A decidedly southern solution to an age-old problem.
I have happened upon the perfect hangover remedy. The secret is found in proper nutrition, and what better place to look for said nutrition than your friendly neighborhood Bojangles?

One Chicken and Biscuit combo (which includes french fries) with sweet tea.
Two packets of honey mustard sauce
lots of cajun seasoning

Before leaving the counter with your food, be sure to thoroughly coat your food with the cajun seasoning, especially the fries. Go find a table. By the time you will have sat down, half your sweet tea will have mysteriously disappeared, so go get a free refill. Now that you've secured a reasonable quantity of your drink of choice, you're ready to construct the biscuit-chicken construct:

  1. Carefully separate your biscuit into two halves, sandwich-style.
  2. Place the strips of chicken on one half of the biscuit.
  3. Use one (and only one) of the packets of honey mustard sauce as dressing for the chicken.
  4. Place the second half of the biscuit on top of the chicken, and Voila!

Consume the construct ravenously, pausing periodically to eat the fries (after dipping them in the remaining honey mustard sauce) and drink your tea. Refills are absolute necessities.

Quasi-Scientific Explanation
Hangovers are caused by a number of factors, the most important being malnutrition, dehydration, and the persistence of congeners (impurities) in one's bloodstream. Of course, the remedy described above goes straight to the heart of the malnutrition problem. The food all has mind-boggling levels of fat, which is the most compact energy source (compared to carbohydrates and protein). The glucose in sweet tea, a supersaturated solution, provides much immediately available energy.

The problem of dehydration is solved by the high intake of tea. The high levels of solvents that will eventually appear in the bloodstream, namely the salty seasoning and the sugar, help to raise the osmotic pressure of the solution. This change helps to keep the water in the bloodstream, where it is needed to filter out the congeners.

The caffeine in the tea finish the equation, because it acts as a diuretic, inducing a torrential flood of urine that will serve to purge your system of any remaining impurities.

Bojangles is good for you. With a small (less than $5) investment, one can create a foolproof hangover remedy that even a child could mix up. Besides, it tastes like manna from heaven.

Here are some good guidelines for the prevention & cure of a nasty hangover. Remember that abstinence or at least moderation is the absolute best prevention.

Before you drink...

  • Take a vitamin C tablet.
  • Eat something. Breads and pastas provide the most alcohol absorption.

  • While drinking...

    Watch your toxins! Some good points:
  • Vodka has less congeners than gin.
  • Most scotch whiskey has about four times more congeners than does gin.
  • Brandy, rum and single-malt scotch have about six times as many congeners as gin.
  • Bourbon drinkers ingest eight times the amount of congeners as do gin drinkers (whew!).

  • Also,
  • Consider mixing drinks with water instead of fizzie stuff as carbonation speeds alcohol absorption.
  • Stay away from fruity or sweet drinks. It's harder to judge how much you're drinking with these.
  • Drink water between alcoholic drinks.
  • Take a B-Complex vitamin with more water before bed.

  • The next morning...

  • Drink a large glass of water
  • Take some aspirin and drink more water
  • Drink some juice (preferrably V8)
  • Have a breakfast of toast & fruits or a bowl of cereal

  • If all else fails, call in sick, close the blinds & sleep all day!

    Information gathered in part from Learn2.com
    By symptom:

    General fatigue:

    Take a bath. The hot water will soothe and relax muscles tense from overexertion on the previous night and a more than likely bad sleeping position caused by having collapsed into bed any old how. For a stronger invigorating effect try having your bath in a cold room - leave the bathroom window open or something.
    There is no subsitute for good old headache pills and lots and lots of water. However, for burning eyes and throbbing forehead relief, you might want to try one of those refrigeratable beauty eye-masks (available from Boots or the Body Shop to name but two). Keep it in the fridge and put it on until the pills and water start kicking in.
    Dry mouth:
    Again, water is good. Also brushing teeth and using mouthwash - try gargling with it for an extra fresh effect that will make you thirsty as a special bonus.
    Residual nausea:
    Use some kind of bath oil or essence fragranced with a fresh, zesty smell: lemon, eucalyptus, mint etc.
    Lack of energy:
    Rehydrate with something sweet - not Coke because it's acid and your stomach doesn't need that, and not coffee or other hot drinks because you'll probably not drink enough of them. But orange squash or Ribena will give you a nice sugar rush to keep you going until you're finally fully awake and feeling OK. Fruit juice is also great.
    Sick, lifeless feeling:
    Pop a couple of all purpouse vitamin & mineral pills - you've sweated, pissed and probably puked a lot of your body's daily requirement, and it wants it back. You'll also need salt which can be obtained from some peanuts or crisps.

    So there you are. Lie back, enjoy, drink sweet drinks and munch junkfood for breakfast, and you're guaranteed to feel better in half an hour - handy for when you've got a day of work in front of you.

