I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked into my eyes, into my face and saw nothing. My eyes had lost their shine, they were a dull shade of hazel, almost like dirt. They looked dry, maybe that's why I never cried when someone near me died. Maybe I lost myself, maybe I had truly died inside. My spirit was more than just broken, life threw me off a never-ending cliff until not even gravity could pull my soul any longer.

I want to call it apathy, but it seems so much worse. Life has become a miserable recurring episode of deja vu, like nothing ever changed. Life didn't even seem to matter anymore. I almost wished something would happen, just so I could see that I still cared about something, that something still mattered. I was a broken human, a soul that was continually drifting away from myself.

Walking down the street the whole world seemed gray and drab. The rest of the world seemed just as lifeless as I felt. I was numb, every step I took I felt like I was dying all over again. People walking by looked like cardboard figures, like automatons. I couldn't have smiled if I wanted to. I honestly wished I had the initiative to just die. To jump in front of a bus or even have the luck to be hit by a stray drive-by bullet.

Something I never expected to happen did soon after. Walking down the street one of my wishes would come true; a drunk driver swerved onto the sidewalk and ran me down, putting me through severe physical pain, but I felt something! My left leg was shattered, but I had actually, for once actually gave a shit about what happened! I writhed on the ground in agony until I passed out, maybe it does matter what happens to me.

Waking up in the hospital with my leg in a plaster cast I looked around the room. The room was completely white but it was a bright color of white, I felt like I could go blind if I looked at the same place for long enough. Maybe all I needed was a reason to worry, maybe all I needed was a wakeup from my sickening, gray world. I laid back in my bed and relaxed again for the first time in what felt waking up tomorrow was worth the effort.