Freezys have a few problems that must be solved before they can be enjoyed to the fullest.

The first dilemma revolves around the undeveloped nomenclature of frozen treats. Nobody knows what a freezy is. No enterprising company has come forward to pioneer the popularization of this market a la Jello or Kleenex. Fla-vor-ice, Pop-Ice, Mr. Freeze, Otter Pops, Ice Bandits, Frootee Ice, Papi Ice, Gator Pops, none of these names hold any meaning to society. The Oxford English Dictionary does not define the word. Not even Google knows what a freezy is! So what is a freezy? I define a freezy as colored frozen sugar water sealed in a flexible plastic tube. Occasionally you encounter variations, such as switching Red #40 with Yellow #5 and 6, or adding up to 2% apple, grape or pear juice.

The second frozen dilemma is the unusually short freezy growing season. Due to this, most grocers only stock freezys during early to mid summer. After this time, from Pick 'n' Save to Sam's Club to Jewel, no amount of ready money can procure a freezy. Thus each spring one must be sure to stock up for the upcoming winter.

Once you have your year's stock secured, the next challenge is keeping them ripe. Freezys need special conditions not usually found in the temperate latitudes in order to ripen. Exposure to temperatures of approximately -3°C are required, for a period of almost 48 hours, in order for the freezy to be edible. Luckily freezys have a unique property that helps in this respect. They can be ripened and unripened indefinitely without spoiling. It is not necessary to supercool your whole winter stash, just the ones you plan on eating in the next few days.

Once a reliable supply has been cached, the true power of the freezy can be enjoyed. Through self-experimentation, I have found that freezys have a broad range of psycho-pharmacological benefits. When I have a bad day, a yellow freezy is there in the freezer waiting for me. If I need brain food for a test today, blue freezys are the way to go. If it is too hot outside a green freezy cools me down. If it is too cold outside a red freezy will warm me up. The only time a freezy fails me is when I am hungry. Freezys, being mainly fructose, dihydrogen oxide, and various food dyes, lack some of the nutrients necessary to sustain undergraduate life. However, this shortcoming can be overlooked due to all the other amazing properties freezys possess.

Even if someday I learn to like weird coffee drinks and exotic cheesecakes, I will still keep my freezer stocked with freezys!

Learn how to make Regular/Diabetic Freezies:
Apricot Freezies:Substitute canned apricot halves for peach slices and apricot nectar for peach nectar. Pear Freezies: Substitute canned pear slices for peach slices, pear nectar for peach nectar and almond extract for coconut extract, if desired.
Pineapple Freezies: Substitute crushed pineapple for peach slices and unsweetened pineapple juice for peach nectar.
Mango Freezies: Substitute chopped fresh mango for peach slices and mango nectar for peach nectar. Omit coconut extract.
(taken from

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