Hmm....trying to kick an old habit. It's like trying to break up with a boyfriend you can't admit you don't love anymore. And when the gowing gets tough, and that evil monster rears his ugly head, I want to go back so badly. Just once, just twice, the voice in my head whispers. But I will not listen, i will not give in. There is too much hope and promise of good times to come. So I'll weather the present and search for sunlight.

I wore shorts on my head today. They kept my ears warm.

It's homecoming this week. That means early morning dance rehersals for the performance at the final pep assembly on Friday. And dressing like an idiot just because no one can say anything. Anything goes during homecoming week - bathing suits, hats, no shirts at all (for guys, anyway). Reduced homework. Staying after school every day to help with random tasks that need to get done before the game. Marching band practice. Waking up at three every morning to go search for the tire (lots of bonus puntos to the class who finds that). Planning the perfect senior prank to outdo the guys who put a VW bug in the courtyard and let chickens loose in the halls one year. Go seniors.

Other than that, there's really not much else going on. I went to Mobil and got some crackers for lunch, and some gummy octopus things. They were cuter than the name suggests. I went straight to bed when I got home, and just woke up less than an hour ago to the smell of stew cooking. Enough time to eat, node, and then it's bed again for me.

Today I sold my car for A$25. It was a 1983 Nissan Pulsar with automatic transmission that had served me well for almost 2 years. It suffered in an accident about two months ago on the way down to Wollongong - some major body damage to the front, some minor damage to the rear, but the engine still worked. It was still drivable.

No car wrecking yard wanted to buy it from me, even for zero dollars. I found out that to get it towed away to a scrap metal yard would cost me money so I put it up for auction on one of the Australian internet auction sites. It ended up getting sold for the minimum bid.

The guy who bought it met me here today and gave me my money. A tow truck will turn up later to take it away. *sigh*


Final exams in about 3 weeks! eeks.....

So, I've been dealing with a lot lately. Well, not a lot really, but for a while there I let my life drive me instead of the other way around and I don't like that feeling. It's never as fulfilling when you live it that way. And, at the center of it is this huge desire, maybe need, I feel to fall in love again. It has been so many years since I have felt that way towards someone and had it returned. I watch hamsty and heb , Void and Kendall, Agthorr and Oblio, and I am reminded of the feelings, the tastes, and touches that I once had, and I miss them sooo much.

And I realize that in wanting it so badly I have started doing stupid things. I've been shamelessly flirting with this really sweet guy because he's been flirting with me. But the thing is, he's a guy, and he just doesn't have that special something I need to go that way. So, I feel bad about my actions, and leading him on a little, and I don't like that.

So tonight, after an episode of buffy that got interrupted about a billion times, I kindly kicked out the monkeyboy and started working on myself. I exercised. I practiced my kicks, blocks, takedowns, stance, and punches. I sweat. I breathed hard. I decided to stop flirting with people just because they flirt back, even if they are nice. I decided that I will focus on what makes me feel best. I refuse to believe that all the cool girls with brains are straight and/or married (damn you void and templeton  ;)  ). I am also determined to find a female in this town cool enough to hang out with. Yes, my dear boys, I still love you but I need some female friends. I'm sick of Action Flicks and other boyishness all the time.

Ugh... so I'm feeling like a complete fool. It seems as if all I've done so far this semester is embarass myself in front of my profs. The other day it was Dr. K., the electrodynamics prof. My friend C asked a ridiculously stupid question in class (think high school level calculus in a third year university physics course). As per our usual methods of dealing with stuff like this, I said "Good job, C." To which Dr. K. responded, "That's the kind of negative peer pressure we don't need in this class." And went on about how he wants people to ask more questions. Then my friend A. remarked quite loudly on how red I was turning, while the entire class laughed. Then C. stuck his tongue out at me.

That was not a good day.

But, as I found out today, things can and do tend to get worse. So, I was just getting off of the elevator when Dr. D., my thermodynamics prof, was getting on. He asked me how I was. And before I knew it, the words "I hate your class" came flying out of my mouth. Then my brain kicked in. WTF!!! I just said that to my PROF!!! I am so FUCKING TOAST!!! So Dr. D. hopped back off of the elevator before the doors closed, to ask me if I was having problems in the course and to try to help me figure things out. Shit!! I haven't read the notes yet!! So I BS'd about how I didn't understand the difference between exact and inexact differentials, as he was using the terms in the class and how I was confused about adiabats and PV curves and all that.... I tried to get rid of him as fast as I could so I could go try to remove my feet from my mouth. But he wouldn't stop talking to me, trying to help me. So I told him I would come ask questions later.

