Thanksgiving Day was spent over at my brother-in law's. There were catty remarks made to me ...advice with the word SHOULD attached. A judgement about me had been passed at some point and I looked around the table for evidence. There it was when my brother-in-law dropped his eyes and concentrated on eating. The matriarchs at the breakfast bar ceased their conversation mid-sentence and looked over at their offspring sensing the change. A mother's instinct when it comes to their children that never goes away. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I merely could not grab hold of the words and say them out loud. They seemed to float away in shadowy depths. It was exactly the same sensation as being unable to remember a word; you can heft the precise length of the word in your mind, you know it starts with a b, and maybe even where on a certain page of The Mote in God's Eye you read the word. I did not imagine those parts were not there; I simply no longer have access to them, intimate parts locked behind an iron gate, (I did not imagine these parts were not there; I simply no longer have access to them) my master having vanished with the key. It is an eerie and frightening experience when it happens. Their remarks stung deeply, silence hung bitterly in the air, rejection was tangible.

Retreating to the den I sat next to Number Two Son touching shoulders. Tears formed, it was time to go home. Before I left, one of the mothers took hold of my hand and squeezed it tight saying how proud she was of me, how far I had come. We hugged tightly, she brushed back my bangs she was in a happy mood. For that moment, I felt loved by her.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in ever respect has been tested as we are.
Hebrews 4: 15 (NRSV)

God's acceptance of me goes deeper than the sting of rejection.