The opening track from the Lo-Fi Allstars debut album - How To Operate with a Blown Mind, released in 1997 on the famous Skint record label. The introductory monologue below has to be one of the oddest I've heard on any recording.

Dear God,
The patient's best intentions have sadly faltered.

Despite his newly installed, varnished brain, and being force-fed gallons of viscous demented liquor,
he is determined to obtain the new drone spiders' trophy.
He dreams of becoming the scorpion who never sweats.

Quite frankly i'm sickened to have this individual infiltrate my headspace.

He talks of lascivious laughs haunting his every second
as the clock spits, clicks, and time speeds by in the form of a neon snake.

Massive delusions?

Very probably.

I fear for my safety.
He is as weak as his fellow man.

I am now surrounded by hypocrites, liars, drunks, clowns, fools, sycophants and the desperate.
I insist we barter with the moon to sell the patients cohesive lyrical maps in exchange for a vision of the future.

Stricken with grief, I have no choice but to turn to lethal toxins
Hardcore Punk Paste.

Allstars takin' over...

Listen up, motherfucker...we're going to throw it down

Lo-Fi Allstars-Warming Up The Brain Farm

There were originally a different set of lyrics to this song, shown below, which are as broadcast when the song was first aired on the late-night BBC Radio 1 Big Beat show -Breezeblock hosted be Mary-Anne Hobbs.

Dear God,
The patient's best intentions have sadly faltered.

It has of late become apparent, he's driven by lust and he's as weak as his fellow colleagues.
A hypocrite, surrounded by liars and bed-wetters.

Stricken with grief, he turns to lethal toxins, hardcore Punk Paste.
Goodbye Lord

Allstars takin over...

Apparently the 'creator' of this lyrical oddity was the bands main vocalist, who went by the nickname 'Wrekked Train'. He had a habit of getting completely plastered on Tennents Super and wandered around London armed with a dictaphone. This gives the inital spoken words an odd almost eerie feeling as there is still a lot of background noise and you can almost envisage him trudging along through the deserted streets of the capital.

This song and many of the other samples on the groups first album, entitled 'How to operate with a Blown Mind' are from the same drunken ramblings.