The
ensuing week was trying for each of the children.
To begin
with, there was the abrupt lack of strict scheduling, for six children who had
lived a great proportion of their meager years according to a schedule. It was difficult to
know what to do on any given day, at any given moment, without having a set
list of places to be, and difficult to think of how the day ought to go.
Some of
the children threw themselves into the courses of study they were most
comfortable with already. Violet tended to stick to the library and bury her
head in books of Wizarding history. Miranda tended to stick to her greenhouse
and bury her head in pots of wondrous plants. Cormac tended to stick to the
library and bury his head in books of wandlore, usually in Violet’s company.
Jill and
Jocasta tended to throw themselves into each other, which was, to Sparrow,
entirely understandable considering that they had nearly lost each other just
short days ago. That it caused Sparrow to be bereft of kissing practice was of
only slight concern. Yes, only slight concern. Of greater concern was that it
caused both of them to be distracted from their efforts to perfect spells in
their areas of expertise. As well as slightly annoyed when Sparrow pointed that
out. Jocasta pointed out that, as she was spending just as much time in
Miranda’s greenhouse as with Jill, she was at least getting a good start on
herbology, thank you very much.
Fair
enough.
For
Sparrow, her greatest concern what that, with the loss of her schedule, she had
lost certain personal connections arising from that schedule. Three-quarters of
the student body were technically not allowed to enter her common room, not
that they would have all fit in any case. So the majority of times she
interacted with them, be it Percival Bulstrode or Melodious Figgle or Catarina Fletcher, was in her classes, or in the hallways if it involved a shield
spell. And one of those options was currently curtailed out of courtesy, and
the other had ceased. So the only students Sparrow could be sure to interact on
a regular basis were those of her own house.
Sparrow
felt she had been thrown together with the five people she knew best, and
though she felt they were the best people she could know, they were not, and
could not be, the only people in her life. She had said she loved her fellow
students, and in that speech she had meant it – yet now that they were at a
remove from her, present but less approachable, she felt her connection to them turning from appreciation to attachment. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so goes the saying, and Sparrow had cause to wonder if it was just a nice way of describing withdrawal symptoms. Sparrow found herself getting much more chummy with anyone she met. Perhaps she was attempting to make up for lost time.
Not that
this was easy, for at first the most she could manage was a handshake and a
smile, and perhaps a hastily-scrawled note if both parties had time, which they
did not always have. Then again, maybe it was best if she didn’t stick around
too much. She didn’t want to answer too many questions about why in heaven’s
name she had been suspended from her classes, nor precisely what she was doing now.
Hopefully her reputation as someone slightly cracked would let them fill in
most of the blanks with their own ideas. And such a reputation was
well-supported by the fact that the poor girl still couldn’t say a word to
them, dear dear, what could the matter be? Was their great protector suffering
a mysterious ailment? Would she still be able to cast the Shield Spell? The
answer was yes, the one time someone tried a dung bomb. They didn’t try twice.
The fact
that many students heard brief words from nowhere when she was around only
added to their confusion. Well, Sparrow was trying
to do the mental-message thing with them, and it just wasn’t working properly.
She couldn’t figure out why.
As for
her personal connections to the teachers, writing notes to them was much easier
because they did not have to rush. Unfortunately, being able to speak to them
now felt rather awkward. If she had been in classes, she could simply ask to
speak for a few minutes after class. But now that she was not, she would have
to wait outside their classrooms for an opportunity, which, considering
Sparrow’s reputation as someone slightly cracked, was even less of a dignified
situation than usual.
So, if
she wished, she could consult them in their offices, but then, if she was
currently not part of their classes, would she feel welcome? Many was the
moment she hesitated outside their offices, hiding just out of their view,
wondering if they would wish to speak with her, and, for the most part,
deciding against it. Save for the one evening where she mustered her courage,
marched into the office of Professor Budge, saw him look up from his paperwork
with an air of surprise, and – slap a note down on his desk and march right out
of the room.
He had
to know she was continuing to attempt non-verbal spells but Sparrow certainly
did not feel like answering questions.
There were two teachers
she could communicate with, without
as much anxiety, and perhaps she should have consulted both of them. But the
one she wanted to give some space, beyond scheduled meeting times, and the
other…might find a request for divination too much to bear, at the moment.
Sparrow
could also communicate with her parents. She could. All she had to do was write a letter and send it home. But
that would involve explaining what had happened, without sounding like she was
blaming them for their advice, or throwing herself immediately into peril. Evening
efforts to write in a delicately diplomatic manner resulted in an entire foot
of parchment covered in first lines crossed out. She was not certain that it
was even worth saying anything more than that she was doing fine. But,
considering all that had occurred, to leave it at that would be a monumental
lie.
