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Time: Wed, 22 Nov 2000 00:20:37 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_ssl/2.4.10 OpenSSL/0.9.4 mod_perl/1.21_03-dev

Number of nodes: 756891 (375 new since November 21, 2000 [753.8 wa7])
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JeffMagnus node of the day: The Everything Credibility Problem

Today is official "they are not calling back" day.

(This particular holiday could come at any time, and perhaps several days in succession.)

There is even more than one "they." There are several. I seem to be on a roll.

Strangely, I am not having fits of paranoia and self-consciousness - yet. Although I do have a vague numinous feeling that it's all somehow connected. I have made up my mind, though; the next time I am in this position, I am definitely, definitely calling back. Even if it's to say something horrible. This is so much worse.

Silence sucks.

Arrrrgggghhhhh. I've had a bunch of shitty days in a row. Why my life sucks:
  1. I'm flunking differential equations. I flunked a test earlier today, and I've been basically sucking in that class all semester.
  2. I'm flunking physics. I flunked a test earlier today, and I've been basically sucking in that class all semester. If I do end the semester still flunking both these classes, I will be on academic probation.
  3. I have stress fractures in my shins, and some thing else that's fucked up in my knees, something with my patella sliding out of place. Basically it means that I can't play Ultimate, the game I love, the sport that gives my life meaning and purpose, for 6 weeks.
  4. I do too much drugs. At least part of the reason(actually a lot of the reason) I am flunking classes is because I smoke too much pot.
  5. I don't have any pot. Well, OK, my life doesn't suck because of that, but it would be really really nice to have some weed. I would really like to get stoned right now. Of course, the blatant contradiction of this and the one right above it does not escape me.
  6. I am not getting any(sort of). I did get way, way too drunk on Galens 151 punch and hook up with a girl who is a total slut and who I would not ever, ever, ever in a million years, touch if I was sober last weekend. Boy, I felt great about that the next day. And the girl that I do like, who is interesting and has a personality and such, well, I talk to her. And usually manage to make myself sound really stupid. Why is it that being near a girl that I am remotely interested in turns me into a drooling cretin?

Ok, now I'm going to stop whining and realistically look at things.
Things aren't all bad. I'm about to go on vacation, and I've still got a chance to pass my classes. I've got friends who I'm about to go hang out with now. Actually, I really don't have that much to complain about, and all of my problems can be traced back to one source - ME. So really what I should do is stop whining about it on E2, start working hard in my classes, stop smoking so much and get my fucking act together. But its a lot easier to bitch and moan than to actually do anything.
Wednesday, Sydney, 6:15pm

Early start to a beautiful Sydney morning, bright and clear. Woke at 5am, the sun was up and although I tried to sleep in, after 5 minutes I was up and alert.

Little politics affected me today, which is such an amazing relief. While not enjoying the gestalt, it was at least mostly technical and therefore fun. Today I brought up another new Mandrake host, dropped an additional 18Gb into it, got the spankin' new netatalk 1.4.99 package running, fixed some Apache configuration weirdness around a recent PHP upgrade. Was called to an all-agency meeting to meet a new PR woman who seems to be something of a technophobe. Then a nice meeting with a nice client designing a nice microsite campaign. Fully expecting the client's host to be IIS, it made my day to discover that they're a Linux/Apache site.

At the airport now, will be home by 8pm. Gemma and Molly are collecting me, looking forward to seeing my lovely family again.

back | days | forth

I want to be an Astronaut

8:10 GMT

I have to write my CV today; There's a job fair at IBM tomorrow and they are desperate for IT people. Dana and I have plans for next year, and I need a better job and more financial security to implement these plans. But that is another story!

Sometimes I can act so childish and excited; I woke up every 30 minutes last night, waiting to call my fiancee. I was like a child at christmas time! I finally called at 4:40am here, 11:30pm there. It seems like a good time to call as we can spend 2 hours talking to each other and I still have time to get into work.

It's been a while since I got up so early; I've been attempting to stay up later to catch katyana, but I've found that fatigue and lethargy prevent me from conducting proper conversations. So, waking up early puts me back into my old body clock mode. I get up early and go to sleep early; this gets me into work easily by 8am, and I can leave with a clear conscience at 4:30pm. Which is nice...

15:20 GMT

Geek Rant Below, Please Ignore...

