Helpful Suggestions For Moms Around The World On This Topic From Your Sons

  • If you discover one of these items, please do not hold it aloft in the same room as your son and all his friends and screech "What the hell is THIS?" You'll know what it is by the time the second syllable has left your mouth ... or by the raucous laughter directed at your son.

  • If you discover that all your washrags have gone missing (or your Kleenex budget has gone orbital), please don't invade the privacy of your son's bedroom. If you know enough to look there for the things, then you know what he's using them for. Chances are you'll not only find your rags, but also your son's porno collection, or perhaps even underclothes you know aren't his. You have been warned. If you don't want to know these things, don't go looking for them.

  • If this topic requires a discussion about religion, perhaps it would be best if your priest or rabbi or deacon or whatever were there, especially if you're convinced your son will burn in hell for succumbing to pleasures of the flesh. A religious leader present at such a discussion can help make sure cooler heads will prevail.

  • If you've never found one of these items, nor desire to, why not suggest to your son that he begin to do his own laundry, and casually drop a hint that you understand that by making this suggestion, he'll have his privacy, and you'll have clean towels.

  • Single mothers: Boys are usually embarrassed talking about things like this ... especially to females. Especially to you. This is not meant to imply that you are a bad parent, nor is it meant to say that your son's keeping secrets from you. It does mean that maybe you should speak with a male friend or relative about the topic, uh, at hand before you confront your son. They'll probably have an amusing (and embarrassing, possibly even damaging) story to tell you. Let their experiences help you in deciding how best to deal with this thorny subject.

  • And remember, collective Moms. You'll always be number one in our collective hearts ... and we don't mean that in a kinky way, either.