I am unbelievably
lazy. Seriously, I cannot believe
how
lazy I am, in
retrospect. I come back to the
Noding
Room and my
chair is gone, I
kneel on the hard
floor
and go right on typing. My
book is on the floor a few feet
away. I reach for it.
No good. I leave it. My
bed is
covered with
stuff. I
sleep on the
floor. I swallow my
gum.
I can't find a
pen, so I
scratch notes into the
paper with
a
pen cap.
But I peel my potatoes before mashing. I shower almost
twice a day. Rather than put the stupid modprobe commands
in my init files, I retype them every single time I reboot.
Every time I go out, I have to do seventeen things first
to get ready.
Today found me sleeping until 2 in the afternoon, then
attending to my various Christmas projects with something
less than enthusiasm. I felt guilty getting goosebumps from
listening to my own voice on cassette tape from three years
ago (has it been that long?) -- man, I sing good.
I'm surrounded by a pile of junk so big it's not worth
cleaning up, I have only twelve short hours to finish a ton
of stuff before heading back to my hometown for the weekend,
and E2 picked today to recapture me. I'm so broke I shouldn't
have to buy people Christmas presents, but it doesn't work
that way.
I thought we were getting robbed this afternoon, but it
turned out to be my roommate's ex-roommate busting in and
making himself thoroughly at home. This evening found me,
my roommate, the ex-roommate, and the ex-roommate's date
sitting around the table with a pizza and some sketchy
cookies. Social distortion ensued. Jeeves scored 2 humor
points, but accrued -30 in penalties for stupid statements.
Three guys and a chatty girl is cozy. The other way around
makes me nervous. I'm not sure why that is.
I feel like writing a letter to everyone I know, clearing up
all the misunderstandings. It seems like it happens to me
so often. Someone will say something, I'll miss part of it,
I'll nod and smile, and it's the wrong thing to do.
The ex-roommate heard that I was a member of a certain
choir. I nod and smile. He jests, so you carry the group? I have
no idea what he's talking about. I nod and smile. My roommate
gives me a look. All at once I see what I've done, I try to jump in and apologize, but it's
too late; they're already joking about how egotistical I
am. I didn't mean that. I swear.
Worse, I'll say something I don't mean or use the wrong phrase
or something with someone important. This severely haunts
me, but it's hard to correct. What if the other person
didn't hear you, or didn't care, or wasn't listening, or
doesn't remember it anymore? Is it worth bringing it up
again? Or will they just think I'm an idiot? Once my father
caught me in bed with the (ex-)lead singer of our band. We
didn't actually do the deed, we just cuddled and fooled
around a little bit. In the morning, he lectured me
on sexual responsibility. I replied 'yeah, I've been in bed
with x girls, and I didn't knock any of them up'. I thought
'to knock up' meant 'to have sex with'. I later found out it means
'to get someone pregnant'. That situation was so embarassing
that I don't want to bring it up ever again, but do I care
if he thinks I sleep around? Yes and no. I've never done it, not once.
And so he probably thinks my wonderful, wonderful sweetheart
of two years is a whore.
The older I get, the dumber I was...