Violet’s
advice to stick entirely to fact felt insufficient. There were more than facts
in play and there was the shame of not having told her parents what sort of
peril she would be attempting. How would it be possible to reassure them that
she would be alright? Jill said they knew
what kind of shield she could make, and they knew about her ambition already,
so the rest was details.
Still
didn’t feel right.
Between
the silence towards her peers and the silence towards her elders, Sparrow found
herself clinging to Violet’s company as much as she clung to Jill, on occasion
dragging Jill into the library with her. Violet knew all the answers, or would
know eventually. That was reassuring in its own way, and as Cormac was usually
with Violet and as Jocasta was usually with Jill, that brought four of five
friends together, which was just as well, because everyone felt a little
awkward wandering the halls outside of class times. It was not as though it was
easy to explain to the portraits what had occurred. It was much easier for
Sparrow to focus on her studies with friends around. It was also easier for
Violet, at least once she insisted on a respectful degree of quiet.
Unfortunately,
the most Violet could answer Sparrow’s primary question, in this first week,
was to promise that she would find the truth eventually.
Such a pledge to find the answer eventually did not help Sparrow now, alas. She was desperate to communicate
with her fellow students, more than ever, and communication by note was fairly
clunky. On occasion she tried to write in the air with the aid of the
sparkler-wand spell, which would have looked more elegant if she had ever truly
mastered the cursive script. Many of the students who had it down perfectly
were amused by her efforts.
Save for one poor first-year, by the name of Ignotius
Nott, who, upon the midmorning of Thursday, beheld the bright words hanging
before him with a curious look, of the sort that a student has when they are
desperately maintaining a blank face to avoid revealing that they know less
than they were instructed to know by today’s lesson. Sparrow had put on such a
face many times in her Transfiguration class.
Sparrow dismissed the letters with a wave of
her wand and brought out a roll of parchment from her pocket. Upon seeing a
pencil in Sparrow’s hand, the expression on Ignotius’ face changed from
barely-concealed shame to barely-concealed terror. He fled, leaving Sparrow to
wonder what on earth she had done wrong.
It was only on the next day about noon that she
met the lad again, in the third-floor corridor just before the room of the
reflecting pool, whispering to a couple of his fellow first-years. A Ravenclaw girl named Belladonna Yamakeg, and a Gryffindor named Johnny Sebastiano.
Sparrow
could not catch what they were saying, but Belladonna noticed Sparrow,
whispered more urgently and seemed to be gesturing to Ignotius that he should
go and speak to the older girl.
Ignotius would not budge. He had to be dragged
towards Sparrow. By both arms.
Johnny on his left arm said,
“Begging your pardon, miss, but we wanted to explain what’s going on here.
Well, Ignotius did, and then he got cold feet, so maybe I should tell – ”
Sparrow shook her head, and put her finger to
her lips.
“But Iggy here wanted you to know!”
“I think she means she can’t speak,” said Belladonna.
Sparrow took her parchment and pen out of her
pocket, and wrote upon it, If Ignotius
wishes to reveal his embarrassing problem, he must do it himself. You must not
force him.
She handed the note to Johnny, who read it and
whispered to Ignotius. Ignotius shook his head.
“Please, miss. You’re putting too much on him
here. And he told us we could tell. The trouble is that Iggy here can’t read.”
Sparrow blinked, her face blank in utter
confusion.
“We’ve been covering for his essays all year
but none of us have had the time to actually teach him – and we heard you got
kicked out of all your classes for some reason, so we thought you would have
more time – um – well maybe that sounds a bit weird – ”
“Please,” said Belladonna.
“He needs some actual teaching and none of us want to speak to any of the
teachers.”
Sparrow took her parchment back and scribbled
upon it, Did you consider asking Hagrid?
“He’s kind of scary.”
Scribble scribble scribble. What about one of the ghosts?
“They gossip.”
Scribble scribble. Well you know I can’t keep my mouth shut, right? Good old Sparrow Jones
yammering her wild ideas to the whole world.
“You’re keeping your mouth shut all the time
now.”
Scribble scribble scribble scribble. Which means I’d have a devil of a time
teaching anyone to read, eh? But it sounds as though you trust me.
“You’re the mistress of the shield,” said Johnny. “And you’re nicer than you used to be. Um. Except for that
dueling thing where you made your own girlfriend break her wrist. That was
weird.”
