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- "God" billboards
- A preview of a movie you had already seen
- Around nine PM my heart was breaking so I went to bed early to listen to it happen.
- By my balls, I do swear.
- Felching: How to do it and why you shouldn't
- Hard Rain
- Highly symbolic childhood experiences
- How to avoid people whom you don't like talking to
- I dedicate all my love to your hot inner beauty
- I drove my fish to suicide (thing)
- I felt a disturbance in the fun, as if a million playgrounds cried out, and then
- I had a party, you were not invited, here are the pictures
- I remember
- I will take one ticket please to whatever you have to say please keep talking
- Insulting softlinks
- Life is half over at age 10
- Methods of Interrogation
- My first smart ass comment
- Not pulling a Graduate
- One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!
- September 14, 2002
- So this one-legged man walks into a bar
- Stupid things to do in a strip club
- Super Mario Brothers: A Literary Criticism
- The beauty of useless things
- The funniest joke in the world
- The sad thing is, if you get her you'll be sick of her in a year
- The sex life of an electron
- Things my corporate job does to scare the hell outa me
- Things that a fetus would say if it could speak
- Things to do to salvage a shitty day
- This sentence is in Spanish while you're not looking
- Unbreakable
- Watching my mother die
- Weird sex with strange people
- What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about
- What the Institute for Motivational Development had to say about me
- What to do if you've got too many votes on your hands
- When not to break up with your girlfriend
- When the principal laughs so hard he can't suspend you
- When you're a quarterback, you should not screw with the minds of your linemen
- Yesterday I kissed the girl I love
- Your website makes me want to remove my brain with a rusty spoon