That finally worked. So I read the notes, and did actually have some questions to ask later (so I don't feel like such a retard pretending I was confused), and they were even actually along the lines of what I had been BS'ing about. So he explained it thouroughly to me, and I even kind of get it now.

I still felt so dumb for telling him I hated his class, though. So I emailed to apologize. He was pretty good about it, and even told me that he said the same things to some of his profs when he was an undergrad, and some of them were really good profs. Whether or not that's a lie, I'll never know. But I guess at least he didn't take it too seriously.

Sydney, 13:28

Well, the Olympics are over & I'm back at work. I tried to get to work early today to finish some software we needed for a demo today, but, of course, the traffic had entirely different ideas. So instead of getting to work at 08:30ish like I planned, I arrived at 09:45ish. Fantastic. Took me an hour to go 500 meters. Stupid idiot Lexus driver had to have an accident where I needed to drive - how selfish of him :)

Other than that it hasn't been too bad - lets see how the demo goes this afternoon first tho hey?

17:21

Well, apparently we aren't having the demo today. Just like we weren't having it last Friday after I worked 4 12 hours days in a row to get the software in a state that I could be demo because thats how many days they gave me at the start - Oh well... lucky I'm not a bitter person! :)
1. Live life to the fullest. I expect there will be a tommorrow for 99% of us, but if you only had about 100 of them left, what would you do-where would you go and who would you spend the time with?

2. Tell the people you love, you love them. Look them right in the eyes and tell them. Walk away knowing that they know. Carry that feeling around a while.

3. Be a little patient with people not as smart as you. I am guessing that is a lot of people for most of you. Ignorance is not bliss. Most people are mad and resentful and don't like being talked down to anymore than you do.

4. Share art, music, literature, nodes, etc. Sharing the world says to people- I like this, I like you and-What have you got? If the other person does not "get it" then you have just learned something important, haven't you?

5. At least once a day, stop and be still. For a least two minutes. Listen to what you don't usually hear. Taste the air. Feel the fabric of your chair or your sweater. Experience life as if you have been in a sick bed for 6 months and are finally out of quarantine-

Cool, isn't it?

Today, well, actually, yesterday, was mostly uneventful, otherwise, but I will go on and explain much of my day in painful detail.

I should be writing my paper on fate right now. I don't feel like it's in my future to actually write a good paper. I'm on page two and it already feels like I'm running out of reasons why I should get an A for my paper, which is all I'm really writing for anyway. The paper is supposed to be about The House of The Spirits, but I find myself totally uninterested in the book. It's well written, and when I do read it, I find myself enthralled, but only in that very surface layer. I don't find myself exploring depth in Allende's words, it's rather distressing to me, therefore, that I have only read about 150 pages out of 400 and I'm stuck. Such is life.

I've decided to sell my iBook on eBay. I don't want to do this. It was my first mac and I love it, really. And I don't know if it's because it's a mac or because it's my first fully functional laptop(the first one I had had no battery). I intend to buy an iMac or a G4 when the time comes, but for now, I think I'll stick with x86's. I'm really sorry about that, and I don't know why. I think it's because I could claim I don't run Windows when my teacher tells me to install the latest Windows software.

I started reading the essay in A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again about the Illinois State Fair, and, in a fit of inspiration, I started an essay on the Boone County Fair, which I'll node it whenever I actually get it done.

My friend paypaled 20 bucks to me today to help me pay my rent. I feel like such a mooch. I work a lot, and so I think I should be able to pay my rent, but I can't. I'm going to sell about 8 CD's right now to go help with that.

The other woman in my life seemed depressed, again, and so I saw her. She took me to dinner, and I had 3 chicken tacos. They were good. She said I made her feel better. This makes me feel good. She also said she wants to have sex with me, which gives me a lot of mixed feelings. I'm super-sensitive to the words people use, and I usually prefer the term make love or fuck than have sex, which sounds really clinical. I realize that when I think about that, it's always in the middle of the act, not the beginning or end. I don't know what this means.

I won a small cone or apple pie from McDonalds today, too. I won this because I found an unpeeled sticker on a cup sitting in a classroom. This, for some reason, makes me smile.

