Yesterday my English teacher
winked at me.
This is why I didn't really want to be in his class at the beginning of the year. Everyone knows that I'm gay, and everyone knows that he's gay. I didn't want something like this to happen.
But now I can see it. He actually looks at me dreamily sometimes. And while it's flattering, the guy is old. If he were some 20-something year old stud, I wouldn't mind it so much (in fact, I might even wink back), but the guy must be at least 40.
I keep telling myself that it's just a wink and that it doesn't mean anything, but I know it does. The guy flirts with all of the boys in his class to get attention (it's a surprisingly effective method of teaching - he doesn't mean any of it, and everyone listens to him because of it), but he lays off me completely in public. I try to avoid getting stuck alone with him, but I know I won't be able to forever.
My friend Skye broke up with her boyfriend, Kris, yesterday.
THANK GOD! We all hate Kris (well, I know I do, especially now). And this other, perfect guy has been hitting on Skye. We want her to date him. And she does too, because Kris is an ass, and David is a nice guy. She didn't want to, though, because Kris doesn't have any friends, and she's worried about him.
It's pretty obvious why Kris has no friends. He's a country farm boy conservative in the midst of a swarm of radical liberals. He just stays quiet, and the only one he talks to is Skye. The one time he said something to me, it was very negative. Come to find out, yesterday, Skye tells me that Kris said he had no respect for me, because I'm a slut. And that I talk about it. He blamed Skye for me talking about it, because he says that if Skye didn't want to hear it, I wouldn't say it. I like talking about my life. It's not meant to be conceited or wallowing in pity or anything, but... My life is strange, and it's like I'm telling a story most of the time, and everyone gets wrapped up in the story. It's like Mr. Belanger said- All of the entropy in the universe radiates from me. :p
Poor Skye. She should have never been forced to dump Kris, but they should have never gone out in the first place. Honestly, I feel like Kris will be the kind of husband in the future who will beat his wife for not being supersubmissive. Skye and Kris were the most mismatched couple ever. Skye was the flirtatious extrovert, Kris was the jealous introvert.
Such a vile concoction should never be made.
As far as Jordan, we've kinda grown apart. He just doesn't have the time for me. With most guys, I would find this as an excuse, but Jordan is serious. He isn't as interested in having a relationship, any relationship, as I am.
Maybe I am a slut, but I prefer to call myself an opportunist. Jordan and I had one weekend completely to ourselves, and I had only known him for a week. We had sex three times that weekend. Why? Why not! We both wanted to. We were both very attracted to each other. We were both horny. I just don't see the reason not to.
I want to say that I regret it, now that I know that we can't date, but I don't. I really wish that we could still date, but even if we can't... That weekend with him was incredible, and I've never been happier. So why should I regret happiness?
Seth and Patty are on a break. I asked Patty what exactly this meant, and she said that Seth could date, but not fuck anyone. I try to hit on Seth, and he pushes me away every time, and says that he wants to fuck a girl.
THis makes me so angry, even though I'm sure he isn't serious about the fucking part. It's just... He would date a girl, and not me. Even after he told me that he thought that I was a great guy, and that if he didn't love Patty, then he would have dated me... And that he didn't think it was fair that I could go around relationshipless while other people who didn't deserve it had one (cough Kris cough).
And Danchai and Fai... Sigh... The whole world is breaking up.
And since I haven't made an entry since Homecoming, I'll just say that it was tough, but I got through it. Elmer was on my side at least, so Landon didn't try anything. Elmer found a few minutes to apologize, and it was nice of him, but I wish he wouldn't have. I wish he just would have kept up his whole "I hate Randy" mood... It was really helping me forget that he even existed. Although I will say this, Jordan got me over Elmer real quick. Just the fact remains that Elmer is still out there, and I doubt that Landon, Elmer, and I will go the whole year without bumping into each other again.
But I can deal with it. The funny thing is that it really seemed like I was depressed at seeing Elmer and Landon at Homecoming... but the whole time I was thinking about Jordan, and wishing that he could be there with me. At that point, we had already pretty much "broken up"... So that explains my sadness that evening.
Sorry for the length of this.