Why am I feeling anxious when it's my boss who is the one at fault? He has written an SDK for our client software. Today he proudly told me that it was at a point where it was ready for it's initial version to be added into our source control system. The problem is that he has used visual c++ for his IDE and has completely fouled things up. Fully two thirds of the files needed for the project to even build are located in directories he has simply copied over from other source repositories, so we now have 2 versions of many things; his answer to this was "We'll fix it later" which means, of course, "You'll fix it later." He has also neglected to properly use the microsoft tool's features by hard coding .IDL pathnames into files without adding them properly into the project, so DevStudio doesn't know a thing about them when it comes to adding them into source control. Because he hasn't added these files into the project, we have to rely on checking in a whole bunch of .h, *_i.c and *_p.c files that should be automatically generated by the midl compiler. And he's left a whole bunch of intermediate binaries littered around the workspace, a series of backup files renamed to .old and .bak and he's using .dsw workspace files instead of .dsp project files... In our project at least, your workspace never gets checked in!

Of course, he is a manager, so I can't have a go at him.

Sheesh!

The upshot of this is that I have spent several hours doing work that he should have done, taking precious time away from my slacking! :-(


This is one of those daylogs that are written as the day progresses, so expect updates. Ooh, I bet you can't wait!

12:12

Woke up way too late today. Yeah, I was supposed to be at the university at 8. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Well, I had something remotely fun* in IRC last night...

::sigh::

* remotely fun in sense that it wasn't fun for me (for external reasons), but I hope someone was happy...

Onward to face the challenges of the day!

15:12

I removed some old bookmarks from my home node.

<obvious>

Random Tip Of The Day (Especially For You Newbies Out There):

Hmmmm... Why do many people bookmark Welcome to Everything or Everything User Search? Look to the top of this page. Then a bit right. Then a bit down. See? That thing called "Epicenter". It has cool links. Try them someday. Now, look a bit up. See that Everything logo? By clicking it, you'll return to the front page. Cool, huh? =)

Tip for the AdvNc3d YuuZrz! You can place a link to E2 at your taskbar! Or perharps make E2 as your browser home page!

</obvious>

19:52

Argued with a windroid on the topic "you can't have filenames with scandinavic letters and spaces in Linux" (showed two screenshots and he still seems to disbelieve... =)

I also bought the two comic books about Finnish Civil War. They have both the same story from the perspectives of Red and White perspective. Very interesting...

23:16

Ultima 7 works! In Linux!

I heard Exult was in state that U7 could actually be finished with it, so I decided to give it a whirl. Pre-made package. Data from the CD-ROM (I found this from budget bin years ago). And ta da! Music sounds a lot better than it did with SoundBlaster - it now uses TiMidity to produce music.

Oh, and this works without Mo'Slo... Actually, I never could slow U7 down enough on my P166, so this is just Kewl. =)

I just wish there would be "use system fonts" option - U7's screen font is somewhat hard to read.


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.:

Updated: Avoid noding about noding (added smallish summary and note that the inspirational node got nuked - good, that =)

I’m sick of waking up and hearing in the radio that people die because of their ideas.

I live in a country with a long history of fascism, absolutism and despotism. Many have been oppressed, and many have decided to stand up and fight back. The terrorist organization ETA fought against the dictator general Franco and now they fight everyone of us (even those who they think they are defending) they are assassinating good citizens, in the name of one of the highest form of stupidity: nationalism.

Yesterday they assassinated Ernest Lluch (go and visit his node to learn more), a rare specimen of intellectual, writer, appreciated college professor and politic. He was also one of the best ministries of health we have ever had, but above all, an intelligent person and one that always has been pro-dialogue.

I feel sick and sad this morning.

15:43

My eyes hurt.

But what else than ocular migraine would you expect after staring at the monitor for 6 hours with the same amount of sleep the night before? I really need to get my ass to bed early tonight, but there's just so much to do. All the fun stuff is best to do late at night, when there is a miniscule amount of external distraction present.

I still haven't found my creative flow yet, but at least some tiny ideas have popped from to my brain to the screen. Still.. Things might get ugly with such a steep deadline. I'll probably be doing 13-hour-workdays next week.

I really got pissed off at the crappy tabloid Iltalehti today. Once again they let the demented Ritva Santavuori on their pages to spit out total misinformation as a message carved in stone by god. Nobody questions her and probably at least 95% of the braindead public believes in the crap.
And yes, my writeup on the Kyle's-mom-lookalike is somewhat subjective. But it really frustrates me to see the nation being pushed back to the stone age by a senile idiot with no grasp of reality.
Again, sorry for the childish rant.

