Oh sure, you have your Ed Geins, your Ted Bundys, your Sons of Sam, your Boston Stranglers - but you may not have heard of Edmund Emil Kemper III, one of the nastiest serial killers in history. When he was 15, he murdered his grandparents, and was locked away for five years. They released him then (due to his model behaviour in not murdering any more of his grandparents, most likely), and sent him to live with his mother. A couple of years later, he killed another eight people. Including his mother. So that all worked out fine, then. He then decided to give himself up to the police, who locked him up, melted the key, threw it away, put superglue in the keyhole, and purposely lost the address of the prison.

Some hilarious Ed-facts:

  • Once buried a kitten alive, dug it up again, decapitated it and put the head on a spike. Cruelty to cats didn't end there though; when he was a young lad he killed lots of local cats and dogs. One cat had the top of its head sliced off. It went into spasms, as its brain was exposed, and then Ed stabbed it to death. Oh, he burned it too, afterwards, just in case it wasn't dead enough.
  • When asked by a reporter what he thought when he saw a pretty girl walking down the street, Kemper replied: "One side of me says, 'I'd like to talk to her, date her.' The other side of me says, 'I wonder what her head would look like on a stick.'"
  • Ed was a witty chap - when asked why he buried the heads of some victims in the backyard facing upwards to his mother's bedroom window, he joked "Well, she always wanted people to look up to her." Ha ha! What a kidder!
  • He was a religious boy, our young Eddie. In fact, his favourite church prayer was for everyone in the world to die - except him, of course.
  • "I have fantasies about mass murder - whole groups of select women I could get together in one place, get them dead, and then make mad, passionate love to their dead corpses. Taking life away from them, from a living human being, and then having possession of everything that used to be theirs - all that would be mine. Everything."
  • Kemper was constantly verbally abused by his domineering mother. So he did what any reasonable person would do - he killed her with a hammer, cut her head off, had sex with her dead body, and stuffed her larynx down the waste disposal. When the waste disposal unit jammed, the larynx flew back out into his face. "Even when she was dead, she was still bitching at me - I couldn't get her to shutup!" quipped Ed later, to a crowd of laughing police.
  • Ate many victims after killing them - once boiled parts of two women's flesh, and ate it with macaroni. "I wanted them to be a part of me - and now they are."

This is the sort of shit you just can't make up. There are some sick, sick, seriously evil people in this world. It's a dangerous place.

This started as a quick addition to the Ed Gein node, as I mistakenly thought the "head on a stick" quote came from him. When I found out who it really was, I was so amazed at the severity of Kemper's acts, I just had to bring it to a wider audience. Hope you weren't eating anything when you started reading...