In a sleeping state early this morning I found that I only had the one person on my mind. Do I have a good reason? No.
There should be no problem here, but due to my lack of coherent
thinking, a problem remains.
It's not a romantic
thing, because there is no romance (or even interest in it).
It's not a friendship
thing, because friendships are not supposed to be complicated.
I spent hours this week just pondering over what everything meant. I got all of the little things that she did to me over a period of three days and developed a conclusion as to how she was thinking about me.
Dialogue in a rare (we never annoy each other) confrontation:
Me: "Sorry again, but is it anything I've done? I feel like I've wronged you for some reason."
Her: "No, no. In fact, this has nothing to do with you at all."
Me "Then you have no excuse for doing this to me."
Ironically, the only question I had after that was "what did I
do to deserve this
I have quite a few solutions to an unanswerable problem.
She tells me I make it worse by comforting her, and she doesn't need that. I can't help but do it, she looks like she is in pain.
All I have to do is wait for her to come to me. But why should I hang on someone else's leisure?
And besides, something like this shouldn't break my heart like it has. But shouldn't a good friend realise she is hurting me?
I think my problem is that I am in too deep
. I expect way too much of our friendship.
I am coming to the conclusion that Male/female friendships can be complicated sometimes (if only for one party; me
I, like I always do, am overlooking the good things.
She just gives me bits of her food. For nothing. It is nice to know that I have someone that makes me want to smile.
It is horrible to think that after this long
, she is getting tired of my shit.
It is hard to believe that one week ago to the day, she had made me the happiest person in the world.
I have gone through so much pain about this the past week, I can't put past events in to a chronological order... it is honestly like one big nightmare
. And I am still fretting about it.