i'd kiss him then.
{things were meant to fall apart}
lying on a space of white sand.
{it wasn't white; it was a dirty, pedestrian mess}
vulnerable and cold. i'd kiss him. my skin would relax. i almost felt good.
{always a barrier}
it had been a moonless night.
{the stars stood still and naked}
when I said yes, I had contemplated
the chasm. calculated
every bruise. tallied
the number of broken bones. if falling
into his charm was fatal as his wickedly
alluring luminescent eyes. soft. imagined his love
and my body falling into stars
while they danced with fire claws
ready to catch my flailing second thoughts.
...That I think I really do like him.

What's this...? The as-of-late "Ice Queen" herself is falling for someone in more than just a sexual manner? Yes, I'm flirtatious; yes, I have many crushes; yes, I tend to see sex as just something to do more often than not (instead of something important and special)... but in terms of relationships, etc., "cold bitch" mode sets in at the first sign of anything serious. It seems that for the last six months or so, I've been very good at distancing myself from actually returning feelings of affection. I don't want to be hurt again-- that's happened too often-- and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I want a clean start. Maybe I have that with him...? I like talking to him, I like the way he makes me feel, I like the way I'm comfortable around him; he makes me want to break all of my own rules. I'm still skittish... I will be for awhile, there's no helping that... but for once, someone has made me smile, someone has made me happy. Just thought I'd let him know...

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