It was almost
seven years ago. And only a short period of time when we were together, but yet,
sometimes, something rips the
wound open again, and all that pain comes rushing back. It's
usually not something very important that brings the feelings back, and I forget what did it, but I'll
never forget that time...
I was helping out the student activities board that night. I had just arrived back at college, and my
friend ran the board, so I was happy to help him set up the sound system, and take it down after
the event for the freshmen.
We were sitting nearby, talking and joking, a few of us, not even paying attention to whatever
they were telling those freshmen. As things were letting out, I saw another friend of mine. He
introduced us to a friend back from his hometown.
It hit me immediately as my heart fluttered and skipped a beat. I can't say what it was that caused
this reaction, as there wasn't anything that seemed exceptional - except that it was to me.
I couldn't seem to shake that face from my mind for the next couple weeks, even though I didn't
see it again. But fate always likes to tease you. My group of friends finally added a new person,
and when I saw who it was, it was if I had been blessed.
I didn't waste any time in starting conversation, though trying to keep it just friendly at first.
There's nothing worse than scaring someone off by trying too hard. So I made sure to avoid any
obvious special treatment, trying to act as if it's just another friendship. But I couldn't help being
preferential, doing just a little more than I would to other friends, being just a touch nicer, flirting
just a little more than I normally do.
It was incredible. I had a very high expectation of the personality to go with that appearance, a
personality which turned out to be even better than I could ever have hoped. An incredibly kind
heart, a smile for everyone, a childish innocence and sillyness that fit me so well.
It was clear I wasn't the only one thinking about it. It didn't take all that long, and finally, at the
right moment, there was that first kiss. It wasn't like other first kisses, hesitant, fumbling, nervous.
Yes, I was nervous, as every part of me yearned for this. The beauty of the kiss reflects the person being kissed... and I was changed at that moment...
For the next week, I was an entirely different person. I could feel myself glowing, blushing, with a
happiness that couldn't be found in the tropical breeze on an island beach, or the smell of a field
of wildflowers. I was in love.
But it only lasted a week. The next week, I could feel the drawing away, the step back. I could feel
myself withering, turning brown. I knew it was coming, yet I denied it, having been a place that I
didn't feel I could leave.
Those words... "I'm not ready for a relationship"... a poison arrow into the heart. The world
crumbling around me. Not even sure if I could go on.
But that wasn't bad enough.
A short time later, I saw something that made it ten times worse. The one who had sent me flying
through the skies, holding hands, kissing, someone else. One of my friends.
That day, my heart was ripped apart with a tremendous force. One so bad, that it has not healed
after seven years. It's better, but the wound is always there, ready to be bumped by a stray
thought, and bring the pain back. You'd think someone could avoid crying over a long gone
relationship...
But I've never felt that way since, and some days, it does still hurt.
Her name was Kate.