Scribble scribble scribble scribble. Personal business. Foolish anger. Upon my
honor I would only do such a thing again to save a life. My apologies if I
scared you. As for Iggy here, I can help, but – only to refer him to someone
who can speak, and who would likely enjoy imparting her own knowledge upon
another.
“Um – ”
Scribble scribble. If Ignotius is willing to reveal this business to just one more person.
Johnny whispered in his ear.
Ignotius considered for a few seconds, then nodded. “She had better be able to
keep a secret,” he said.
Sparrow nodded.
“How are you sure?”
Scribble scribble. Let’s say we all have our personal business, and leave it at that.
Johnny read the note and said,
“Who is this person – ”
Scribble. Violet
Brown.
“Ohhhhhhh. Library girl. Alright.”
“Who?” said Ignotius.
“Library girl. Always in the library? Ring any
bells?”
“I’m never in the library, dummy.”
“Always wears lavender from top to bottom?”
“Oh, that girl. She seems kind of stand-offish.
Snippy.”
“Worse than Professor Warbeck?” said Belladonna.
“Probably not. Alright. You introduce me to
Violet Brown, and we’ll just have an Unbreakable Vow to make sure she keeps her
mouth shut.”
Scribble scribble. How on earth did you learn how to cast that one?
“He’s a dab hand with the wand,” said Belladonna. “Long story. Can I tell – no? Fine. Long story. Leave it at
that. You just tell Violet that young master Nott here is coming her way and
why – ”
“I’ll tell her why myself,” said Iggy. “Thank
you very much. I’m not over yesterday’s awkwardness.”
◊◊ AND FOR THAT I AM SORRY. ◊◊
Ignotius stumbled backwards in startlement.
“Who on earth is – ”
Sparrow pointed to herself.
“You do speak.”
“What are you hearing?” said the lad on Iggy’s
left. “Why can’t I hear it?”
“Dunno. It’s very convenient, though, if you
want to speak in strict confidence. Why didn’t you do that before, Miss Jones?”
◊◊ MY APOLOGIES. IT IS NOT RELIABLE. I AM NOT SURE YET HOW I AM
DOING IT. VERY STRANGE INDEED, EH? I WISH I COULD TALK TO YOU LIKE THIS ALL THE
TIME, AND TEACH YOU, INSTEAD OF PASSING YOU OFF TO SOMEONE ELSE. ◊◊
“Maybe that wouldn’t be a good idea,” said
Ignotius. “You’re a bit loud. Can you speak more quietly?”
I don’t know
how to turn it down yet, thought Sparrow.
“Hello?” said Ignotius. “Cat got your tongue
again?”
◊◊ SORRY. I’M STILL FIGURING THIS OUT. THERE’S NOT MUCH MORE I
CAN SAY HERE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO GET TO CLASS BUT – KNOW THIS, MY YOUNG FRIEND.
I AM SORRY TO HAVE PUT YOU IN AN AWKWARD POSITION YESTERDAY. I WILL TELL VIOLET
THAT YOU NEED HER AID, AND I WILL NOT TELL HER WHY. YOU HAVE MY WORD. ◊◊
“I’d really like to do an unbreakable vow to
make sure.”
◊◊ PLEASE. THAT IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS MAGIC. YOU ARE SKILLED ENOUGH
TO DO IT, BUT YOU HAVE NOT CONSIDERED THE CONSEQUENCES. WOULD YOU REALLY RISK YOUR
ENTIRE LIFE JUST TO KEEP THIS SECRET? ◊◊
“Maybe.”
◊◊ PLEASE. I WOULD NOT WISH A TALENT LIKE YOURS TO BE DESTROYED
BY OVER-REACHING. ◊◊
“You’re reaching pretty far yourself,” said
Iggy. “Maybe too far. Did you think about that?”
◊◊ I DID NOT. NOT BEFORE I WAS INFORMED OF HOW FOOLISH I HAD BEEN.
AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY I AM SUSPENDED FROM CLASSES. KEEP THAT IN MIND. AND REMEMBER
THAT YOU HAVE MY WORD. IF YOU TRUST ME, IT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. IF YOU TRUST ANYONE,
YOU SHOULD NOT NEED A TERRIFYING SPELL OF OATH-BINDING. DO YOU TRUST ME? ◊◊
“Well, yeah, I mean I’ve trusted you this far.
And I guess I’m making it sound like I don’t. Sorry about that.”
◊◊ THEN CAST NO UNBREAKABLE OATH FOR ANYONE. UNLESS, PERHAPS, A
SECRET REVEALED WOULD MEAN A LIFE ENDED. ◊◊
Ignotius nodded.