    According to The Secrets Of Natural Health by Shyam Singha:
    Don’t take his word for it though, these ideas seem pretty radical; conventionally what’s needed is liquid to alleviate cerebral dehydration. If you can’t bear to drink something non-alcoholic, compromise with pints of shandy (2% acohol by volume).

    However you might mind, some theories are taken more seriously than others; it is less than unfailingly understood that substances called congener, which largely cause hangovers, are notably present in red wine and whisky. The body metabolises them into formaldehyde and formic acid, which are thought to bring on the typical hangover symptoms of headache and nausea. A small quantity of ethanol can block this metabolic process. Some experts claim that a glass of wine, and some not so expert claim that a Bloody Mary, may both steer off a hangover.

    More so, as we enter this - yes I’m going with the sickening cliché – Brave New World, ugh, scientists are making wonderful new discoveries regarding what’s actually in a drop of wine and to our friendly neighborhood drinking buddies, what is being found is some very interesting information.

    Grape and grain don’t mix”, was I think how it used to go; apparently you couldn’t drink wine and then whisky. You could drink sherry, wine and brandy (grape-based drinks), or beer, vodka and whisky (grain-based); but you sure as hell couldn't mix them. Well that makes a barrel-load of sense, especially since the old housewife telling the tale is your sweet old grandma walking the fine line of senility, but back in the day people used to think some pretty aloof stuff. Take that whole fried-witch business for instance.

    Then again though, there might be something to that whole theory, who knows? What neurologists are finding is that different ingredients in different drinks actually affect different parts of the brain. Alcohol doesn’t target a single receptor to cause the Alien-infested sensation in the pit of your stomach post-party hours, but several (left-over) brain receptors. Furthermore, chances are each individual will react differently to vast quantities of alcohol. I’m sure every one of you know people who get drunk on a certain drink far more easily than another, I myself can get blind drunk on scotch and be as bright as a pink clouds with butterflies the following day, but 4 beers will make me feel like an ostrich. Some people really do have a high tolerance for vodka or gin, say, but not brandy. But until doctors can sit us down and tell us, very matter of fact-like what we can and cannot drink to avoid hangovers I’m gonna have the time of my life using the proverbial trial and error system.
    The shakes and all-over body ache can be ameliorated by drinking a lot of water and popping a B vitamin, it's quite true. A good shower will also help clean the gook off you, as while your body was processing the alcohol it was squirting toxins out your pores as well as into your bladder. But, what about the overwhelming dizziness and nausea?

    Salt, baby! In order to keep the water down, you'll want to make sure that you rehydrate quickly. So, a handful of salted nuts, or some potato chips, or a really salty scramble (tofu, egg, whatever -- make it something you like, but something you can digest easily or at least get away with only eating a little) will help you with that. V-8 Picante is a good thing to keep around for the morning after, so long as the night before didn't involve bloody marys.
    Every one has a different body and different metabolism rate, not every piece of advice will magically work for all.

    1. To cure dehydration, drink H2O.

    2. Swallow vitamin B1 tablets, your liver breaks Ethanol down into toxic by-products along with H2O and CO2. vitamin B1 speeds up this process and help your liver.

    3. To get rid of the headache and nausea drink Coffee.

    4. Eat bread, potatoes, rice, or any fiber rich food, doing so will let the fibers suck the toxins.

    5. Puke, it gets rid of the acids and toxins in your stomach and is known to give you instant recovery.

    So you've had a long day noding your opus maximus. A couple of your noder buddies have dropped by to celebrate the end of the day and as is wont to happen when noders gather, the intoxicants flow liberally.

    You partake. You enjoy the flow of noding company, coursing into and out of subjects non-noders and mere mortals couldn't track if they had guide dogs and GPSes.

    Couple of hours later, it starts. You can't remember when you stopped drinking--somewhere between the discussions of minimum penis length to reach a woman's Gräfenberg spot and the chemical composition of a nuclear weapon trigger--it hits. And it gets worse as the wee hours of the morning progress.

    You pass out. You wake up. Your head has been replaced by a slab of concrete. There is pain behind your eyes so strong it seems they're dangling from their sockets by the optic nerves. Your stomach is full of live cats chasing live hamsters. Every muscle in your body whines when you ask it to contract. Someone mentions a cheese omelet and you know you're going to yark up your duodenum right then.

    Depending on the intensity, you begin to understand the roots of the right to die movement.

    Well, Bunky, there's only one reason you feel this way. You haven't followed Dr. Owl's God-damn Sure-Fire Hangover Cure and Avoidance Regime. As they say to the hot shots at Top Gun flight school, read this and commit it to memory.

    Components: Vitamin B12 - 6,000 mcg (6mg) N-Acetyl Cysteine - 750mg x 2 water - 32 oz non-steroidal pain killer - standard dose extras: zinc lozenges - 1 coffee - lots sex - lots oxygen - couple of hits

    Why and how to procure components: All the ingredients for the cure are available over the counter in the U.S. of America. The only component that could be difficult to obtain is bottled oxygen, but that's not necessary for the cure. It's a quick and temporary fix well known by volunteer fire departments and ambulance squads.