Soon it's time to leave for the local electronics store to get a new TV set. I'll have to be satisfied with a small 21" one though, since a large widescreen one couldn't fit in my place. And there is also the matter of saving lots of cash for the Tokyo trip. Oh well, 21 inches is plenty for a 12m² room.
Does size really matter?

Ugh! No fair! I wanted to be on the Everything Snapshot! There's no way of getting on it now since the writeup has passed. And I have too much work to do for me to stay on long enough to appear on the snapshot.

Anyways, for some reason, I do the following routine every day when I arrive at work:

1. Set-up my laptop.
2. Turn on my laptop.
3. Once logged in, I check to see if my Love is online in MSN Messenger.
4. I check my company e-mail on Lotus Notes.
5. I check my Excite.com e-mail
6. I peruse the weather and horoscope information on Excite.
7. I then check out Blueovalnews.com to get the latest on Ford's News.
8. And finally, Everything 2 (here) gets my full attention.

By the end of this routine, it's almost 10 am EST! I still haven't started my work! But once I start feeling guilty, or at least some sort of urgency, the work begins.

The good thing is that on really busy days, I don't even go through this routine! I guess this routine is a good indicator for the impending state of my day.

It's strange that some people consider sitting in front of a computer all day, every day, work, as opposed to actually having some sort of athletic, physical action (like moving boxes).

10:16am EST
I imagine how my life was last year still being in university, trying to complete my last year of studies. I then imagine how horrible it must be for the current students in that school to stress over little, miniscule and worldly-insignificant things and how good it is for me not to be in that situation in trying to kiss some professor's ass.

Yesterday my English teacher winked at me.

This is why I didn't really want to be in his class at the beginning of the year. Everyone knows that I'm gay, and everyone knows that he's gay. I didn't want something like this to happen.

But now I can see it. He actually looks at me dreamily sometimes. And while it's flattering, the guy is old. If he were some 20-something year old stud, I wouldn't mind it so much (in fact, I might even wink back), but the guy must be at least 40.

I keep telling myself that it's just a wink and that it doesn't mean anything, but I know it does. The guy flirts with all of the boys in his class to get attention (it's a surprisingly effective method of teaching - he doesn't mean any of it, and everyone listens to him because of it), but he lays off me completely in public. I try to avoid getting stuck alone with him, but I know I won't be able to forever.


My friend Skye broke up with her boyfriend, Kris, yesterday.

THANK GOD! We all hate Kris (well, I know I do, especially now). And this other, perfect guy has been hitting on Skye. We want her to date him. And she does too, because Kris is an ass, and David is a nice guy. She didn't want to, though, because Kris doesn't have any friends, and she's worried about him.

It's pretty obvious why Kris has no friends. He's a country farm boy conservative in the midst of a swarm of radical liberals. He just stays quiet, and the only one he talks to is Skye. The one time he said something to me, it was very negative. Come to find out, yesterday, Skye tells me that Kris said he had no respect for me, because I'm a slut. And that I talk about it. He blamed Skye for me talking about it, because he says that if Skye didn't want to hear it, I wouldn't say it. I like talking about my life. It's not meant to be conceited or wallowing in pity or anything, but... My life is strange, and it's like I'm telling a story most of the time, and everyone gets wrapped up in the story. It's like Mr. Belanger said- All of the entropy in the universe radiates from me. :p

Poor Skye. She should have never been forced to dump Kris, but they should have never gone out in the first place. Honestly, I feel like Kris will be the kind of husband in the future who will beat his wife for not being supersubmissive. Skye and Kris were the most mismatched couple ever. Skye was the flirtatious extrovert, Kris was the jealous introvert.

Such a vile concoction should never be made.


As far as Jordan, we've kinda grown apart. He just doesn't have the time for me. With most guys, I would find this as an excuse, but Jordan is serious. He isn't as interested in having a relationship, any relationship, as I am.

Maybe I am a slut, but I prefer to call myself an opportunist. Jordan and I had one weekend completely to ourselves, and I had only known him for a week. We had sex three times that weekend. Why? Why not! We both wanted to. We were both very attracted to each other. We were both horny. I just don't see the reason not to.

