He's showing me around a house (his?) and I don't trust him, but I must play the game, take the tour to the end. In the kitchen I find a carving knife which I pick up secretly and carry concealed, a protection. Out in the garden we exchange small talk before parting, but our comments seem overly pregnant... he knows that I know that he knows that I know he's dangerous. It's getting dark. On my way out I leave the knife, thinking I no longer need it. Within two steps he's changed, vampire/monster/ravenous, bearing down on me with the sound of a violent wind... 

At this point I wake up with the usual adrenaline rush; my endocrine system doesn't know the difference between real threats and dreamed ones. The nightmare is still in the driver's seat and I have to wrestle it for control: I don't want to go where it's taking me. It uses my own imagination against me; the only defence is to invent an alternative scenario that will satisfy it. It has to be plausible: the nightmare won't believe misunderstandings or magical rescues or beating the monster in single combat; not without weapons. Usually I have to backtrack to the point of the mistake and undo it -- don't leave the knife, dummy. I wish whoever's in charge of the nightmare department would just let this go now.

I can't imagine how this dream formulated in my head. I was on a schoolbus, sitting somewhere near the back, and it was a mixture of kids from the schoolbus I ride home everyday (morons and such) and people I went on a field trip with in the AP English and Honors English classes on Monday. I'm sitting with Ben, and we're talking about this college we are going to. I don't know where it is we are going, but I am just as happy to be there.

When we get out, we're in downtown Brussels, Belgium (not that I have ever had a firsthand account of Brussels, but I can imagine what it would be like) and I lose Ben. I'm really upset, and then I notice he is driving in a car a few cars behind mine and so I write on this big piece of notebook paper for him to pull over and place it in my rearview mirror. Only it looks like it is on the traffic light, and there is cum on the paper and I'm trying to write over that. There is nowhere to pull over, and I start to pull over on a bridge (which looks like it is made of cobblestone, and I'm thinking we're crossing the Thames in England).

Eventually Ben pulls over, and he and I begin walking down to the college, mostly archaic ruins, a big open field and it seemed like a Picasso painting being depicted through some sort of mathematical theorem. We walked out into this flood of water and to a large object protruding out of the water, a small (incredibly small) island. He starts talking to me about his Hebrew font that he is making, and I suggest we ask one of the incumbents from the Catholic Church nearby. He says, "maybe so." We were supposed to find something while here, I don't know if it was actually a definitive object or some abstract noun like happiness, but we didn't really seem to care about searching for anything. We just stayed there. And I kissed him, and he asked me why I did that, and I said because I wanted to. And for that, he was angry at me for a brief stint of time, and I think he told me that it was weird to follow my instincts, but I can't remember that really.

We swam back inland to the edge of the college and walk up to this outdoor church and he decides to look for Hebrew inscription in the altar, which looks like a water trough. The patriarch approaches us and asks Ben if he needs anything. Ben tells him about his Hebrew font ordeal. He presents Ben with this large plate with the Hebrew alphabet engraved on it. It looks like the English alphabet only with a few accents over some of the letters. There are three of each vowel. Ben is really excited about this. In fact, he's being rather deceptive with the Patriarch and refuses to tell him his intents with this plate, not that the Patriarch is asking him.

Before we get back on the bus to leave, the guy approaches us again and gives Ben a Hebrew font on disk. I ask Ben why he needs to make a font now, if there is already an official font, and he doesn't answer me. I get on the bus and I'm sitting down, and I notice Ben is at the front of the bus with Debra and Heather. I'm trying to flag him down, as I'm rather bored back here by myself, and someone comes up to me and I think it's Ben, but instead it's some boy, Matt. So Matt, as a boy who hates me in my conscious life, is trying to console me in my time of "anguish" because Ben is way up there at the front and he doesn't care that I'm flagging him down. In fact, Ben is drunk. Or so he looks it. There is a second level of the bus and at some point, he, Heather, and Debra walk around the perimeter of the bus and to the other side and I see Ben for a brief second and ask him if they're going to sing karaoke. Ben ignores me again. I'm rather upset.

I'm beginning to think that he is in no way aware of what is going on, and that he really is extremely inebriated and the only reason he's up there with them is because they're pulling him around. He stands up there, and a boy claiming to be a real "goth" at my school (one of those irritating kids that wear Slip Knot shirts and dye their hair) is holding Ben's head and performing Wiccan rituals. He says that he can make Ben tell the truth in any situation. When I pull up the small fold of cloth over his hand, I see that there is a plastic syringe with truth serum in it. At this point, I can't see anything. I can just hear some of the things Ben is saying and they're making me cry. And I tell everyone I'm not going to listen.. I close my ears, and the dream ends.

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