As sad as it seems, I've been listening to Cradle of Filth's song From the Cradle to Enslave over and over again. The "singer"s scratchy voice is kind of addicting and fits well in the song, and I just like the double bass drum kick that goes on througout the song. I also have been listening to Kid A, the new Radiohead album, which is beautiful, and it's kind of a shock to go between half-assed death metal to Radiohead.

I also decided to dress up in a Brittany Spears-esque Catholic Schoolgirl outfit for Halloween. If you ever saw a picture of me IRL, you'd see how funny this was. When I do it, I'll make it the picture on my home node.

prev daylog next daylog

Last night we went out to eat all you can eat sushi. Sushi is quite expensive in Israel, so it was supposed to be worth our while. The up-side: I was full from eating sushi for the first time ever (I usually have a hamburger or something before going to eat sushi). The down-side: it was just mediocre. A fried of ours was in a chain car accident. She was in the middle. She's fine, but we decided that she should get phone calls constantly for about one hour. So everyone we knew called her. I think the highlight was when I called her and told her that I'm calling from the organ transplant centre; I had heard she'd been in an accident, and wondered if she would mind donating some organs should she expire.

I started on my version of the Body for Life program. It means that every morning, except Saturday, I go to the gym first thing (before breakfast). 4 days a week weight training and 2 aerobic training. I went yesterday to loosen up my muscles, as I hadn't been in the gym for a while, and today I went to start on my aerobic workout. 20 minutes on the bicycle. I could have done a bit better.

P.S. I've just read that, and I guess it looks like I'm overweight. I'm actually not. I'm trying to GAIN weight. I'm a bit too skinny for my taste. My goal is 65 kg. I'm now 62.5.

Oh god... Hell has frozen over... I was a bad person in a former life ...

My mother called this morning as I was waiting for the train. She wants a computer. She wants the internet on her computer. She's not the most technical of people, I bought my parents a new video and satellite dish for Christmas last year (well the dish was for me really, so I don't get too bored when I visit), and despite leaving written instructions on how to use both, my mum calls me to ask how she sets the video, my dad sits up till the program he wants to tape starts, then presses record.

This is going to be a nightmare. It's bad enough supporting Windows 98 for my brother in-law, but supporting my parents? I'm going to recommend an iPaq, leagacy free, with Windows 2000. Then Compaq can support them :) Of course, I can see the next question ... can I have a web cam to see you? Buying my sister one was a mistake ...

My voice exercises arrived today. I'm wandering around the office making "ooo" sounds. As if I wasn't weird enough.


Get home. Check email. Halloween party invite from Wintersweet. Ohhhhh! So I will be drunk in some strange area of CA. Meep!

Tired today.
For the last 2 days I've been playing with Lego until about 1am, and being woken up at 7am by the postman delivering parcels.

Had a bit of a breakthrough at work last night, and finally got something working I'd been trying to do for 3 or 4 days. What a relief. I feel like a psychological barrier has been broken, and now I will work better for the rest of the week. Momentum.

Also playing with hobby programming. I have a Java API for Winamp, complete with a sample Applet. If you want to try it, give me a shout. I havn't put it up on a website yet, but can email it to interested people. The applet is quite neat. People in my office can now se what I'm listening to (currently an in the playlist), control the volume, pause, play etc. Fortunately not too many of my friends annoy me with it too often :-)

TallRoo's Node Of The Day: lblack's brilliant "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

13:22

Woke up really late today... Should get to sleep earlier.

Re: yesterday's bookmark description vanishing, I can just say that I need to stop updating bookmarks until it's fixed. The Only Real Way.

The nightly builds have kewl blue skin option, too! (They call it the "modern" skin. It's a must have. Fits to my desktop colors, too.)

13:39

Any musicians listening? Someone please make a song that has "please do not feed the trolls" in the refrain. What Usenet (and all net communities, including E2) need is a good ol' protest song. =)

15:00

Whoa! Signal 11 in Kuro5hin... posting stories. I hope the "kArmA wh0re" whiner trolls don't follow... =)

I've noticed I'm actually writing stuff to K5. Sometimes even stuff that looks randomly interesting. Hmm.

16:11

So now I've submitted grand total of two Mozilla bug reports. Both are probably clueless and get tagged as WORKSFORME or INVALID - or maybe not.

