Phish Tickets

  • We arrive at the Phish concert, quite a bit early so we can buy tickets and check out some of the parking lot action. It's me and my SO, and we come upon a jacuzzi place with demos of various models. We hop in and try out each of them along with two ladies. When we get to the end of the line, the manager offers us a free coupon for their spa resort. He says, "step right through the teleportation device and you'll be there." We walk through a Stargate-type portal and arrive. I immediately fall into the large pool-sized spa. I notice there are a lot of kids here. I get hit in the head with a ball. I get out to explore and see my SO brutally scolding some tiny kid. I wince and walk on to the swing set where I meet my next dream companion. He is about 12 years old and he's a complete brat. But he amuses me for some reason and I like him. I tell him I'm going to the Phish concert and he asks to come along. I say sure just as a small explosion sounds in the distance.

    Someone blew up the teleportation machine and the portal is collapsing. Oh no, my Phish tickets! I could be a thousand miles away right now... The kid and I run to the shrinking wormhole and dive through in the nick of time. We appear two hundred feet in the air above the parking lot (which greatly resembles the wilderness property of my friend, August). We fly down easily to the ground. All the dread locks turn to wonder at us, then go back to smoking herb. We walk to the ticket counter where I offer my VISA card. She says they only take cash, then offers me her own ATM card (with a Grateful Dead skull on it) and PIN number to get the cash. OK. We go to an ATM and I hand the card to the kid. He proceeds to empty her account and returns to me with $4800. I'm a little flabbergasted and resolve to just return the money to her and explain that the kid didn't know what he was doing. I want to see Phish, goddamnit! As we walk back I look at the $1000 bill and see it has a pegasus drawn on it sideways. At the ticket booth, I hand her the ATM card and fifty bucks for the tickets. She hands me the neon green slips. Dream ends.