I want to say that I regret it, now that I know that we can't date, but I don't. I really wish that we could still date, but even if we can't... That weekend with him was incredible, and I've never been happier. So why should I regret happiness?

Seth and Patty are on a break. I asked Patty what exactly this meant, and she said that Seth could date, but not fuck anyone. I try to hit on Seth, and he pushes me away every time, and says that he wants to fuck a girl.

THis makes me so angry, even though I'm sure he isn't serious about the fucking part. It's just... He would date a girl, and not me. Even after he told me that he thought that I was a great guy, and that if he didn't love Patty, then he would have dated me... And that he didn't think it was fair that I could go around relationshipless while other people who didn't deserve it had one (cough Kris cough).

And Danchai and Fai... Sigh... The whole world is breaking up.

And since I haven't made an entry since Homecoming, I'll just say that it was tough, but I got through it. Elmer was on my side at least, so Landon didn't try anything. Elmer found a few minutes to apologize, and it was nice of him, but I wish he wouldn't have. I wish he just would have kept up his whole "I hate Randy" mood... It was really helping me forget that he even existed. Although I will say this, Jordan got me over Elmer real quick. Just the fact remains that Elmer is still out there, and I doubt that Landon, Elmer, and I will go the whole year without bumping into each other again.

But I can deal with it. The funny thing is that it really seemed like I was depressed at seeing Elmer and Landon at Homecoming... but the whole time I was thinking about Jordan, and wishing that he could be there with me. At that point, we had already pretty much "broken up"... So that explains my sadness that evening.

Sorry for the length of this.

This is a weird thing.

All afternoon, there have been these silly* "grandma" conversations going on in Chatterbox. "My grandmother can beat up your grandmother" type stuff.

Currently in my chatterbox window:

(Evil Catullus) my nana holds the state record for shotput.

That kind of thing.

I don't know what got the "my grandma" stuff started. I wasn't paying much attention, just sort of glancing at the box in between pretending to work.

Then it hit me.

My grandmother died exactly ten years ago, on the day before Thanksgiving.

She died of lung cancer. She went to the doctor for what they thought was pneumonia. Two weeks later she was gone. She had given up smoking about five years earlier. She always made awesome banana nut bread at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I will node the recipe when I'm at home. When we briefly lived in separate states, she would wrap the bread in tinfoil and package it carefully and mail it to us. It always seemed just as good for having been shipped.

I don't know why I didn't think about it today. I'm sure my mother did. I haven't had many deaths around me yet and it is weird to think of them as anniversaries. I guess this bugged Grandma, wherever she is, and she caused all you noders to say "grandma" over and over again till I got the hint.


* Note: "Silly" was not meant in a derogatory fashion.
19:42 GMT My dad, my smaller brother (Ted), and their foreign exchange student (Stefan) live-in stayed at my apartment last night. It was alright. I talked to my dad about my improved self-confidence and how I was trying to get my level of social maturity caught up to my age. Stefan was on my computer all night encoding MP3s and uploading them to his online storage space. So I didn't really get a chance to do much online last night. They wanted to do some shopping today and head back home.

I got a call around 10:30am telling me that I shouldn't come into work today, beacuse they're closing the office at noon for the holidays, and that's about the time I usually get there. Darn, I wanted to sit around bored all day today :) I guess I'll check into signing up for that college class and get some rest today.

We all left my apartment at the same time; I went over to FAU today and walked around a bit. I got a form that I need to fill out to take classes there. I stopped by the cafeteria and had lunch. $3.70 for a hamburger, fries, and a drink. That's not too bad. Probably a lot of calories though.

I got a few responses to one of my personal ads that I posted to a popular website. I wrote back to one of them, and also found someone interesting and wrote to them as well. I mostly wrote that I am interested in making friends and getting together for activities. I gave them a link to my website so they could get to know my interests.

I'm debating whether to go to the gym today or not. I might just go to walk for a little while. I need to go to that area at around 5pm anyway to pick up my laundry.

Maybe I could get all of this done at once.

  1. I'll go back to FAU and drop off my forms,
  2. go pick up laundry,
  3. then go to the gym,
  4. finally go back home and sleep.

Man it's going to be a boring day. I wonder what I should do for dinner tonight.


00:17 GMT

The forms include one which requires proof that I was vaccinated for measles when I was a year old. I guess I'll have to get that information from my parents, since I don't have anything like that. That sucks, I was hoping to get this process started today.

