EDB Food Vending Machine
A Screenplay

Starring Gamaliel and dem bones

What if EDB got tired of Everything? What if he moved on to a happier place, where nobody had heard of him/her/it?

(Scene: A room, covered in nice beige stucco. An elevator is set in one wall, an vending machine in the opposite wall. Another door lies underneath the camera.)

(The elevator doors open to reveal Gamaliel and dem bones. They step out, apparently in the midst of a conversation.)

Gamaliel: Why?

dem bones: Because the fool's got a grenade in his mouth!

(Both laugh.)

Gamaliel: (seeing vending machine) Hey, dem: you hungry?

dem bones: (also noticing vending machine) Sure. Got any spare change on you?

Gamaliel: (searches pockets) Nope. Lemme check the pay phones at the front desk. (nods at vending machine) Try to find something cheap. (He leaves.)

dem bones: (wandering over to vending machine) Hmm... "My Little XP Whore" Cheese and Crackers, "Nodeshell Rescue" Life-Preserver-Shaped Cookies...

(EDB is hungry!)

dem bones: (jumps) Who was that?


dem bones: (looks around nervously, then shrugs.) Hmm... those cookies look good, how much are they? (He punches in the item number on the keypad.)

(The machine beeps, while displaying:)


dem bones: Mmm... cookies.

(Mmmm... noderflesh.)

dem bones: (twitches and begins to sweat) Umm... Gamaliel? Get back here... please?

(dem bones' schizoid-cyclic pattern of thought leading into hysteria is broken by a sound coming from the collection bin on the vending machine. He screams and whirls about, confronting a cute little blue/yellow package of "My Little XP Whore" Cheese and Crackers.)

dem bones: Yes! Gamaliel and I can get out of here! (He reaches for the package of crackers, but freezes just as he grabs hold. Directly in front of his face is the LCD panel used to show prices, and it's flashing:)


dem bones: Oh... god.( He tries to snatch his hand away from the package of crackers, but the collection bin door snaps shut on his forearm, trapping him. As )dem bones( moans and screams, the vending machine eats him- alive.)

(EDB was hungry!
dem bones was tasty!)

(A few minutes later, Gamaliel comes in, jingling some spare change.)

Gamaliel: Umm... Dem?


The End

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