I'm sure jessicapierce doesn't take anything as ordinary as a mere shower. No, if I were invited to bathe with jessicapierce, I think it would be a little something like this.....

(Dream Sequence Segue)

I approach the great, gilded mahogany doors that separate mere mortals from the bathroom of jessicapierce with trepidation. I make eye-contact with one of the two muscle-bound guards flanking the door like living caryatids. I have been expected. With miraculous synchronization, they each reach for the doorknob closest to them and fling wide the doors without so much as causing a wrinkle to appear on their satin loincloths. From somewhere inside, a fanfare sounds.

I gingerly step inside the darkness of this portal and hear the mahogony doors close behind me with a thud. I stand in silent benediction as my eyes adjust and I find myself in a curtained ante-chamber. Two servant girls help me disrobe, and a glistening, muscled boy with a devastating smile hands me a towel of the softest cotton (high thread count, I note). After this, I am ready and step through the red velvet curtain.

On the other side, a scene of Elysian splendor awaits me. The marble floor beneath my feet is warm, and suffused with a rosy glow as it takes on the colors of the stained glass skylights above it. At the far end of the room, I hear the sound of running water. I languidly stroll past elaborate floral arrangements that perfume the air with the scents of orchids and jasmine. The ethereal music that the violinist and flautist are playing distracts me, and I nearly stumble over a gold-collared peacock who regards me with majestic ire. At long last, I make it to the massive, sunken bathtub.

I inhale the scent of rose petals and steam as I gasp in wonder and kneel awestruck at the tub's alabaster rim. At the opposite end is jessicapierce, impossibly radiant in her serene beauty. She smiles at me, her gaze wise as Pallas, but tempered with compassion. I gaze across the water and watch tendrils of steam play with her hair. Finally, the moment has come, and without hesitation, I sink beneath the rose-petal littered surface into the delicious heat, barely causing more than a ripple. When my head breaks the surface and I take a breath of air, I feel as though I were baptized. With both hands, I hold out my offering to Her. Her light, girlish laughter resounds through the chamber and I can tell that she is pleased.

I am glad I remembered to bring my rubber duckie.

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