I'm afraid to file bug reports for many reasons... First is that I'm often not able to reproduce the bug (in this bookmark-comment case the bug was reproduced every time everywhere, so it's clearly easy to see what's wrong!), second is that those may be duplicates, and third is that I've screwed up once BIG TIME when submitting a bug report to Debian. So there. I'm bugreport-phobic.

19:34

I bought the Pokémon: The First Movie video today. Just because a) I got a really cool Mewtwo promo card with it, and b) I was now able to see it frame by frame.

The first reason was kind of interesting... I actually kind of like the Pokémon TCG, and I actually have chance of playing it (I lost interest to Magic: the Gathering when I had no one to play it with). The usual opponent said she now has a way better deck than I do. Well, this card alone may make it a bit less better. =)

The latter reason might sound silly. But it was definitely worth it. You see, I just saw two specific frames of the movie and laughed for 10 minutes straight. Not only is Vulpix cute, but it's funny too!

22:32

Damn this crap. I'm once again Officially Pissed Off™ even when this was supposedly impossible.

  • Guess if www.cabal.net is visible in Mozilla? Nope... black text on black background. Smart? NOT!
  • I'm useless. I'm incompetent. I'm an idiot. I'm unlucky. Really.

00:09

Well, turned out better. The other bug turned out to be DUPLICATE, the other as of yet UNCONFIRMED... Just that the search didn't show them by default. Bugzilla is a fairly confusing beast. (Hey, another oxymoron. Argh, I should go to sleep. Bye!)


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: skin GPG (better luck this time)
Updated:

back | days | front

But I'm supposed to be off sick, dammit!

Yes, more calls from work. Can I just tell someone how to import such and such into the thingamijig, and could I email someone with detailed instructions on how to run our source control server.

Umm, hello? Does the word recuperation mean anything to you? Leave me alone and let me get better.

I have been told that my friend Mark has got a login here on e2! Help! Has anyone else found that they panic when presented with the prospect of someone from real life reading all their nodes?

Hmm, if there's one good thing about recuperating from an operation, it is that I get all my food shopping bought for me. I could really get used to all this lazing around...

And my Mother is making Lasange for me! Yay!

12:45 BST

Erm, Quick Question for you all: I want a webcam that will work with Mandrake 7.1. It must be USB. I have looked at the philips vesta pro, and the creative labs webcam go plus. Any suggestions? Thanks.

18:40 BST

I must remember to node those ambient CDs mark got me:

Well, at some point I shall node them. yeah, right

Well, once again relief is the emotion of the day. I have no more prelims (basically midterms) this week and fall break begins on friday. Four day weekend! Only two more days until i head home for the first time in about two months. But enough about the future, i gotta talk about today.

Waking up was nothing special, except for the giant thunderclaps which probably woke up every person on campus (except for those out cold... there were prelims last night... people "celebrate" after those things).

Things to do today:

1. Go to my classes (math, chem, and freshman writing seminar).
2. Pick something up from alpha chi sigma
3. Play Unreal Tournament (thats a given...)
4. Possibly call my parents. I am going to see them in two days, but maybe i should let them know what time i'm gonna be arriving and stuff like that.
5. Sleep. I can do a lot of this now that my testing is over (for this week at least)
previous | next

Ok, here's what you DO NOT do:

DO NOT spend 300$ on a credit card if you have no source of income. It's just plain dumb.

If you do happen to be stupid enough to spend 300$ on a credit card, DO NOT take out 600$ worth of savings bonds to pay it off. That goes double if you're the type of person who isn't very responsible when it comes to money. That sort of thing would stretch the depths of idiocy.

If you have 11 out of 10 on the retard-o factor and you 300$ "extra" after paying off you credit card DO NOT spend most of it on Magic cards.. Oh Holy Pants that would be really friggin' stupid.

Erf...

On another note, you really shouldn't get behind in college because you think you're better than everyone else on the planet.

If this happens anyhow DO NOT get sick for the two days you thought you would use to catch up. That's would be some bad, smelly, mojo.

If you do get really far behind in you studies because of your own dim-witted senselessness you really shouldn't spend you study time on E2 while listening to Radiohead's Kid A, no matter how good the CD is, when you could be doing math tests.

Well boys and girls, I think that'll be the end of today's lessons but don't worry, I can almost guarantee I'll be back with more in the not too distant future..



