1. Put mayonnaise on it. Eww.
  2. Drop it on the floor.
  3. Pick it up from the floor.
  4. Put nothing in it.
  5. Put nothing but mayonnaise in it.
  6. Use too much salami.
  7. Especially very flavorful salami.
  8. Or bologna. Too much of that is bad, as well.
  9. Forget to put toothpicks through it so that it falls apart when picked up.
  10. Hit it with some sort of hard, blunt object.
  11. Vinegar
  12. Twirl it around above your head on a string, then throw it 15 feet in the air.