The editor awoke before noon. He fed his cat some food. He took a shirt from the ancient closet and he . . . walked on DOWN the hall . . .

  • awful green things from outer space by Mars the Infomage (fled): "Hey look, it's Al Gore coming back from his very first space flight!" Look, I don't care what they told you on TV: Saying the name of somebody famous doesn't turn any arbitrary sentence into a joke. I'm sorry. It just doesn't work that way. You need a secret special ingredient, known as "wit".

  • What is a Node dammit by 867-5309 (fled): A brief howl of anguish from a tormented soul not long for this website, to wit:

    "Why so short? Where the hell am I and what is a Node? Is that better? I don't mean to sound ignorant but I am. At least about this website. Consider this write up an experiment so to speak to see If anyone is out there that can explain where the hell I am right now and what I'm doing here. 867-5309"

    Just as a general rule, if you don't know what the hell you're doing here, neither does anybody else. We've got enough to contend with just working out what we're doing here.

  • wanking by madjiik (fled): "Some men like to shoot holes in the ground with their dicks while wanking. Its how the Eclestites escaped from Cake!" Uh, Beavis?

  • prat-farm-pretparlour sced goat trip tipper in hex land of ozzedle glory pipes of fuse and great min and mining ore of frozen molax an hand gristle by madjiik (fled): Okay, just for starters, there's no 'e' in "cardigan". Nary a one. For finishers, the entire writeup is gibberish. Sometimes I'm saddened by the fact that the kill-confirm dialog has only "OK" and "Cancel" buttons, when "Fuckin'-A Right!" is what I'm really looking for. This was one of those times.

  • i dont like by madjiik: A list of things that he doesn't like, or wouldn't like if they existed. He's got a point about French tobacco, but on the whole it's a dismal waste of bandwidth.

  • adequately internalized by madjiik: He's upset about something involving music and commercialism, but I'm damned if I can say exactly what it is. As for how it relates to the title, I'm stumped. This often happens to people who can't write very well: They try too hard and it all goes to pieces. Just say it, okay? Don't get all poetic, because it'll turn into gibberish. Don't try to use all those big long words, because you don't know what they mean. Just sit down and say it.

  • abstract by madjiik: . . . and when they write that arglebargle, they call it "abstract" when they mean "unintelligible".

  • teeth by madjiik: "If your teeth bite a light bulb, you will spill the blood. Bits of blood can often be found layering floors of factories, due to the need for pain." Okay: First, there's nothing there about teeth. Second, there's nothing else, either.

  • teeth by the well-named bs (fled): "Plural of tooth. a Mouth is full of teeth." That's the kind of thing Santayana used to say.

  • teeth by Captain Teeth: "Chomp, chomp, chomp! That's what teeth are good for. That and self-reference. Teeth means teeth, and anyone who sez otherwise can bite me." So true.

  • existance by radu (fled): Mediocre definition, misspelled title. There's another writeup in the node, from a sensible and still-active noder who observes that it's misspelled. I asked him to do a nuke request so we can get rid of the whole abomination.

madjiik did say one very simple, clear, and true thing: "Parasites always think they're right!" I let that one live, even though it happened to apply to the author.

Noders Lacking Writeups: 867-5309