Today's music selection:

Radiohead - Kid A
Towa Tei - Sound Museum
Radiohead - The Bends
Tori Amos - To Venus and Back



Apparently, Björk has a new CD out.. I might pick that up today too...
17:07

I'm back!
Well, it's not like I was exactly away. My E2 activities have just been minimal for the last few weeks, and it's time to catch up again. Don't worry, I haven't sunken to the depths of noder's block or had my boss prevent network connections to everything2.com.. I've just been too damn busy with irrelevant crap, also known as work.
Next week my boss actually transfer to the other side of the building. This makes it hard for him to breathe down my neck every 3 minutes. Joy! Not that I would quit working altogether and slack off, there still are deadlines to keep.

I saw my cousin on the TV the other night. It's strange, really.. We used to be really close as kids, but then just "drifted apart". Despite living only a few km away from eachother, we haven't talked in years. Hell, I haven't even seen him in ages. He's a true hippie nowadays, and I'm .. not. Funny, how two people so similar as children can turn out so different. Probably the only similarity between us would be herbal remedies and disliking the military service in Finland. And I'm not even sure if he smokes pot.
What was the TV thing about? Oh, he was organizing a protest in Helsinki against the inprisonment of conscientious objectors. A good cause if you ask me. So, good for him. Too bad I'm too busy sitting at the empty office noding to take part in any political action.

Time to grab the good old umbrella and start heading towards the HQ. More later, or not.


Today's Writeups
Dream Log: October 4, 2000 | Yamaha CS-40M | Yamaha CS-70M | Yamaha DX27 | Yamaha DX27S | Yamaha DX100

Nodekeeping
Yamaha

Track of the Day
Cornelius - Cannabis

Back to work again today. Urgh. Yesterday managed to play Roller Coaster Tycoon, nice game. Today added writeup to day log and updated the Master Everything List. That Everywhere looks interesting ...

New Bjork? Really? Oh, I want. But with taking a 50% pay cut by moving jobs, it's right out of the question. Used CDs are even questionable at this point. That's okay, though. I think working at the Oakland Museum of California is going to be good. And if it goes decently, I have something to keep doing if I don't get into Berkeley. This is a cheering thought.

I decided on my Halloween costume, I think: Gwynn from Sluggy Freelance. All I need is a tiny black dress and some glasses. (And a diet. Feh on Pete and his Barbie doll figures.) For my party, anyway. For handing-out of candy on Halloween proper, I'll probably put on my floor-length silver and black dress, and my fairy wings.

Back to working on my Berkeley application.
...Past Yonder...Hitherto...

1:01 AM EST -- *blip*

Wasn't enough that there was a lightning storm outside keeping me awake. (Say what you want about me being afraid of lightning, but that thunder's loud and hard to sleep to) But, in the corner of my room, I heard a rather familiar, unwanted noise...

(Sound of hard drive heads resetting) Fweeeeeeooooooooooooooooweeeeehummmmmm...

Damnit, I thought to myself, I'd better not hear what I think i'm gonna hear next...

...mmmmmmm *BEEP*

Power outage. Linux box went down. At least now I know all my startup scripts work properly.

5:40 PM EST -- MORE RAM?

After a rather uneventful day at class, I came home to find my bro wanting to rip his video tuner card out of my Windoze box. I had no problems with this.

Now, lemme tell you something about the new computer my dad got from Ford. It's name is Spot. It's got some nifty stuff on it, but it lacks in two areas: Video card (A crap on-motherboard number) and memory (32MB of RAM? The hell?)

Another thing was a LONG time ago, I had two memory chips, each a 64MB PC100, which I had to yank from my system, as they seemed to be either bad or incompatible with my 440LX motherboard. (Funny, they DID work for months before they started failing) This new box from Ford is MORE than likely compatible with the PC100 RAM.

Now, add those two paragraphs together. The obvious answer is to jam the RAM into the new box and see if it works right. Maybe UT and HL will run properly...

BUT, there's more... I've had a small 32MB PC66 chip around for even LONGER. (I won't get into why) This chip was used when I ditched the two 64MB chips and was waiting for a new 128MB chip to come in. However, when I got the 128MB chip, I absent-mindedly just removed the 32MB, instead of using it WITH the 128 to give myself 160MB of niftage.

This time, though, my box was going to be opened, and I had it on my mind. So, I figured, why not put the chip to good use?