◊◊ GOOD LUCK TO YOU, THEN. ◊◊
Ignotius bowed, with his friends following his lead, and then
they departed for whatever class they had.
As they were nearly around the bend, Sparrow Sent
Ignotius one last message, saying, ◊◊ I AM GREATLY CONCERNED FOR YOUR LIFE, YOUNG FRIEND. ◊◊
Ignotius paused.
◊◊ I FEAR THAT YOU
HAVE INDEED CAST THE UNBREAKABLE vow, AND BOUND SOMEONE TO YOUR SECRET. I KNOW
YOU CAN’T TELL ME IF YOU MADE IT, NOR WHAT OATH YOU MADE, BUT – FOR GOD’S SAKE,
FIND A WAY TO RELEASE SOMEONE FROM THE TERMS. I CAN’T LOSE YOU OR ANYONE. ◊◊
Ignotius made no sign of assent, but continued
onward and out of sight.
...
The following day was the day to report to
Professor Longbottom, after the day’s classes were over. And though each of the children was
somewhat reluctant to gather before him, feeling that they had little progress
to report on yet, the Professor informed them that they appeared to be sticking
together instead of flying apart in nervous frustration, and that such a thing
was a very good first step all on its own. He did not mind that they had not
made any world-changing breakthroughs in the space of one week. His only
recommendation at this point was for each student to begin perfecting the
O.W.L.-exam spells within their area of expertise, in order to get a head start
on tutoring everyone else.
As the children were departing, Violet asked to
speak with Sparrow in private, and they hung back as everyone else made
for the main castle doors.
Violet informed her that a young fellow by the
name of Nott had sought her aid, and said that he had been sent by Miss Jones.
Violet had agreed to tutor him in the evening hours, without a great deal of
reluctance, although she felt as though her time had been somewhat imposed upon
by Sparrow, time both to study and to spend with Cormac.
Sparrow protested that they all had an
abundance of time these days, too much in fact, and Violet said that she felt
dragged into this whole mess anyway. Sparrow reminded her that she had made a
free choice to come along on this adventure as everyone had. Violet did not
find these words reassuring. She did not want to think of Sparrow as a captain
leading a charge, but as a friend and an equal – and she did not feel that she
had many equals, so to have a friend become a captain was just a little
disturbing.
Sparrow apologized to her for treating her as
something other than a good friend. Violet apologized to her for acting like her
course of study was more important than the journey they were facing. Sparrow
hastily assured her that she did not mean to imply Violet should consider her
personal ambitions any less important that Sparrow’s, and that the pursuit of
great knowledge was a noble goal with or without anything else anyone was
doing.
≠≠≠≠ AND THAT IS WHY I CALL YOU MY
FRIEND. ≠≠≠≠
Sparrow
and Violet alike were startled by this sudden exchange of thought. But,
breakthrough though it may have been, Violet could send no further thoughts
towards Sparrow, no matter how hard she tried.
Well,
that was another thing to study. Violet assured Sparrow that, for the sake of
Ignotius, she would always try to make sure she had time to tutor him. She also warned Sparrow that there would surely
be more people looking for the assistance of their beloved Shield Maiden, as
soon as word got out about this.
And indeed, there were a fair few in the next
few days. Cassie Lee had cast a bit of fiendfyre in the Hufflepuff
hearth and needed the strongest barrier she could think of until the fire
burned itself out. (It was some trouble for even Sparrow to hold her shield
against it.) Angus Fletcher had accidentally let an Orkneyan Pixie loose in a
Gryfindor dormitory and decided that Miss Jones would know how to handle it.
(The answer was yes: grab Miranda and bring her along.) Gloria Maximus had
challenged a seventh-year student to a midnight duel and then realized she was
in over her head, so she grabbed the scariest duelist she could think of, which
was…Sparrow, for some reason. (Sparrow did not need to ask Jocasta to come
along, not when the Carrow girl’s pride was so wounded, nor did Jocasta need to
ask Jill to come along. Jocasta and Jill together wound up giving the
seventh-year student a red-hot scolding for even thinking of going through with
the duel.)
And so the next few days went, as one by one
the students brought their troubles to her. All of them involving situations
that they would have been punished for, if the teachers had known.
By the end of three days Sparrow was not entirely
exhausted, but she could feel herself getting close. And yet, currently having little
other way to connect with her peers, she could hardly refuse to help – until
Violet pointed out that Sparrow could wind up allowing the students to become
lazy, if she did everything for them. Was she going to end up doing everyone’s
homework for them? Tie their shoes? Fluff their pillows at night? An
exaggeration, perhaps, but being taken for granted was a danger, especially
when everyone knew she had plenty of time on her hands. And, as Violet pointed
out, the school had stood for this long without falling apart from the antics
of its inhabitants.
