game, and in half time a tractor was used to smooth the field. (?)
• The E2 community had started its own radio station. And I don't mean a net radio, but a real and international one. There was some heavy argument among high-level noders going on, and I was commenting it on the chatterbox with others.

I was holding a gun. It's some soft of assault rifle, but I'd never know what kind it is because I've never held one of course. Anyways, I was holding this rifle, and I didn't do anything else but to remove the ammunition from it. The only problem is that one round is chambered in the rifle, so I looked for something... a lever on the rifle looks like something I would pull to remove the last bullet, so I pulled that lever. The bullet came out of the rifle, and I was okay. The rifle is now clear of ammunition and it's ready.

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I would have started watching Chicago Hope a long time ago if I'd known Juliana Margulies was on it too. Carrie Weaver was worried about her job performance and asked the red-haired freaky intern how she was doing. He shuffled from foot to foot and waved his arms around. Later, he asked whatshername the red-haired girl from That 70s Show what was wrong with her. She pretended it was nothing but he could tell from the way she walked. Tom Cruise was angry about the patient who kept getting naked and playing grab-ass in the elevator.

A creepy man came over to visit my grandmother with some made-up reason for being there, but really he wanted Advil.

I was selling things on Ebay - a red plate, a cd, a shoe, packaged together.

Taking a bread-making class. Why did she have to be so MEAN? And she was wrong about the butter.

every now and again when i get weirded out or frustrated with life, i feel an urgent drive to cut my own hair. last night i dreamt that i did exactly that, but instead of my usual all around chop job, i grabbed a huge handfull of hair from the front of my head, and cut it off about one inch long. it couldn't really be hidden well, or styled as short bangs... it looked absolutely retarded and as i stood in the mirror looking at myself i said "why couldn't i just leave well enough alone?"

My sister died in my dreams last night. She is the single most valuable member of my family to me, and everyone at the funeral kept following me around, waiting for me to completely break down. I wouldn't, not in front of them. At one point, someone I work with who I couldn't recognize (my new boss?) came to offer me some comfort by saying to me, "All the old timers at the store really wanted to be here." I didn't care about that kind of comfort. I just couldn't believe it had happened. She was so young, and now she was dead.

I sought out Julia's husband, Doug, to see how he was doing, and he had the same trail of expectant followers, ready to put him back together when he broke. There was a girl there, who attached herself on to Doug, and it was obvious, somehow, that they had gotten involved. She had beautiful braids, and the lost look of a junkie. The three of us got away from our mobs and started meandering over this beautiful green hilly landscape. She turned to me and said that she was going to go seduce someone for money since she didn't want to be a burden to Doug. It came to me that she was using Doug, and now she would drop him. I felt sorrow even as I noticed how much her hair sparkled in the sunlight. She walked away from us and there was Julia, surrounded by sparkling light. She told us not to worry, since the girl didn't have much time left anyway. We turned just in time to see the girl going through a huge, white, elaborate gate out of the meadow, suddenly surrounded by sparkling light herself. Then they were both gone, and the cat batted at my face, and I was awake.

I dreamed about hills, and rivers.

I dreamed Georgia, I dreamed Montana.

I dreamed of forests stretching off to the horizon...

I dreamed a bulldozer and a man with a chainsaw killing it all.

I woke up sad.

I believe this dream happened in about an hour and a half of sleep I managed to get after waking up far too early. Whatever else I dreamed earlier was lost.

• I went down to some otherwise uninhabited Caribbean island, but I didn't go alone or just take my SO or immediate family, no, for some reason an entourage of about 20,000 people went with me.
• When we got there, there were a bunch of wooden buildings of various sorts for the people to live in (it must have once been inhabited, but the people left or died or something). But as the leader of this group, I lived in a metal RV trailer.
• I was trying to spell something on the side of the trailer with those alphabet refrigerator magnets for kids but I couldn't find the right letters.

Gums. It's all about gums.

How did my gums get so big? Pulling my lips apart, my gums stretch down all the way to my chin and reach up all the way to just below my eyes. Is this how they'd look if I lost my teeth? No, no, they're not just relatively big... they've grown! My mouth isn't smaller, it's just like.. my lips have come loose from my mouth or something. If you reached down far enough, you could pull off my face now!

Eventually I get tired of poking and prodding and develop the muscular control to make great big freakish Cheshire Cat grins, only with the normal amount of teeth an island in an ocean of gum. I've never spent so much of a dream watching myself in a mirror before.

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