  • First try: BIOS didn't recognize it. Tried readjusting.
  • Second try: Got as far as the TNT2's init, locked hard. Gave up and removed chip.

Ah, well. 128MB is good enough for me. Shut up. It is.
I tend to lose myself when I begin dating people. I mold myself into the perfection I know they are seeking. It's not that I lie or pretend. It's just that I push away all the parts of me they might not like, hide them deep, ignore them and pull out all the things I know they would like. I forget who I am for a while and only know what they want me to be. No, they never say it, but I can see it. I know them well, I know what they want and I give it. Then I realize I'm not getting what I want, that the long conversations aren't enjoyable. It gets to the point where I find that I have lied, that I've faked my orgasms, and that I'm unhappy.

"You're perfect." I've heard this from every single person I've dated. "You're exactly what I've always been looking for," they have whispered in my ear. "I'm falling in love with you," they say, and I tell them to hush, because I don't want to hear it. Because I know it isn't me they love. Because I know it's just another one of my 3002 personalities that isn't the whole me.

And now I'm missing me.
This is the first time I have written a day log, but since something especially unusual happened today, I will add a note here.

At 5:00pm my parked car and two others got smashed into by a van in the parking lot at my work. Someone was getting picked up from work by a lady in a van, and her brakes gave out as she was backing out, and so she sped off and slammed into three cars.

The first car she hit had the entire front end compressed in. My car was backed in and parked next to an empty spot, so by the time she took out the first car, she was deflected over to the front right corner of my car, which she hit to the side and knocked my car an almost perfect 90 degrees to the left. This dislodged the right side of my front bumper and dented a little on the side of my car, but most of the body damage was around the front right wheel.

I have a Saturn (you know, with the plastic doors), and I can see where something hit my door, but it's not dented there. However, the worst potential damage is going to be in my front end wheel system since the van compressed my car's front wheels together when my car stopped at the parking curb, so at the minimum I will have to get an alignment even if nothing was damaged. The third car was hit by her trailer hitch straight into the door, finally stopping the van. If that car wasn't there, she would have flew out into 3 lanes of traffic. So it was something like this:

=======================================================
(before)                            3 lane hiway
               my car             |              |
    car 1      /                  |    |    |    |
         __   __        __  car 3 |              |
        |--| |--|      |--|/      |    |    |    |
        |__| |__|      |__|       |              |
        |__| |__|      |__|      -'    |    |    |
                                                 |
                                       |    |    |
                                 -.              |
____                              |    |    |    |
    |                             |              |
    |   __                        |    |    |    |
    |  |  |                       |              |
    |  |__| -van                  |    |    |    |
    |  |__|                       |              |
    |                             |    |    |    |
  \                               |              |
  building
=======================================================
(after)
           my car                 |              |
    car 1     __\__     car 3     |    |    |    |
        \_   ||  | |     __       |              |
        /|\  ||__|_|____|--|      |    |    |    |
        \/|\      | |   |__|      |              |
         \/ | ....|_|___|__|      |    |    |    |
          \/.`      \           --'              |
           .        van                |    |    |
           :                                     |
____       :                    --.    |    |    |
    |      :                      |              |
    |      :                      |    |    |    |
    |      :                      |              |
    |                             |    |    |    |
        
=======================================================

At least I got the least amount of visible damage. Nobody got hurt, since all of the cars were parked and nobody was in them. Everyone had insurance, so it shouldn't cost anything, but knowing insurance companies, my cost will probably go up. I'm kind of pissed because I like my car and if there's anything wrong, it's probably never going to work the same again. I hate to trade it in, but I've had too many cars in the past that were used and had problems, so I finally gave in and got this car new (in 1996) so I wouldn't have those occasional random problems popping up.

There's a point when you're so late for a class it's just not worth going anymore. I went anyway, since I was supposed to discuss project plans with my group after class. I got the Look of DeathTM from my professor when I unsuccessfully tried to sneak in. I patiently waited for the final 3 minutes of the class to finish, then met up with my group. Somehow I had been elected coordinator for the group. Apparently my natural leadership skills shone through again.

Later in the afternoon I had a car inspection appointment. This was the first time I would be going to an inspection and I imagined it would take a terribly long time. To my surprise, it was quite efficient and expedient. I got my new sticker and a handy printout that detailed some statistics about my car. Strangely enough, carbon monoxide emmisions was listed as zero. Darn. I can't kill myself with this vehicle.

