My favourite kind of man is unobtainable. And I know for a fact that I’m not the only woman to think like this. Men do it too of course, the grass is always greener and the thrill of the chase are not solely female pursuits. However, seeing as I’m a girl, I’ll write this from a woman’s perspective…
A great lover of amateur psychology, I once read with great interest (I think it was in Marie Claire) that the type of man you are attracted to is significantly influenced by the environmental experiences given to you by your father.
Apparently, an interest in the unobtainable man signifies that your father was most probably hard to please, rarely – if not never – outwardly impressed by your achievements and always ready to point out your mistakes and berate you for them.
Now, it just so happens my dad does fall into this category – though he’s not at all a bad father – and I’m led to question why? Why should something like that affect the kind of guy who floats my boat?
Is it fear that I’ll never succeed that leads me to avoid ever coming close? Maybe if a relationship is doomed to fail from the start there’s no pressure to make it work.
Whatever it is, I’ve become quite a pro at the game and have identified a few different classes of Mr unobtainable along the way:
- Mr “I’ve got a girlfriend but I’m considering leaving her for you”
You dangle from a fine and fragile thread, basking in the warmth of his apparent love and wiping away the tears each time he explains how hard it is to end it with her
- Mr “I’m too cool to be seen with the likes of you”
Of course he never actually says that but you can guess by the way he’s reluctant to introduce you to his friends and doesn’t want to know any of yours. Funny that he’s perfectly happy to have you sit on his face…
- Mr “I’m just not ready to commit right now”
Oh dear, must I elaborate? We’ve all been there and frankly it’s a bore. He’s far too in love with himself to need you and is only up for it for as long as you’re playing unobtainable too, otherwise you’re labelled needy and you won’t see him for dust. Usually all talk and no trousers, not worth the effort.
- Mr “the age difference would never work”
Ah, why is it the older man holds such allure? Is it because he’s so responsible and secure? Well paid and emotionally sturdy? Experienced and attentive? It’s that sensible side that gets in the way and stops him from taking you seriously. Such a crying shame…
The list goes on, including gay men, married men, men in trouble with the police and monks.
Well then, how to overcome this awful mess?
You may as well ask, “how do you solve a problem like Maria?”
I’ve resigned myself to the truth and that is, for now at least, I’m only happy when the chase is on, miserable when there’s no-one to chase and just plain bored when the chase is over.
So then… Who’s next?