i have imbibed wine. i have inhaled the smoke of burnt cannabis. forgive my typing.

i just got off the phone with my boyfriend. i really am quite lucky to have someone who really loves me. i am even luckier that he constantly tells me with both words and actions. perhaps my relationship preferences are different than other girls, but if i had to give advice to the men about the ladies i'd say "TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU FEEL IT EVEN IF IT SOUNDS CORNY OR SILLY". then, as a side note i'd say "hold her hand in public if and when you feel like it".

my usual food list will have to wait, since i haven't had any food yet today. shit, it's barely today, since it's only 12:37AM, EST.

i'll be heading to bed soon. i may smoke some salvia beforehand to help me relax and shut my eyes. more in the morning when it seems more like today (tomorrow?).

well. i feel kinda poopy this morning, no doubt from the wine last night. i woke up late, bought a crappy breakfast (included in the list below) and just arrived at work to see the stocks i watch down.

the cool thing is this though: when i got into work a poster had been delivered to me. it's a poster of ME. and it's elite. that's all i can say about that for now.


1 mild jamaican meat patty
1 large glass orange juice
several cups of coffee with cream
some trolli-O sour apple candy
sausage and peppers

i was reading some fight club quotes. one of them caught my eye:

"How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?"

i've been in a fight. one big one. and i lost it bad. my family still mentions it a lot and seem to be amazed that i got through the situation. having happened to me, it now seems mundane.

i take martial arts. and i'm good. it's a skill that i am trying to perfect. sometimes i find myself hoping that someone tries to bother me so that i can put my skills to real life use. the one big fight i was in, i wound up pinned to the floor. he was sitting on my chest and relentlessly pummeling my face. i remember being amazed at how much it hurt but that i hadn't passed out. i know firsthand what being on bottom feels like and now i am curious about how it feels to be on top.

and i don't mean fighting in competitions. i've done that. i'm good at that. but that's sport. there's no real fear involved there. we fight for points, not self-preservation.

anyway, i probably sound like a maniac about now. but that was just the train of thought i followed. i'm not going to go out and jump someone. that goes against everything i've been taught. i'm just curious to see how i would handle myself.

and werd to you Asamoth.