good morning or, have you been well? goodnight and, can i get you love or closeness or, did you lose yourself again? always i said, always.

this peculiar arrangement of lives leaves me wondering, connections and seemingly coincidental, i can't help but feel. (together or, lonely in thought.) i'm not of course, i know.

when they ask if i travel alone, do i hesitate or does it just slip past usual tight-sealed-lips? i am sure, and i do not question my own answer.

you're unusually tired for this time of year..

as if the seasons have any bearing on my eyes ability to remain open, or closed. winter, spring, summer, fall where did the time go? i don't want it back, i am happy this way.

tonight i was flipping through my diary, there were things i'd said and i have changed more than anyone knows (i hadn't realized). this year, such odd wonderful things. from heart ache to.. this love, and i'd been waiting of course, everyone is, but i did not expect it. that is what i wrote to them tonight, to the pages i'd left for so long, so long that they haven't even known my life in months but today i picked up the silky woven cover and scrawled text. the simple pen strokes made me smile again.

i am very much looking forward to things, as of this past week or so. i am also very tired. fall thought does not lend itself well to sleep.

so, yes, i said. yes. to myself, that is.
yes, you will smile and this will be so
beyond difficult. but you will smile and
there will be no reason to hide, anymore.

i hadn't realized there were so many of these amazing little humans wandering around the universe. perhaps i'd been.. sheltered, unexposed and then, there they were.