a lack of eventful events

Despite going to sleep around five last night, I managed to raise from the land of hypnos at eleven or so. The boys had decided to stay home from the beach, probably due to James' fever. Mario had dropped by in the morning. Relatively quiet, one of my brothers' friends I don't mind. It's a nice day - shining sun, a bit of wind and not too hot. Dad went for a jog and I declined to join him. I know he was upset at it, but I find it hard to run without the proper shoes and my current pair is falling apart. I hope I can find my running shoes soon.

weak mortal

That and my chest still twinges. Looking at the wound from August 8, 2000. It's almost as if I can see a rift in the flesh where they cut it apart and the two parts have failed to come together. It's going to scar pretty bad, I just know it. The stitches are ugly, the surrounding flesh is still red, the edges are flaking with scabs and crust. Not to be disgusting, but I wish my body wasn't like this. My mom's left with Nathan and she'll drop by home before I go. She's really upset at me leaving, almost moreso than the first year, and concerned about it. I wouldn't want it any other way, but it's still uncomfortable. Just a bowl of Kix for breakfast - I seem to be fasting lately. Oh, and the right navel piercing's been bleeding from the bottom hole. I was so pleased about the decrease in redness of the upper hole, and then I had to clean the crust from the lower part... The left one's had no problems, why can't it heal perfectly as well? I think I should start cleaning it with saline solution and cotton swabs again - I had hoped it would have settled down by now, and it had. I wonder what irritated it?

last minute enjoyments

After a fair amount of struggle over control of the sole modem and laptop, I ended up playing a game of Pain with James, Erik and Mario. I had to remember the rules, but after that arduous task was finished it was really enjoyable. After a while they ran out to get greasy Pizza and I played two games of Magic with David. I got him to promise not to reveal unpleasant rules on me in the heat of battle, a large complaint last time I played. He beat me badly the first time and then gave it up to Erik when he got bored on the second. I rarely get such an opportunity to play with my brothers in a pleasant way. Of course it'd happen the last day I'll see them for a while - I think that's why I did so. I beat Erik badly if a little underhandedly. I mightof drawn a few extra cards, and I certainly didn't tell him how to use his forces properly, but I think my pride was smarting. Not the best excuse for being immoral, but I'll deal. The pizza was greasy if edible. The reheated Indian food I had earlier was much better. The homemade cheese was okay, but the peas - each one burst with the taste of reheated food. Delicious, much better than when fresh. We played hearts for several rounds and got interrupted by the TV. The kids got entirely too much enjoyment out of Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke. I really hope they're not doing that behind our parents' backs, especially at this age. Soon I took off with my dad, leaving the kids in charge until my mom arrived. Hopefully they haven't burnt the house down.

return to la

We picked up Balboa Bars with James and Mario before leaving the island. My first of the trip - fasting isn't always bad. The trip back was short, no traffic, and full of intelligent conversation about politics. As usual, I played the anarchist, my dad played The Man, even though neither of us fit those roles. It was better than his "We're concerned about you" talk which I've heard before. I know they love me, it's one of the few purely positive things in my life, but I can't accept the way he tries to approach me sometimes. It's not just procrastination or lack of ambition, but I can't tell him that. He said I was one of the smartest people he's known - a real shocker. Sigh. We got home, dropped luggage and dealt with cat shit. My mother dropped by a few hours later. She was concerned, she was sad, and there was tearful hugs and goodbyes. She even offered the choice to not go back to college if I felt I shouldn't, saying not everyone fits into the traditional scheme of things. I can't think of a better way to show support. I know they care for me, only want the best for me - if they didn't I wouldn't be here in the first place. I find it uncomfortable but necessary. She's going to call everyday from the vacation house until I take off.

prayer for existence

I hope I can survive.