Question: The penny costs more than one cent to produce. Why is it still being minted?
Answer: In 1983, the U.S. mint began making pennies differently. Originally, they were made primarily of copper. A very common high school chemistry experiment involves the heating of pennies. Since 1983, students have to check the dates, because coins minted in '83 and after explode when heated.

The government claims this is because the new pennies have a high zinc content.

This, of course, is not true.

The reason new pennies explode is because the tiny mind control chips implanted in them have a self-destruct mechanism.

The technology of the chiplets has not changed in the decades since Ronald Reagan decreed their use in (Classified Document). Rather than attempt specific control of individual psyches, they produce a low-level vibration leading to increased feelings of anxiety and helplessness, a sense that something's wrong with the world and there's not a damned thing you can do about it, as well as containing a simple locator. The brilliance of this plan is astounding. If you have any change in your purse or pocket, it probably contains at least one penny. When you empty your pockets or purse, the silver change stays, but the pennies end up in a jar, or on your nightstand. Find a penny, pick it up, and all the day, the government will know exactly what you are doing, and where.

You say I'm insane. You say I'm deluded. You say I'm seeing phantoms.

There is a simple scientific experiment you can do, today, to prove this. It will cost you very little. Purchase a roll of nickels. Open them and put them in your right-hand pocket, with no other money, no loose change. Go up to people, at random. Ask them to give you a penny in exchange for a nickel. Pay up, and look at the penny. If it's 1983 or newer, put it in your left-hand pocket. If it's older, find something else to do with it.

Look closely at the person you relieved of the burden of a chiplet. They are happier now, no?

When your right-hand pocket is empty, and your left-hand pocket is full, look closely at your own mental state. Are you not now depressed, feeling almost cheated?


This node is both a conspiracy theory and an hommage to the fine, well-researched, and quite serious anti-conspiracy-theory nodes of Roninspoon titled Conspiracy Theory: (whatever) and no disrespect or attempt to confuse his work with mine is intended. Also, Canadian pennies are not only safe, but nutritious!

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