I had a thought today. (wild cheers.) You know when you're watching a film and someone says something really, really corny and you think to yourself: "My god! I'm watching a corny film!"? Well, what if this corny line was deliberately crafted to demonstrate the particular characteristics of the character at hand? What if the corny line was recognised as a corny line, and was put in the script to show the shallowness/corniness/falseness of a character? What if every corny line was a subtle touch which depended on the intelligence of the viewer to understand the significance? If so, then I've really been a bad, bad, movie-goer.

I had a thought today. (wild cheers.) What if those pictures of Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz making out, which were published in the tabloids and might well have been the cause of Tom & Nicole's split, what if those were just pictures taken by a reporter who snuck onto the set of Vanilla Sky while it was still being filmed? What if the pictures which revealed Tom Cruise to be a two-timing cheat were really just pictures if him acting out a scene in a professional manner? What if Nicole saw those photos and refused to believe Tom's lame excuses that they were just photos of a scene being acted out? What if Nicole went to see Vanilla Sky and it suddenly hit her that Tom was telling the truth?

Old age homes. Hmm. It seems everyone in there falls under one of these categories:

The Deceived. Those who are still with it, still their normal selves apart from the increase in depression. Five years ago, they were in their hometown, surrounded by their friends and their community, playing chess in the park with a lifelong pal, waiting quite comfortably for whatever may happen. Then, somehow, one of their children who lives on the other side of the country arrogantly decides that they should be telling their parents what's what, and tells them to move away from their home of 90 years and move into an old age home across the United States of America in a town where they know no one but their family so they can be properly looked after and be with the family . The promises of frequent visits simply melts the heart, so away they move. And it doesn't take long to realise that they made a terrible mistake, and have now commited themselves to an old age home until....well, until. Wondering, day after day, "When will they visit me again? Next week, maybe? No, they're so busy..." And the worst part is, there's a lot of these. So many of them talk about how they were told that they would be visited twice a week, every week, if only they'd sell their house and most of their possessions and leave all their friends behind.

The pay-per-viewers. Those who have my full sympathy. Those who watch the pay-per-view channel advertisements, over and over and over again, day after day, not realising that they're watching the same 15 minute long recording every single time. When one meets a pay-per-viewer, they understand that old age may take the soul out of us. At least this type doesn't get depressed about being old...

The children. Those who have the maturity of an eight year old. These usually have different personalities for different situations, sometimes offering themselves up for normal conversation, and at other times wishing to make you feel guilty for spending too much time taking care of the next elderly man along, and not enough time talking to her. "Don't you worry. I know you don't like me! Don't waste your time talking to a silly old bat like me! I'm nothing but a bag of wheat to you aren't I! Well that's fine! Talk to him for all I care. Go on! You can do what you like!"

"Things they do look awful c-cold (Talkin bout my generation)..............."