For her part, Sparrow pointed out that the
school used to have one or two deaths every few years from accidents like this,
even more so long ago, and that she wasn’t about to risk that again. Violet
conceded that point, but asked why on earth she was letting the students
believe that it was a good idea to avoid being given detention for being
foolish. Sparrow realized that she hadn’t considered that matter herself. She
had been under the impression that a problem big enough to require the
attention of the mighty Shield Maiden was one where people were suffering
enough consequences already. Surely it was dangerous to stop and measure how
much someone in peril deserved aid? Hesitation could cause more suffering.
And yet, Michael Mulligan had asked her to help him sneak
some items into his dormitory, and she had done so without hesitation, only
realizing at the end that it was a pile of Wizarding Wheezes. She had been
assuming it was something embarrassing. She had not scolded Mulligan for using
her in such a manner, but had left without a word.
Thereafter she discreetly put out the word that
she was beginning to wonder if her trust was being abused, and that mundane
matters of neither peril nor grave shame could be easily handled by one’s own
friends, thank you very much. Likewise, in the next few incidents of actual
peril that Sparrow resolved, she told the student she had saved from detention
that it was far, far wiser to ask a competent teacher to handle the matter,
never mind risking detention – and certainly never mind the house points. Those
were a lot of falderal that created competition where there should have been
none.
That last one was a hard sell, but two out of
three students meekly promised to ask for a teacher’s help next time. All three
asked Sparrow if she could help them learn to do a shield charm better. She
gave them what advice she could regarding the emotional effect of spells.
And in the meantime, Sparrow had been met by
Ignotius Nott, and granted gratitude for her suggestion, albeit grudgingly. He
was struggling in the early days of his learning. Sparrow tried to reassure him
that a bright lad like him would get it eventually, as even she had to practice
the shield spell in the beginning. He seemed to cheer up at these words.
And so, over the couse of a week and a few
days, Sparrow began to feel like she had some direction again, and through it
all, she did not feel alone.
She only felt slightly annoyed that Jill and
Jocasta were mostly chummy with each other. Jill was keeping herself at arm’s
length from Sparrow again, and Jocasta was keeping herself far less than arm’s
length from Jill, which meant she wound up being an arm’s length from Sparrow.
She could not teach Sparrow about the Tender Caress as she had promised. And
sometimes, many times, neither she nor Jill was around at all.
Goodness, was this jealousy! The one thing
Sparrow had hoped to avoid! Surely it was fair enough for Jill and Jocasta to
stick to each other. And yet – if all Sparrow felt was the lack of the Tender
Caress, it would be easy enough to bear, for she had lacked such a thing for
quite a long time beforehand. No, there was something else missing here. For it
was impossible to deny that, without Cormac by Sparrow’s side on the night
Jocasta nearly died, Sparrow would have shaken herself apart.
She had said she loved Jocasta, and it was
true. She felt it right down to her bones, the need, the longing –
Goodness, perhaps this was obsession. Not very
healthy at all. And yet, there it was. It was easy to be addicted to Jocasta’s
presence as Jill was. Whenever the girl was there, Sparrow felt as though she
could breathe more slowly, and stop taking matters too seriously. Whenever she was
gone, Sparrow felt herself drifting towards her old sense of judgmental
self-importance again.
So much for a casual relationship.
All this introspection! It was like she was the
girl of October once more, letting words fill her head because they could not
reach the people that mattered most to her. And yet – that was hardly true this
time. She was not alone, not even completely silent. She could muster herself
to broach certain subjects on a far shorter time frame than Jill had. And she
could pay attention to things and people outside of herself.
In this case, she was paying attention to the
gossip about how Jill had been knighted.
The students well understood that the two were
dating, oh yes, Sparrow had seen to that in a spectacular fashion. But before
Jocasta’s mortal peril, the talk had been of the two as one spoke of most
romantic relationships. Speculation on breakups and infidelity, and so forth.
The talk of their grand duel existed alongside such intrigue without crowding
it out.
But oh, now there was romance. Now there was storybook
romance. The students spoke of the valiant Jillian Patil, who had thrown
herself into terrifying danger to rescue the beautiful Jocasta Carrow, and that
they had now sworn their undying love. Now there was narrative. Finny Wambsgans told everyone who would listen that the
union of Jocasta Carrow and Jillian Patil was a shining example of what they
must all aspire to. By such means, where Sparrow had accidentally gained the admiration of the House of Slytherin, Jill had done the same for the House of Gryffindor.
