Pair of rowed metal teeth that are used to open and close containers and garments.

In the video gaming world, zippers are those arrow marks on the road that make your car burst up to turbo speed for a bit. Good zipper games are RC Pro Am and RC Pro Am II for the NES, and Super RC Pro Am for the Game Boy.

For that crazy amusement park ride, see The Zipper.
noun. (Climber lingo) A nasty fall on lead where the protection pulls out one after the other as the climber succumbs to gravity. Not a pleasant sight to witness. May end in a grounder or cardiac arrest. A wincer.

See Also: Sky's favorite lingo

Zippin' It Up

if God were here today
(and He's not)
all His clothing would have zippers:

the zip-up jacket with zip-up pockets,
the zip-up pants with zip-up legs,
the zip-up shirt with zip-up collar;

the zip-up eyes with zip-up lips,
the zip-up arms with zip-up fingers,
the zip-up hips with zip-up dick.

I mean, God would be zippin' it up.

He'd be cool when It's hot and hot when It's cool;
He'd be right when It's wrong and wrong when It's right;
He'd zip and unzip in a single motion,
without moving, since He wouldn't be here.

I am not sure when it happened. I was getting ready for work one morning and noticed something new. A blemish, a lump, a small red spot on my shoulder. I was not overly concerned, as these things sometimes happen, so i went on with my day.

The next day, as I was showering, I realized it was more prominent and rather hard. I poked at it a few times, it was irritated, but did not really hurt. I decided to keep an eye on it, but still was not particularly worried.

On the third day, this changed. It itched. I scratched at it without thinking, and the skin broke! There was something shiny underneath! What’s more, there was a raised line making itself known just below, and seemed to go down my back. At this point I was concerned. This was most unusual. Strangely though, it still did not hurt, nor did it bleed or ooze. I started to consider calling a doctor.

On the fourth day it was obvious. There was a zipper. But how?! Just above the zipper was what appeared to be a button. It also seemed that there was some faded script starting to appear. At this point, my curiosity was getting the better of me. Perhaps I should have been alarmed, but since it did not hurt and I was curious what the script would reveal, I opted to still not call a doctor.

Day five I nearly jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror to see the latest development of the zipper saga. Now, the zipper was completely visible, running from my shoulder down the side of my back. There was also definitely a button, and now the script was visible too. It was not in English, or in anything that resembled any language I had ever seen. As I stared at it, I realized I could understand it a bit.

“Expires 02154972 - Push Button to reactivate”

I did not know when “02154972” was, but I was also not yet brave enough to push the button.

Sixth Day. Zipper, button, and script all completely visible. My skin had started to feel weird, almost like it was tight and brittle. I had been applying lotion regularly, but it did not seem to help. I stared at that button, almost pushed it, but realized I was going to be late for work. Any thoughts of calling a doctor were long gone. I did not want to become some medical specimen.

It is now day seven. My skin feels too small. I pull the zipper down, if nothing else, to relieve the tension. There is dark green smooth skin underneath. I can taste the air through the gap like gulping the freshest, cleanest water. I need more. I undo the zipper the entire length and sluff off the human skin. I finally can stretch again! I push the button…

** **** ****** ** ***** * ***** ****** ** ******** **** ******** ** **** ******** * ** ***** *** ********* ** ******** *** * *****. ******* *** * ****** * ****** **** **** ********** ** ***** * ***** **** ! **** ***** ** ****** **** * ***** **** **, *** ***** ** ******* * * ******** ******* ***.

“Good-bye, I will miss you.”


“Around 8:30am this morning, local neighbors reported unusual flashing lights coming from 33 Lansing Place. When authorities arrived, there were no lights to be reported, and no one appeared to be home. They did, however, report what appeared to be a large charred hole in the back lot. Federal agents arrived on scene shortly after, and no further information was available. Channel 4 will continue to investigate. Now, the weather.”

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