Today ended up being rather bittersweet
. The majority of the day I worked, and it was uneventful. However, I just returned from an outing
I choose the word 'outing' purposefully. I went to Adventure Landing
, with Sarah. She's one of my cousin's rather distant friends. I've known her for a while now, but we never talked a lot. Obviously she's cute
, so I have a small crush
on her. She knows this. She has told me before that she isn't interested in me, and was hurt a while back when I tried to date her and was unwilling to accept that she wasn't interested but wanted to be friends. I simply told her I had enough friends, and that I was close to them, and didn't see a need for another friend, especially if she'd be distant
. I had lots of friends, most being girls, but I had no girlfriend
. Seemed logical enough at the time to tell her this. Nowadays I realize what a jerk I was.
But I digress
... We went to Adventure Landing and afterwards Friendly's
. We had a fun time and we talked a lot. We get together quite well. The only thing I don't understand is why exactly she wants to be only friends
. From what I can tell she does kinda like me. I mean I talked about some rather personal
things and she was very interested in my stories and also was shock
ed for me. She acts like I do when I like someone - the little things that normally wouldn't bug you about someone else nagged at her. We get upset over small things every once in a while, and I know it's on my end because I like her. I assume the same on her end. We spoke of my "first" and she was dissapointed that it wasn't the most moral of situations, and said that I deserve better. She shows all the signs
so far as I can tell. It just doesn't make sense.
It got me in a somewhat sad mood right now as the "outing" ended. I don't really know how I get in these situations. I have a lot of girls who are friends. They all like who I am. But they all just want to be friends, no matter what happens between us. And it makes me wonder
do I really deserve better? I don't see how. I can't even get a girlfriend these days. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm overly shy
, and I always end up liking the ones I know better. So they all end up being friends with one another. And they all just wanna be friends.
Girls says they want a nice guy
, but once they meet one they change their minds - nice guys are ok, but the "bad boys" are more exciting. So the nice guy always ends up being the confidant
, the shoulder to cry on, the stability in chaos, and the one who truly makes your life better. But he never gets what he desires and deserves....