The fact that Jill and Miranda had taken rather
drastic measures in a state of sheer panic was left by the wayside. It did not
fit the narrative. The narrative was of valiance. In the first few days after
the rescue, people were saying that Jill had been granted an honorary
membership in the Headless Hunt; after a few days people were saying that Sir
Podmore had tapped Jill on the shoulders with a ghostly sword and dubbed her
Lady Brave.
Which made it a sad thing to see Jill sitting
alone in the room of the Reflecting Pool, staring up at the skylight. The pool
was on the second floor today, but this did not prevent the grey light of day
from reaching the glass, nor prevent the rain from pounding upon it.
Sparrow
said not a word, but stood at an arm’s length from Jill, staring up at the
glass for a moment, though in it she found little worth noting. She looked
about the room, and, besides the stone walls and the four doorways, there was
nothing else to see but the water itself.
◊◊ WHAT IS
THIS ROOM FOR ANYWAY? ◊◊
Jill
tilted her head sideways without lowering it, meeting Sparrow’s gaze at an odd angle. “Perhaps a
girl better-versed in the castle’s history than me could answer that question.”
◊◊ THE BOOK
OF HOGWARTS HISTORY ONLY GOES UP TO ABOUT 2030. ◊◊
Jill’s
brow furrowed. “There’s been decades since then. Right?”
◊◊ EVERY BOOK
OF GENERALIZED HISTORY I HAVE EVER READ PETERS OUT TWENTY YEARS BEFORE IT’S PUBLISHED.
I’VE NO IDEA WHY. ◊◊
“Something
for you to figure out then.”
◊◊ WHY GAZE
UP AT THE SKYLIGHT ON A DAY LIKE TODAY? I SHOULD THINK YOU WOULD BE MORE INTERESTED
IN THE REFLECTION. ◊◊
“Oh,
please. Would I wish to look at my own reflection when my neck is all bent like
this? Why, I am hideous! And what if the reflecting pool shows only my true
desire of having a straight neck after all?”
◊◊ THEN I
SUPPOSE YOU WOULD STARE AT YOUR REFLECTION FOREVER, AND WITHER AWAY. ◊◊
“Precisely.”
Jill straightened up and shook her head. “Ah, there. Much more easily fixed
than I feared.” She patted the floor next to her. “Come, my dear. Rest your
weary feet.”
Sparrow
sat.
Jill
scooted up next to her and put an arm over her shoulder. Sparrow began to feel
as warm as she did before a roaring fire.
◊◊ LESS THAN
AN ARM’S LENGTH TODAY? ◊◊
“When I
am less than troubled? When there is less fire in my bones? Aye, then I do not
fear to be close to you, not as much as I did before.”
◊◊ LESS TROUBLED.
EVEN THOUGH JOCASTA IS NOT WITH YOU? ◊◊
“Not
with me physically. But here?” She tapped her breastbone. “And here?” She
tapped her temple. “That’s a bit different.”
◊◊ AW. ◊◊
“I do
wonder, though. About this mental link, whatever it is. I worry that it could
get out of control, if we fail to understand it. And I would not wish for her
to be inside my head. Nor would I wish you to be there.”
◊◊ IS IT THAT
DANGEROUS? ◊◊
††††† YOUR SHIELD ONLY WORKS IN THE WAKING WORLD. †††††
◊◊ SCARY THOUGHT. SCARY THOUGHTS. SO MUCH FIRE BEHIND YOUR EYES. ◊◊
“Yet contained as well as I can. Especially
with you here.”
◊◊ AM I HERE? I WONDER. I AM NOT IN THE HEROIC TALE OF YOU AND
JOCASTA. I WOULD BE A KNIGHT FOR BOTH OF YOU. ◊◊
“And I would say the same to you. But there
are…some things to work out between me and her, first. You know how it is.
Can’t rush into anything too quickly, eh?”
◊◊ SOME THINGS TO WORK OUT BETWEEN US AS WELL. AND I WORRY I RUSHED
INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH JOCASTA BEFORE WE COULD WORK THOSE OUT. ◊◊
“Ah, well.” Jill lifted her arm from Sparrow’s
shoulder, and leaned over the pool, finally bothering to look at her
reflection. “I wonder if I rushed into things with you? Or if what we did in
the library, so many months ago, was a culmination of three years. And I could
say the same of you and Jocasta. In a way.”
Sparrow snorted. ◊◊ SHE WAS A JERK FOR MOST OF THOSE YEARS. ◊◊
“I could agree,” said Jill. “Many was the time
I felt the same.” She sat up and leaned back on her arms. “So…when did you
decide otherwise?”
