This is the official wh0rg list of things to be done with an AOL CD. By moJoe and Thyme
  1. Handy dandy coaster tray!
  2. Attach keys to it.
  3. Put a sturdy stick on it and use it as a fly swatter.
  4. Normal hockey pucks too small? Glue several AOL CDs together and you’re off!
  5. Got a fussy baby? Build a AOL mobile and hang it over her crib! (Make sure too cover up the AOL logo. You wouldn’t want to traumatize the poor child; would you?)
  6. Butt buffing.
  7. Use a razor blade and our handy stencil to create a ninja star! Please use responsibly.
  8. Smash up several CDs and use the shiny side to create an avant-garde masterpiece.
  9. Mail several thousand of the CDs back to AOL Headquarters. (Make sure to ruin the CDs first, you wouldn’t want AOL mailing them out again!)
  10. Tile your floor with them.
  11. Put one in the microwave for 10 seconds. Only do this if you have a spare microwave sitting around.
  12. Really, really cool shingles for your house.
  13. Hood ornaments.
  14. If you’re ever stuck on a desert island, grab one of the AOL CDs bound to be nearby and use it to signal passing ships.
  15. Flash your friends in the eyes. (wh0rg cannot be held responsible for eye damage resulting from this use of the AOL CD)
  16. Above use also good for distracting the opposing team at sporting events.
  17. AOL plate mail. AOL CDs make nearly impenetrable suit of armor. Protect yourself as you storm Microsoft HQ.
  18. Recycle. Not as fun as other methods, but better for the environment.
  19. Use one for a clock face.
  20. Sharpen and serrate one and use it as a replacement circular saw blade.
  21. Makeshift Chakram.
  22. Bake one into a cake and send it to your favorite inmate. We’re not sure how, but we think a resourceful con could use it to escape from prison.
  23. Frisbee!
  24. Forget crosses, garlic, and holy water, nothing scares off the undead like a buggy ass AOL 5.0 CD.
  25. Target for your BB gun! Tape a piece of paper over the hole in the middle, so you know if you got a bull’s eye.
  26. Use them to block the microwaves the aliens are beaming at you. It’s cheaper than aluminum foil.
  27. AOL arts and crafts for camp!
  28. A beautiful AOL chandelier.
  29. Replace your friend’s Half-Life CD with a spare AOL one. (This is a very vicious prank, and should not be taken lightly.)
  30. Install it on your friend’s computer. (This is right up there with peeing on the toilet seat, being a telemarketer or a Scientologist, do not be surprised if you burn for this one.)
  31. Install it on every computer you come across. (This will make you a tool in the schemes of the AOL corperate megalith and will sentence your soul to eternal damnation in the darkest pits of hell. *Not recommended*)
  32. Scrape the label off and make pretty rainbow beads!
  33. Replace your friends prosthetic leg with one made from melted AOL CD’s.
  34. Giant refractive telescopes.
  35. Carrie 2… Now with AOL!
  36. Collect them year-round and hand them out at Halloween.
  37. Sharpen the edges and use them as a pizza wheel.
  38. Projectiles, projectiles, projectiles… (we cannot stress this one enough).
  39. Take a large black marker, write “Eh, Eh, how do you like it fucker?” on 40,000 of them and bulk mail them to Steve Case.
  40. Use them instead of the reflective thingies on your bike.
  41. Having a big shin dig? Run a few through a shredder and use them for swanky mirrored stir sticks.
  42. Take a hammer to a few hundred of them and paste them to a beach ballINSTANT DISCO.
  43. Scratch out the AOL logo (leaving behind the “100 FREE HOURS!” part), In its place write “’s Nasty Ho’bag Emporium and Smut Shoppe” and hand them out on a street corner.
  44. Give them to panhandlers.
  45. Go to a corporate Money Lender, hand them numerous AOL disks with Chinese writing etched on them and insist they are obscure Asian coinage that you would like to exchange.
  46. Wear one around your neck on a big gold chain, start a trend just like Flavor Flave did back in the 80’s!
  47. Hire someone you want dead to hand them out at a LINUX convention.
  48. ACME© COCK MIRROR™®: She can watch her self while she leaves a few hot lipstick rings around Mr. Perky. --$19.00
  49. Stick one in a box with a FURBY™ a TICKLE ME ELMO™ doll, some JAR JAR© Merchandise a couple BEANIE BABIES™ and a Windows 98 CD, label it Pandora’s Box…..
  50. Put one in your hair… you too can look like a Jetson.
  51. Who needs clay pigeons? “PULL!”
  52. If you ever decide to remake an Ed Wood movie, you can always use them in lieu of paper plates to represent the invading alien hordes.
  53. Circular knives (just don’t grip the sharpened side) slit the necks of Corporate Scum with dreadful accuracy.
  54. Feed them to your neighbor’s annoying dog.
  55. Get a blowtorch and make contemporary art sculptures.
  56. Donate them to the Salvation Army (We suggest around 20,000 or so in one of their “donation boxes”).
  57. Melt several million and make your very own liquid metal T-1000.
  58. Create the worlds most obnoxious “House of mirrors”.
  59. Make a new tourist attraction by creating the BIG-BALL-O-AOL (only recommended if you live in the rural Midwest).
  60. To inspire REAL terror, attach one to a brick, tie a threatening message to it and throw it through some random person’s window. Run like hell.
  61. Sell them to AOL users :P