Women don't like to divulge secrets about how they test, rate, rank, and qualify men in their lives. Most girls I know are subtle and strange, and I can't say I understand how their systems work. So I will only share with you the questions me and my close friends use to test men.

If you were a character in Star Wars, who would you be?

This one you have to be careful with - many guys will pick who they want to be, but the aswer has to reflect who you really are. 'Which Star Wars character are you most similar to' should be the wording, really, but we're dense. This is a great question because there really is no wrong answer, as every character has his or her own good qualities, except C3P0. There is no right answer either - each of my friends and I have our own preferences. My personal favourites are Admiral Akbar, R2D2, and Boba Fett. The real test of this question is how well you can qualify your answer. It serves to prove how deluded you are about your own personality.

Who is your favourite Simpsons character?

A loaded question, as there are many answers we consider sub-par. Tests a persons observational skills, and ability to appreciate nuances. A genuine appreciation of a minor, obscure character scores major points. Ralph Wiggum and Groundkeeper Willie are pretty sad answers.

Do you love your mother?

I find this question creepy, but my friend swears by it. I don't believe it necessarily matters what the answer is. It just serves to test a guys level of comfort discussing personal things.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there's tonnes more. Frankly, it's safe to think every question every woman has ever asked you has been a test of one sort or another. Keep on your toes, boys.

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