    N-Acetyl Cysteine is also known as NAC and is available at health food stores and mail order. It is an amino acid which helps restore the proper chemical reactions in a human's Krebs cycle. Drinking like a maniac causes the overproduction of lactic acid. Build up of lactic acid causes headaches and general malaise and screws up everything. NAC gets you back into balance.

    Vitamin B12 is stored in the liver. Drinking like a noder depletes the liver of B12, which is essential in breaking down metabolized alcohol components. Restoring the B12 level to nominal is essential in beating a hangover. You can get B12 in any grocery store in the US.

    Drinking dehydrates you. Water rehydrates you. Drink as much water as you can stand without puking. Puking up the water you drink just means you have to drink it again. Of course, if you're in the early stages of alcohol poisoning, puking is helpful. Puking is nature's way of getting shit out of your system before it's too late. But if you've been drunk for a while, all that Absolut is inside you and puking isn't gonna help. Water will.

    Acetaminophen/Aspirin/Naprocin -- pain killers. Pain is best off dead. The problem with these is they run their sharp fingernails over your already raw stomach lining. But you gotta do it. (Be careful--taking pain killers while you're drunk puts a strain on your liver. If you do this a lot, you can get yourself in trouble.)

    zinc lozenges. Drinking depletes your system of zinc. Disgusting zinc lozenges put it back. If you can stand them, they work. You can get these things in any drug store/pharmacy/chemist's in the US of A.

    oxygen A hit from the green bottle kills the hangover pretty good pretty fast. All good doctors, fire fighters, and first aid workers know this. It's hard to come by, but if you can get it, good for you. Instructions: The best way to cure a hangover is to avoid one.

    Now I hear you saying: hey Owl guy, you're not going to run that great big cement mixer of temperance over my tender vitals, are you?

    Of course not, dear heart. I love you so I just want you to be prepared.

    Professional drinkers the world over know to prepare for their hangovers before they start drinking. In the old days, I knew people who slurped up a couple of ounces of olive oil (theory: coat the stomach) or milk before drinking. Despite many experiments, I have no empirical data this works.

    So you should eat 750mg of NAC BEFORE the festivities begin. I do have empirical data that taking the NAC, 1/2 the B12, and one Naprocin before entering the bar/pub/cat house/mission control/restaurant can not only delay the onset of a hangover, but also reduces recovery time.

    Remember to drink lots of water while you're imbibing. Yes, your trips to the rest room will be more frequent. So what? Life is pain management. Most of us would trade off a blistering hangover for having to pee any day of the week. I'm banking on the hope you agree.

    Ok, let's say drinking is nearly over for the evening. Now you do another NAC and maybe another 2mg of B12. Drink water. If you can possibly stand an athletic electrolyte-replacement beverage that's super good, but not entirely necessary. You're peeing out all your good blood minerals and the sports drink will replace them. Stay away from orange juice, vitamin C, or anything else that will upset your stomach till much later. Coffee is sort of okay at this point, but my own experience is that it's best left till later. Coffee will dehydrate you and counteract your hydration attempts.

    Sex. Well, what can I say about this? Drunken sex just isn't that great. If you've got a spouse or S.O. who's willing to put up with your slobbering, then have at it. It can take your mind off hangover pain, and I don't know a noder worth his/her salt who couldn't manage it even when completely trashed. But I've found it works better on the upswing. And really--if you don't know the person important things can get forgotten in the heat of drunken passion. Waking up pregnant is terrible and evil. Waking up with a virus with an ugly name sucks. Being the cause of it warrants a crack in the skull from your Owl-dad. And I will find you.

    The morning after: Because you've been following my instructions, you've had a good night's sleep with no headaches. Your mouth is a bit dry because you dehydrated a little during the night, sleeping with your mouth open like that.

    You feel a little shaky, but nothing awful. Drink lots of water now. Now you can have your coffee. If you can tolerate orange juice go ahead. You probably don't need an aspirin, but I've found it reduces those little body aches.

    If you're still headachy after eating all that stuff, try the zinc lozenge.

    After you've performed your morning hygiene and you no longer have bad breath and disgusting body smells, go have sex with your honey. Hey, you're not wasted anymore, so you can actually pay attention.

    Hangover Cure
    For Those With Little Time To Waste

    Hurtin'? Don't feel like scrolling? Let's get down to it, I'll keep it short.

    You need water,aspirin, Vitamin C, and food with fat and starch. Pick from among the following. Outta bed, rock star, let's roll: Now, get a glass of water AND a glass of:
    • V-8
    • Tomato juice
    • OJ
    1. Take the aspirin
    2. Drink the water
    3. Eat
    4. Drink the juice

    When yr feeling better, check out one of the other write-ups to find out why this works. This is just a quick how-to so you don't have to wade through all that other stuff.

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