Confidence is simply the successful conclusion to the act of fooling yourself into thinking that everything is going or will go right. Humans are worriers by nature; since before the monkeys stood up in the savanah, the impulse to worry about where one was getting food or which predators might be about has been pervasive within the forming psyche of our race. Nowadays, our concerns are formed around which member of the opposite (or same) sex will look upon us favorably today, or whether one's credit rating is still clean, or what has happened to one's reputation, or occasionally even when and how one is going to die. Confidence, even though it is a product of what is essentially a deception, is surprisingly valued in human interaction, and is often the true, unconscious goal when we, as people in the information age, strive for money or power or romance. The act of feigning confidence is called arrogance, and ironically, confidence can be easily gained if one spends enough time pretending to have it; arrogance and confidence are often mistaken for one another.


To find success in any venture in life, whether it is business or the mating game or any slice of life, the most essential quality a person must have is confidence. You must believe in yourself and believe no matter how many times you fall, you actually look better brushing off the dust than you do in that neatly pressed London Fog jacket. And you do.

The key is that no matter how many times you stumble, or how many times you fall, it doesn't matter. You are still the same damned fine person you were before you slipped. People feel confidence radiating from you. They are drawn to it. They want to know you. Why? Because they want to feed off that confidence.

No Effort Equals No Points!

Most people hold back on a venture. They are afraid to lose their shirt. They are afraid of being embarrassed or humiliated. The most successful people have fallen many more times than you have. Think hundreds of times more. Luck may play a part for some, but for most, it was confidence that lifted them higher.

How can you be more confident? Attitude. You can't fake confidence by play acting and going home and crying later. You have to convince yourself that you believe in yourself no matter what. Have faith in yourself and believe that even with a dozen arrows in your back you will still make the coast. It also means measuring your moves. Confident people don't whack away at the air with their eyes closed. They evaluate risk and danger and decide if the potential reward is worth their effort. When they decide it is, they make a conscious decision that whether they win or lose, they get points anyway.

Hold Me Back Now!

There comes a time when you ask yourself what is holding you back. Why do you retreat? Why don't you drive forward and take the risks? Usually the risks you are talking about are so minimal. A man meets a woman and is afraid to say anything more than "hello" because he might be rebuffed or rejected. Who cares? Laugh it off. You're the number one. She was unworthy anyway. Besides, she would have cramped your style. Making a financial investment? Might lose some money? Might make more. You're just going to blow that money on bubble gum and cocaine anyway. Roll the dice. Tomorrow is another day and you're still king of the world.

Looking for a new job? Angling for a promotion? You have to believe they need you more than you need them. Plenty are qualified and confidence will give you the edge. Writing a novel and trying to get it published? You have to believe it is worthy of publication and that rejection is not a hinderance, but a help. You must always believe in your point of view, but be confident enough to concede the point when you know dialogue will only become an argument no one can win. Retreat strategically, knowing you will always return, because you are the best. You are the best you can be at this moment but there is always room for improvement. Confidence in oneself means there are always heights you are yet to attain, but if you cannot attain them, you never needed them. You were always good enough and always will be.


You know where to draw the line. You know what really matters and what you can do without. There is nothing you need to prove to anyone. You can walk away with a smile and leave them wondering. You can't play poker without it. You can't play life without it. It means always being yourself no matter what the costs.

Don't change, darling.
Don't change.

Con"fi*dence (?), n. [L. confidentia firm trust in, self-confidence: cf. F. confidence.]


The act of confiding, trusting, or putting faith in; trust; reliance; belief; -- formerly followed by of, now commonly by in.

Society is built upon trust, and trust upon confidence of one another's integrity. South.

A cheerful confidence in the mercy of God. Macaulay.


That in which faith is put or reliance had.

The Lord shall be thy confidence. Prov. iii. 26.


The state of mind characterized by one's reliance on himself, or his circumstamces; a feeling of self-sufficiency; such assurance as leads to a feeling of security; self-reliance; -- often with self prefixed.

Your wisdom is consumed in confidence; Do not go forth to-day. Shak.

But confidence then bore thee on secure Either to meet no danger, or to find Matter of glorious trial. Milton.


Private conversation; (pl.) secrets shared; as, there were confidences between them.

Sir, I desire some confidence with you. Shak.

Confidence game, any swindling operation in which advantage is taken of the confidence reposed by the victim in the swindler. -- Confidence man, a swindler. -- To take into one's confidence, to admit to a knowledge of one's feelings, purposes, or affairs.

Syn. -- Trust; assurance; expectation; hope.

I am confident that very much be done. Boyle.


Trustful; without fear or suspicion; frank; unreserved.

Be confident to speak, Northumberland; We three are but thyself. Shak.


Having self-reliance; bold; undaunted.

As confident as is the falcon's flight Against a bird, do I with Mowbray fight. Shak.


Having an excess of assurance; bold to a fault; dogmatical; impudent; presumptuous.

The fool rageth and is confident. Prov. xiv. 16.


Giving occasion for confidence.


The cause was more confident than the event was prosperious. Jer. Taylor.


© Webster 1913.

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