A long time ago I got really scared by something that wasn't there and now I have a funny feeling it might be coming back again. It is like a sound you can't hear and it can buzz in your ear and tickle your brain but it still isn't really there or at least that is what the doctors will tell you. They once put me on medication because of it and now I don't tell anyone about it but I can tell my friends here on Everything2 because I am pretty sure you won't turn me in.

I never condoned the use of illegal drugs because I know I have my own weaknesses. I am socially awkward and if I'm in a talky mood I get funny looks and laughs where they are laughing at me and not with me. If I am quiet then I might miss an opportunity. When I was younger I was a very quiet person because as a kid my father was always telling me "shut up or you'll make an ass of yourself." I don't think parents realize sometimes what they are doing to their children even in the 1950s when some people think everything was just great with no problems. We were getting under our desks because of nuclear bomb scares. It was not great at least that part.

I try to make friends with people when I write letters to them because that way I can hide afterwards and when they write back even if they do write back then I can leave the envelope on a chair for hours and just stare at it coming back from time to time to look at it and say maybe now I will open it. Usually it takes a while because there is too much rejection in so many of the words. Then there was email and that was electronic and so you culd delete it without even opening it and without it being it the trash can looking at you. Now there is this Everything2 and other places I'm sure that have similar things and you get the great feeling of writing something for others and I've done some work on writeups here people seem to like but sometimes I can't concentrate enough but I like these "daylogs" because then I can just share myself and feel like maybe someone is listening and some of you are because you tell me so and you are very nice. Some of you are really funny hear too and you make me feel younger with all the young people and no on discriminates much here almost like a blueprint for utopia but not perfect like utopia more like a animated utopia movie where there is a dog that chews the wires and wrecks things for a moment but the people are strong and they can stand up and fight to get it back. You have something pretty good here both for good information on subjects and for people who need a way to express themselves. There are some really good writers here and I am not one of them because I've never been a writer except contracts and now I'm trying a little bit. I even got my first (and second) Cools this week and that was funny because it surprised me and made me smile a little bit even when I wasn't having the best day.

We have a planet here and some of the planet we're on it pretty messed up but we have things to do and I believe one day we'll go on to have eternal life and see what its all about. You people make me smile even though I shouldn't smile too much on account of that bad tooth that shows when I smile. No one will care I tell myself. You people have made me laugh also and that is good so maybe I'll stay and work on writeup pages about my favorite actors, comedians, movies, films and books. Some you might not know as much about so maybe you'll like to know more. I even talked to a guy who made me want to visit Norway here and I never even thought about going to Norway although my friend Lars mentioned it once but we don't talk much anymore since I made a pass at his wife when I was drunk (not so much drunk as just having had a few two many Miller Lites) and he was watching football. I like the Baltimore Ravens but I liked it better when there was the Baltimore Colts. I hope Johnny Unitas goes to heaven. God needs some quarterbacks.