I know I’ll remember his absence. I scold myself for aiming to be alone and for ending up full of this nothing and I hold my face at night when no one is around to pity me and I cry for no reason…”Tears, Idle Tears…” and sometimes they are idle.

His voice causes so many changes in me, and through him I can see myself, determine my faults and attempt to repair them. He means so much to me after so little time, and of course, I denied it until I smiled at his eyes and I melted and was lost…

When did I write it in stone
that I was meant to be alone?

I don’t remember ever doing it, but something inside me is screaming, like a red traffic signal, but all reds change green eventually, do they not?

Standing by the waterfall, I threw dog wood petals into the water and thought about their legend with Jesus, and watched them disappear as I prayed to the blueberry sky that he would come home and be the same as he had been when he left.