After reading several of the high school themed nodes here it seems pretty obvious that many noders harbored a great deal of hatred toward this tragic period of life. Before I sunk into a general apathy toward my fellow classmates in the last two years I was there I had earned my share of nicknames. Some of the more offending ones that spring to mind:

  • Shakes: As a kid I had been plagued by a small muscle problem in my hands- causing them to tremble slightly when held out in front of me. One day, in the cafeteria, I was crammed into a small table with several people I didn't like very much. Someone asked me to hand them a napkin so I obliged and, while holding out the napkin, my hand began to shake uncontrollably. Nervousness ensued, making the trembling grow in magnitude until the entire table was laughing at my little handicap. Thus the name was created.
  • Silence: For my entire life whenever I was made fun of I responded with the comfortable sound of silence. Not because I wasn't angry, but because I was always too scared to say anything. This name was given to me by the same group in the story above. One of my offending classmates, in a vain attempt to grant me some self esteem (?), asked me why I never talked back when harassed. Of course, this was said in a highly condescending tone of voice, causing me to retreat back into my little shell. Another nickname was born.
  • Obssession: This name stemmed from an incident in my freshman year. Feeling brave, I had decided that high school would be different from my previous years of education and I would be, if not popular, at least respected. After several months I experienced the first crush of my high school career. With immense bravado I asked her out and was quickly rejected. For some reason I then decided to write her a note apologizing for any awkwardness and expressing the hope that we would remain "friends". This was taken to be extremely odd and, by the end of the day, word was out that I was hopelessly obsessed. People are so willing to believe lies!
  • "Rubbish": Not actually given to me during high school, this name has followed me around for years. When my family moved to our current residence I attempted to make friends with the other kids on my block. It didn't take them long to turn against me, however, and I was dubbed "Rubbish Rob". Being the little pushover that I was I would laugh at this and attempt to make light of it. One day I asked someone why they had decided to call me this and they simply responded that "garbage" was too good for me. Yay.

This all happened some time ago. People don't bother me anymore, and I am able to look back on these times and laugh. I'm also not as weak as I used to be. Either that or names have just stopped having any effect on me.

My favorite high school nickname that I required was "Reefer Queen," funny because in high school I tried drugs a very few times (and smoked pot a grand total of once), was an honor student with a squeaky clean reputation. When you have that goody-goody reputation, it's amazing what you can get away with. Some kids in my Calculus class started calling me that as a joke...and little did they know.

The only other nickname I acquired (at least that I know about) was "The Presence," which was not quite as funny since it was bestowed upon me by a boy who was obsessed and who caused me a lot of pain.

My only other high school nicknames were plays upon my given name, which I'm sure everyone has been teased about their name once or twice, so not even worth mentioning.

Cheese. Freakin' cheese. I went through three years of high school with the nickname cheese! Do you know what it's like to have your name printed in your picture as "Cheese" next your prom date? Sally and cheese. That was horrible for the both of us. Very, very horrible.

When I was in early high school, I was quite heavy (I still am, but now I delude myself into saying I'll do something about it). In any case, I was once playing tag with a group of friends in a lightly wooded area of our school campus, and ran smack into a small tree. This would have been unremarkable (a bunch of us tripped, fell, hit things, etc.) except that the tree promptly uprooted and crashed down to the ground, fast enough that I actually ran through it, and stumbled on for perhaps twenty feet before losing balance.

Somehow, that earned me the appellation of Rhino. It wasn't until much later in my life that I learned that Rhinoceroses tend to have sex for around an hour, having an orgasm every forty seconds. Had I known that at the time, I would have been much less annoyed.


Now, some of you out there might be saying, aw, Crux, that's not so bad. But I assure you, friends, it's a terrible thing. I acquired this nickname because I happen to look quite a lot like the actor Rory Cochrane. So much so, in fact, that the nickname doesn't spread because people overhear me being called it - it spreads just because it occurs independently to every single person. This is why it's terrible. Every time I meet a new person, there's an 85% chance that they will, some time within our first several conversations, say, "Hey... You know who you look a lot like?" You'd think my agonized and knowing reply would tip them off that I've gotten it before, but No. It's, "Yeah! That guy, from Empire Records! Lucas! He was so cool! Wow! You really look a lot like him!" It is not then uncommon for said person to drag me to the closest gathering of their friends and to repeat above process.


Note: I am still in high school, so this does, in fact, apply, even though it is ever-ongoing.

And then there's EZ. I suppose I should explain it.
It's all stand/alone/bitch's fault, you see. It was the robert moses memorial everything long beach party and picnic of doom, and I decided to fashion an attractive uniform that I might be more easily recognized by my fellow noders. So I took a t-shirt and in duct tape wrote "Crux" and then a cross, and on the front the abbreviation E2. So, StAB, myopic that she is, takes one look at it, and says, "What does EZ stand for?" (Ok - so maybe it SORT OF looked like a Z) The picnicers won't let it go, the fuckers.

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