◊◊ TOOK A WHILE. SLOWLY. I WAS JOKING AROUND ABOUT HER FLIRTING
WITH ME. BUT THEN…AT SOME POINT IT WASN’T REALLY A JOKE. NOT SURE IF IT WAS BEFORE
OR AFTER HER CRAZY OFFER. ◊◊
“And these days?”
◊◊ THESE DAYS I DON’T WANT TO ADMIT THAT I NEED HER. I DON’T WANT
TO THINK THAT I’M DEMANDING HER TIME. AND YET…THERE IT IS. ◊◊
“Sparrow?”
◊◊ HM? ◊◊
“She needs you.”
◊◊ HOW? ◊◊
“Same way I do.”
◊◊ SO WHY ON EARTH – ◊◊
“Like I said. We have a few things to work out
first. And neither of us wants to hurt you.”
◊◊ I DON’T THINK YOU COULD. ◊◊
“I did, upon a September morning. Because you
loved me then. I could hurt you again, because you love me now. But that’s
emotional. I am referring to physical pain.”
◊◊ LIKE I SAID. IMPOSSIBLE. Sparrow scooted over to Jill and rested her
head upon the girl’s shoulder. I COULD NEVER FEAR YOU. ◊◊
“That remains to be seen. As it is, you know
now that neither of us truly wishes to be distant from you. And, when I think
about all we have been through already…I think of the rain.” She pointed to the
skylight. “Look up, little bird.”
Sparrow raised her eyes to the glass, where the
rain pattered down. ◊◊ WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? ◊◊
“The rain. Look at how it gathers. Focus on the
drops, and think about how one droplet joins another.”
As Sparrow watched the rainfall, she saw the
droplets running together into a slightly larger trickle.
◊◊ EACH ONE OBLITERATES THE OTHER. ◊◊
“Or, you could say they both give up their old
forms to make something greater. Neither is lost, just…changed. The substance
remains. And then – look there.” She pointed to a spot just a bit lower on the
stream. “Another droplet joins, and the water runs wider than before. And
there, and there – two more, and the stream is a course. And another, there,
and the stream is a river. All running together, far stronger than they would
be separately -- yet still you see each source, each part, before it joins the
whole.”
◊◊ WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? ◊◊
“You.”
◊◊ I AM NOT A RIVER. ◊◊
Jill laughed softly. “Perhaps not. And yet –
you introduced Jocasta to Miranda, and me to Jocasta, and so all three of us
have benefitted, in a way. And you have brought six people together. Six people
running together, now, and already we have saved each other from destruction
once – no doubt again, depending on the danger we face together. So do not
regret your relationship with Jocasta, nor worry that you and she might fly
apart. Whatever else you two are, you run together. That’s the important thing. Just like you and me.”
◊◊ WE’RE A RIVER? ◊◊
“Possibly sweeping everything down to the sea,
if we’re not careful! Maybe if I cry too much I’ll do that all on my own.”
◊◊ OH NO YOU WON’T. I’LL DO IT WITH YOU. ◊◊
“Ah, but sometimes you won’t be there.”
◊◊ WHAT IF I’M LITERALLY ALWAYS THERE? WHAT IF I NEVER EVER LET
YOU GO? ◊◊
“I can think of situations where that would
become very gross very quickly. But for today – today I think it would not be
dangerous for you to be around me. Why, it might even be just what I’ve been
looking for all along!” Jill rose in an instant, and scooped Sparrow into her
arms. “Maybe today, you get to be the
princess.”
Sparrow did not protest very much as Jill
carried her out of the room.
…
Upon a Tuesday morning, at the Hufflepuff dining table, there
sat Jill, and Jocasta beside her, in her usual defiance of mealtime custom
these days. Not that anyone around seemed to mind. Nobody was giving Cormac
any trouble for sitting with Violet at the Ravenclaw table every other day, and the Gryffindors invited Jill over to their table as often as not.
Funny how that worked out.
Sparrow sat down across from them and decided
this was a good time to ask them about the situation. With a bottle of ink and
a quill, this time, in case she wanted to say anything less than serious. Her head was always so serious
these days.
She wrote upon her parchment and handed it to
Jocasta, across the kidney pie.
“Is it a whirlwind romance,” said Jocasta. She stared
at the parchment for a second, then swooned, and leant herself upon Jill
sitting next to her. “Oh, she positively sweeps
me off my feet. Then again I would expect a Quidditch beater to do that anyway.
I probably weigh less than a bludger.”
Sparrow took the parchment back, and wrote, I miss your sweet caress.
“Whose?” said Jill.
