Hello August 7 2000 - you are indeed going to be a day of weirdness, sadness and emotional confusion.

Having just returned to London from an ill advised 'mates' holiday in Newquay (Cornwall, England) I awoke to the unusual feeling of not being incredibly hung-over and my mouth feeling like a mouth rather than the inside of a budgies cage. Also, being in my own house rather than a two-bit guest house, I was able to enjoy proper bathroom facilities rather than 'going for a McShit'

Being still on holiday from work however I was careful to leave my car in a non-residents parking space to avoid ANOTHER parking fine (see July 28, 2000). The extra sleep afforded me by the day off (8am-11am) was filled with horrifying sweat-inducing dreams (contents personal).

The main reason for my anxiety at the moment is the extremely imminent departure to foreign clines of my former partner and current very close friend. I'm aware I gave this topic some dissection on August 5, 2000 so forgive me if I repeat myself.

I'm due to meet her in an hour to help her with various 'leaving the country tasks' such as buying a sofa for the newly installed tenant of her flat, dropping off boxes of personal items to her Grandma's house for safekeeping, changing currency etc etc etc.

I'm not really sure how i'll function without her around - I've always been able to rely on her for just about anything and it has to be said that she's been there for me more consistently than i've been there for her. It might sound a bit big-headed but since we split up 2 years ago, I could have won her back without too much trouble but never really 'went there' as I always had designs on others and felt that as we had been together for so long and from such a young age that I needed a little more visceral experience.

Well, I've certainly had that!. Did it make me happy?

not in the least!


Now, I realise this is beginning to sound like me copping out, not wanting to be left alone and wishing I'd stayed with her. I can't deny that there is an element of that in my whinging but I figure that;

1) She deserves better that me
2) She's finally getting over me (which is a good thing)
3) I'm only 26 so I'm not on the shelf just yet (can't wait for my entry on daylog August 7, 2006!)

The day will continue to get weirder after the moving stuff around dust has settled and we get back to my flat for dinner (the last supper)etc, memories are relived, tears flow etc and then we have to share the same bed due to the fact that her flat has been rented out as of this morning.

In times gone by, sharing a bed with her would have been a prospect that I relished but I fear that today it will be a very confusing, sad affair for both of us.

More tears, more hugs, more memories.

Then she's gone......