Throughout the day, I conveniently procrastinated doing any sort of useful work. It is now 2:30 AM the day after, and my procrastination has caught up. It's a fun game I liked to play, and I validate it by saying I perform better under pressure

I had been neglecting my yo-yo's the past few weeks, and the past few days I've been relearning some things I forgot. However, it's similar to bike-riding, in that you don't really forget it. I'm pretty much caught up with where I left off.

One half of the week is done. Only a little bit more before the weekend, and that will be a relief.

Induction day at uni. Nothing special. Had lunch with a few law students, who were pretty cool (although I'm unlikely to ever see them again). I'm beginning to suspect that Rhona1 isn't being obsessed with that guy she's always with, but merely a bitch. Time will tell.

Things wrapped up at about 3, so I went to the GU to sign up there, and bumped into Yvonne, who actually bought me a drink in the Beer Bar (I met her a week and a half ago, and this was the first time I've seen her buy liquid refreshment with her own money). At 4, we decided that none of our friends were going to turn up, so headed home. She took the bus, I took the subway. At Buchanan Street, Dave hopped on the train.

Hey, Dave, wanna go see Toploader tonight?
yeah, when are they on?
7pm at the Barrowlands.
Sure, why not?

5pm
call Virgin Megastore. Sold out.
call Barrowlands box office. Sold out.
call Way Ahead box office. They have two tickets. I buy 'em to pick up later.

6pm
we head into town. Eat in Burger King in Central Station. Get a taxi to the venue. End up there half an hour before the doors open. Lots of hanging around.

Support band (Straw) great, main band (Toploader) excellent. Encore performance, Achilles Heel rocks. Woohoo.


1 - Rhona being one of the three people in my course who I have previously met.
My job involves making money for my company, a national newspaper, by selling advertising and sponsorships.

Anyone who has read any of my previous daylogs will know that I dislike it.

I have relentlessly ripped the piss out of my job, and what it entails in:

Today the M.D. actually wouldn't let us go home until we had brought in £150,000.

Literally, it was 5:30pm, and we were all winding down, and he called a senior manager into his glass office in the centre of the room, from where he can see everything (and in my case, everything 2, too) and said,

"Get me £150,000. No-one's leaving until we have reached that figure"

The atmosphere became highly charged. I realised that he had probably seen my everything 2 screen up for about the last 2 hours, and blamed the substantial shortfall on me.

"Show me the money"

That's their attitude.

The worst thing is that people actually flustered around, calling people and hauling ass to get him wahat he wanted and give in to his demands.

We got the money too.

But

What kind of message does that send out? People will perform better if you bully, threaten them, and treat them like children.That's the mesasge it sends out.

Completely the wrong tack to take I think. But the industry thrives on pressure, and I don't. Which is why I don't belong there.

Slow connection.
I'm reading nodes and email alternately, folding laundry while the pages load. It's not even my laundry. That's who i am. I will do what i can for you.

The music playing reminds me of certain relations, certain constellations of people and events, certain times when i played it over and over. Lying in bed with Pauline, comparing bellies, making faces and laughing. Walking through the arched stone pathways at Lancing, to go see James. Singing this very song. That's all gone. But here's this song, lurking in my sister-in-law's music collection as if it could belong to anyone else.

So i look down at the list for today, after laundry:

Calvert people: my name is wrong.
skye |       i am coming.
shawn|         i am almost there.
miana:       thank you
bob:         i am sorry thank you
alex:        how do i find you?
dennis:      how do i find you?
ryan:        how do i find you?
josh/beth:   how do i thank you?
chris:       how do i miss you.
online resume: what is important?
       what do i want?
        how do they find me?
postcards:   tell them it's all right.
 it is.
So, so, after a shower in the mirror, my body just about looks strong, in a stylized kind of way. But with the clothes on it looks shapeless to me. And i guess i gotta wear clothes. Even out here. Far away just isn't really.
happy barfday to me
happy barfday to me
food poisoning from fajitas
happy barfday to me!
the good side: i got to spend most of the day in bed with the man (he had the fajitas, too).

the bad side: when i wasn't in bed i was barfing.

but i won't complain. next wednesday i go skydiving and soon i get my day at the dayspa.

many thanks to everyone who took time to /msg me birthday greetings! i love it. you guys rock.

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