Scribble scribble. Both of you. One I understand, because we worked that out a few weeks
ago. But the other! Oh! I shall become lazy and indolent without my tutor to
keep me studious! And I find myself getting self-serious again, without my Lady
Lawbreaker to bring me down to earth. Easy to get more anxious.
“Ah ha,” said Jocasta. “I do for you something like what you do for me. Well, my dear,” – Jocasta leant forward with her elbows on the
table, in a pose of keen interest – “that is easily solved. How easy to be distracted
by my whirlwind romance, eh? And perhaps I can distract you as well.”
“Assuming I believe it to be safe,” said Jill.
“My apologies, Sparrow. One moment.” She whispered in Jocasta’s ear. Jocasta
nodded, and Jill continued. “Sparrow, can I see your ink and quill for a moment?”
Sparrow handed over both. Jill scrawled on the
parchment for a moment, then handed it back. It read, Bear in mind that we're still trying to work out how to avoid hurting you on an emotional or physical basis. Even if you could avoid suffering from the physical manifestations of
our greater griefs…well, even that much is a little embarrassing to reveal! So certain topics remain rather personal, and thereby keep us distant. Couldn’t even talk about them in the
Dragon Tower. Even if Filch hadn’t been there.
Sparrow took her ink and quill back, and wrote,
You sound like where I was with the
Lethifold, before this month.
Jill nodded.
Scribble. Couldn’t
even tell me, of all people?
Jocasta’s irreverent air vanished in a moment. “Some
doors are currently closed.”
Scribble. Very
well.
“And
on a less sensitive note,” said Jill, “considering the great passions of recent
days, I have been…wary of our wands, again.”
“Wands, hm?” Jocasta wiggled her eyebrows.
Jill elbowed her. “Our literal wands, dummy.
They always want to smack together when I get more heated than usual.”
“Heated, hmmmmmm?”
“Shut up!”
Scribble scribble. Well, as long as we can be sure to be no farther than arm’s length.
“Please,”
said Jocasta. “I will come back to you soon, Sparrow. I’m not a bad girl. This
is just a casual fling.”
Jill snorted.
Scribble scribble. I have no wish to imply any jealousy on my part, especially since I’m
part of the reason you two are together right now instead of slowly pining
away. And it is…the season for romance. Is it not.
“Hark,” said Jocasta, “I think I detect someone
grumbling. Oh, deary me, you have to deal
with everyone talking about love. How
dreadful. This must be a terrible season for you.”
◊◊ I. DO NOT. NEED. REMINDING. ◊◊
“The season is somewhat annoying,” said Jill. “Especially
now that I get people saying they want to fit me for a suit of armor.
Honestly.”
Scribble scribble. You might as well go looking for the Holy Grail at this point.
“We’ll take care of that after everything else."
"Now hang on a second," said Jocasta. "Sparrow's the pure and noble one here. Looking for the Holy Grail is her job."
Scribble scribble. Noble yes pure no. Certainly not after getting involved with YOU, my dear.
Jocasta giggled. "I am a corrupting influence, then. We shall have to find someone else then. Someone like...Oh, how about Cormac?"
"An excellent choice," said Jill. "A fine fellow by all accounts, especially mine."
Scribble scribble. And yet Jill's the actual knight here.
"Oh for Heaven's sake!" said Jill. "To call me such a thing! As if Jocasta is some sort of porcelain damsel that I have to keep safe with my big strong arms."
“Not that I mind when you do,” said Jocasta.
"Not that I mind doing it," said Jill.
Scribble scribble. With all that in mind, I might need you to be able to separate
yourselves for a period of time.
“Uh oh,” said Jocasta. “Watch out, Jill. She’s
gonna drag you into something dangerous, and I won’t be there to save you. What
is it, Sparrow? An expedition to the Forbidden Forest? A surreptititious jaunt
to Hogsmeade? Tickle a sleeping dragon?”
Scribble scribble. I
need help practicing nonverbal spells.
“Oh,” said Jocasta, looking a little deflated.
“Well that’s less dangerous. Unless you cast an explosive charm by accident.”
“Quite the advanced subject there,” said Jill.
“Not that we’re avoiding advanced subjects these days. But why me?”
Scribble scribble scribble. I figured your presence would give me some
confidence, after what happened in the forbidden section of the library. You
don’t have to kiss me or anything, at least I hope not. But last time you did I
managed to perfect a nonverbal spell. So…maybe it would work again.
“Fair point,” said Jill, “although a kiss will
be a last resort.” She gave Sparrow a Look. “I trust you not to violate that
stipulation.”
Scribble. You
have my word.