Ladies! Is the crisis getting you down? Are you lonely in a world of untrammelled speculation, economic breakdown, and rampant materialism? Do you long for a sense of perspective and proportion, and for serial seismic orgasms that will surge through your trembling body until you can take no more and long only for a learned disquisition that will shed the light of reason on your hectic fragmented life? Are you looking for a partner who can satisfy your soul while your body is transported, and can fill your mind after blowing it? Look no further: we have what you are needing! Rubber Consolation Enterprises International Inc. is proud to present the fruits of years of research by our dedicated team of holanthropic prosthetic engineers, a quantum leap forwards in quality solitary lifestyle enhancement products, a game-changing development in pneumatic social enhancement substitutes: now available online and in an adult leisure equipment retail outlet near you:

The Professor: the vibrating inflatable philosopher!

Lovingly crafted from highest quality silicone, the Professor is far more than just another inflatable doll! With all the care for anatomical detail that you have come to expect from Rubber Consolation Products International Inc., the Professor's most critical dimensions are controlled by a unique hydraulic system, and adjustable to meet your preferences for depth and stretch. His pelvic region is further enhanced by a high-quality low-noise excentric rotor stepping motor vibration system (batteries not included) with a unique 'rock and twitch' detecting accelerometer-based control system (the harder the thrust, the higher the buzz), while his higher functions are based on state-of-the art Simulated Intelligence software implemented on a purpose-built vibration- and shock-resistant semiconductor core, which enables the Professor to provide pillow talk and insight of sometimes publishable quality.

To provide novelty and refreshment to your ears the Professor is factory-equipped with seven different voices, ranging in timbre and accent from a profound French Gauloise-roughened bass to a sensitive Florentine tenor, while additional voices and accents can be downloaded from our online shop and installed through the Professor's Bluetooth 2.0 wireless connection capability. And to keep your mind fresh and your perspective supple the Professor really does think 'out of the box,' with a wide choice of pre-installed and downloadable philosophical school modules covering all the wisdom of East and West, from Rationalism to Empiricism, Kantianism to Utilitarianism, Sufism to Sophism, Aristotle to Heidegger. (New modules are under development and will be released on a regular basis.) Your own private boudoir philosopher can be Dionysean or Appolonian, Humean or Leibnitzian, peripatetic or stoic: in short, this friend can be anything but Platonic.

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