Sometimes masturbation can be your best friend. For instance say you're a lonely teenager who's never had a girlfriend and will probably spend the rest of his life alone, except for his 8 cats: Betsy, Bootsie, Pinky, Wonk, Totter, Yolanda, Danny, and Spot.... but I digress. Other times, however, masturbation can be your worst enemy. These are stories of people who let their fetishes go too far.


Auto-erotic asphyxiation (asphyxiophilia) accounts for 250 to 1000 deaths per year in the United States. Though cases have been reported of people from 11-75 years old, the most common practitioners are 12-25 years. It's almost exclusively a male kink; few female cases have been reported. According to one study, during asphyxiation, 51% of people engage in sexual bondage, 12% in sexual masochism, 9% in fetishism, and only 4% in transvestitism. The practice has been described in medical literature for over 100 years, in fact, in Victorian England there was a "Hanged Men's Club" in London that specialized in getting its members off through strangulation.

One morning, a security guard walked through a warehouse in New Orleans, looking to relieve the nightshift guard. After looking around for a while, he stumbled on the 34-year-old man, wrapped in clear plastic from head to toe, save a snorkel protruding out the top. Closer examination by the coroner revealed a a truly sorry tale. The man was completely naked, with semen on his thigh and right hand. In his left was a knife, which he had vainly used to free himself from this "cocoon" after the snorkel slipped off. By the way, they searched his car, where he apparently lived, and found several articles of female clothing.

When a woman was found dead in her bathroom with rope around her neck and hands, the police didn't know what to make of it. No forced entry, her boyfriend passed a lie detector test, and her hands weren't actually tied together. Interestingly, though, a metal bolt was found under her buttocks. Careful investigation suggested that she was masturbating with the bolt while strangulating herself with the rope. She probably fell unconscious, banging her head against the bathtub, and died, suffocating on her own vomit.

These chilling tales reveals a man and a woman who let their love of almost suffocating as they orgasmed go much too far. The amount of plastic the man used was inches deep. There are many such tales, but we have much ground to cover, so we shall continue.

Vacuum Cleaners

Now, some other males in our audience may have looked at a vacuum cleaner and thought: Hmmm... I wonder. After all, if having your penis sucked is great, then think of just how hard a vacuum cleaner sucks? Wouldn't that be magnitudes better? Well, one would think so. Until one takes a look at these stories. Seemingly, it's not so much the sucking you should watch out for, but the unfortunate tendency to remove the hoses and stick your penis directly inside where the fan blades and other equipment lie. However, cases of "degloving", or having all the skin of the penis ripped clean off, have been noted.

A neighbor was concerned to hear the vacuum cleaner running continuously for a long time, so she went next door to see what was up. There, she found her 57 year-old neighbor dead, slumped over the dining room table in a compromising position. His legs and buttocks were wrapped in pantyhose and he had a table leg up his ass. Turns out, he had a heart attack, more from the excitement of the moment than due to malfunction of the vacuum. Upon questioning, his wife admitted having caught him once before in congress with the vacuum cleaner. She also admitted not having had sex with him for the past five years.

Drunk off his ass, one unfortunate Hoosier found his vacuum cleaner a bit too appealing. He inserted his manhood into the hose and turned on the machine, which sucked him far enough inside to get intimate attention from the machine's belt, rug-beater, and brushes. After the loss of a huge amount of blood and about two hundred stitches full function was restored, though, as the surgeon put it, "the structure was not a thing of beauty.

Asphyxiation and Vacuum Cleaners remain two of the most dangerous things one can do while masturbating. One should always think carefully about what one attempts to do while masturbating, because one never knows when it can go terribly, terribly wrong.

Much thanks to for providing the research and stories. One should go there for *shudder* pictures.

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