I went back to sleep for a while and woke up at about 5pm and filled out as much of the forms as I could, and went to the gym. I worked out for a little over an hour. It was actually quite busy there despite my guess that the crowd would thin out since many people would be getting ready to travel today.

I thought I saw a new chinese restaurant near my house that I would try out, but I drived up and down and didn't see it. I guess I'll try it again another day. For now, I'll have to settle for frozen food. Bah. It's probably healthier anyway...


03:47 GMT

I just discovered #everything. This might be a nice place to hang out. I had been looking around for a good IRC channel to settle into, but never even thought to try this one. Duh. It looks like the channel I've been looking for. There's about the right number of people (currently 42), so it's not too chaotic or too slow.

I hate IRC clients on Windows though. I miss my Amiga.

I haven't shaved in 5 days now. I wonder if I should continue this trend. I think I look more mature with all the fuzz on my face, but I know at some point I'm going to have to cut it short, and I don't have the tools to maintin it other than to just cut it completely. I started this because I don't usually shave on the weekend, and my arms were too sore on monday to shave, and then yesterday morning I forgot. I don't know where I'll go with this... We'll see. It feels strange to rub the back of my hand against though.


06:17 GMT

Sleep.

This morning I recovered from all of the studying and BS of yesterday. I called Ei to go out for coffee. I woke him up for the third time this month. He says whenever someone calls insanely early it is either his parents in Japan because of the time difference, or me (I don't have a reason). He really doesn't seem to mind though. There was an awkward spot: right when it seemed like my Japanese was flowing, he started to make fun of it! See, I have this problem mixing words. Sometimes I will just stick in an English word when I can't think of the correct Japanese translation. He knows what I am talking about... but... I really should do better. Sloppy. I have to keep my standards up on these things.

I was running around with my JET application stuff. So many hoops to jump through. blahblahblah. I start getting into this detailed state of mind where everything looks wrong... will they reject me because of this little ink spot on the photocopy??? Duh. Of course not, and if they do, I don't want to be in their stupid anal retentive program. These thoughts are useless and must be destroyed unless I want to become Woody Allen. One of the school administrators rushed some paper work through extra-quick because her Mum had the same last name as me. Then, I knew the guy at the photo-copy room and he offered to do all my copies free. I am becoming quite the privileged bastard.

After class I had a group meeting. They were really panicky and hyper about things. I didn't let it bother me... Cracked a couple of jokes, made fun of the Prof, got the meeting on track. All in all, things are going well. It's not getting to me. Maybe it is because, barring a drive-by-Nuke, as of this node I am an Acolyte!!!

The past week has been filled with so many emotions I can't help but sit back and marvel at it. I have cried for someone I love. I have met a girl who rekindles my faith that I might just find someone to be with this decade. I have reveled in meeting a friend for the first time and been startled by the depth of emotion I have for her.

We meandered about, ate breakfast, saw the aquarium, ate lunch, then came back to my place and dm left. After that she and I just sat on the couch and talked. And that was the best part of the day: flopped on the couch, with my head in her lap, listening to her talk and talk about the people in her life. You mean so much to me girl. I don't understand how, or why, but I don't care. I just want to make sure that you will always be a part of my life.

but yes... romping about boston with a cute and sometimes sleepy hamster bong was lots and lots of fun and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to do it again before she leaves. Along the way we saw some enormous fish, I think they were "groupers". They were soooo cool. Hamsty was smiley and funny when not about to fall over from exhaustion. I was just so damn excited about finally getting to hang with her I kept walking way to fast and getting way ahead of everyone. I thought the aquarium was nice but not as nice as cahla thinks it is.

and now... I shall fall asleep... it is tomorrow already. happy T day.

I saw a strange thing today.

I walked into McDonald's for lunch and there were 4-5 Amish guys in line in front of me! There were definately amish, they had the black conformist dress, the absence of buttons, the beards with no mustache. Yep, they were amish.

The amish guys ordered extra value meals, sat down and ate them like normal.

IIRC, amish law says that they can use modern technology as long as it is requred by their work, and it doesn't dilute the amish community, so I guess McDonalds is ok as long as you do it on the job with a bunch of other amish, but still, it was a litte weird.


Update: They were definately amish, and not orthodox jews. The event took place in Potsdam, NY which is close to a good sized amish settlement.

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