Along the same lines as jop
's observation, I have frequently noted that the act of pulling a tissue
from a box often brings the tissue into contact
with the microserrated
cardboard making up the perimeter
of the box's hole. This contact releases a noticeable
amount of both tissue fiber
and cardboard residue
into the air. In turn, the dry aerial debris
sometimes causes sneezes
, occasional coughing
and general nasal
Tissues packaged in cubical boxes usually have a thin film of plastic at the opening, greatly ameliorating this problem. Rectangular boxes, however, usually require someone to punch out an oval piece of material to reveal the opening, leaving the hole's perimeter frayed and jagged. I have noticed a tendency to use more tissues when I have a rectangular box in my room.
Since I was a little boy, I have always assumed that the Kleenex Conspiracy Theory was simply a product of my entertainment-straved, illness-addled imagination rather than true malice on the part of tissue-makers. After reading the above allegations of even more heinous acts against tissue-users, however, I am beginning to wonder if there is some psychological force at play, such as innate suspicion of those who attempt to relieve our suffering.
Or maybe they are up to something sinister...
[Cue dramatic music, cut to scene of cigar-smoking corporate fatcats laughing as batch after batch of tissue is dipped into enormous vat of genetically-altered influenza.]