We had this habit of staying up late on sunday nights to watch the George Michael Sports Machine, and when it was over at 2am, we'd head to this place called the Cabaret for Lots of coffee and omlettes the size of a VW Beetle.

As you could guess, by the time we got back to the dorm we were in no mood for sleeping.

Normally we'd just wander into one of the rooms with late-night kiddies in it and chat and drink crappy beer and so on, but one night I realised the following:

  • All of the doors for the rooms opened inward
  • All of the doors for the dorm rooms faced each other
  • Ray had a nice stout 20' length of rope in his room
  • Being a theatre major at the time, I knew how to tie really good knots
So we try this out on a few doors but the thing is, the rope was synthetic and a littlestretchy and you couldn't get it tight enough to prevent the person you were tying in from opening their door a little and cutting the rope (now leaving us with only a 14' length of rope)

We then realized that Kelly, who was quite bitchy, lived across from a study room.


  • Tie the knobs together
  • Open the study room door so the rope was stretched
  • Wedge a fuckload of textbooks in the gap of the open door

By this time, it was around 6.30am and we waited for her to get up shortly to try to go take a shower and enjoy the ensuing chaotic hilarity.

What we didn't know was that the RAs had just had a meeting and the Hall Director was roaming the halls with her assistant and saw our little construction project. She immediately starts pounding on Kelly's door yelling at her for committing such an unsafe and stupid act.

We, being punch-drunk from lack of sleep can no longer hold our laughter and the jig is up!

Hall director and assistant come in to bitch us out, and not two seconds later Kelly bursts in and calls us "fucking assholes" along with a few other choice words in a seemingly 10 minute long tirade.

The directors see punishment meeted out, stifle their own laughter, take away the toaster oven in the room were hiding out in, and that was that.

I didn't say it was a good story.