user since
Wed Dec 12 2001 at 17:35:19 (22.6 years ago )
last seen
Sat Sep 15 2018 at 07:06:24 (5.8 years ago )
number of write-ups
238 - View IWhoSawTheFace's writeups (feed)
level / experience
23 (Grand Poobah) / 28650
C!s spent
mission drive within everything
Latent heterosexual
The Art of Slack
The School of Hard Knockers
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance. -- Gibbon
most recent writeup
The Regret that Never Ended
Send private message to IWhoSawTheFace

Game over, man.

The hover. The hold.

This Will Destroy You, "They Move on Tracks of Never-Ending Light"

On the Threshold of Liberty:

Bumout Music: When the sky is a remorseless gray, and life is full of sad.

Crank it!

Hard to Characterize. Some happy dance music. Some music you just want to sit down and watch the video.


Winner of the almost-as-highly-coveted "Award for Outstanding Excellence," which came with trophy!

mauler: I love the collection of catbox quotes on your hn. This must be the 3rd or 4th time I've come back to read them over the years...

Keyboard for blondes

A Deck of Futuroid Tarot Cards

They foretell the future, but in an ominous way.

  1. Doom robots from the year 2307
  2. Mutant mech army renegades
  3. Biohazard catastrophies
  4. Mini asteroids raining down from space
  5. Wobbly internet wonkage
  6. Scantily clad woman with a big gun
  7. Ebony hailing
  8. 7-11 selling frozen strawberry daiquiris
  9. iPods of death
  10. A feminist-endorsed Barbie doll
  11. The Star Trek Five Year Plan
  12. Frank Lloyd Wright Usonian house with gray-suited apparatchik and matching Russian fembot
  13. Scientists designing transistor circuits
  14. A Japanese liquid helium powered skateboard
  15. The molten core
  16. An F-5 tornado
  17. A child holding a scimitar
  18. A crumbling minaret
  19. An OED covered in dust and cobwebs
  20. A hi-def full color computer graphic of the Mandelbrot set
  21. A yellow Caterpiller bulldozer in the Amazon rain forest
  22. An elephant with a poacher impaled on its tusks
  23. Genetically designed perfect babies talking on cellphones
  24. Adolf Hitler saluting, as the Segway motorcade procession travels down the street, adoring fans throwing flowers and Starbucks gift cards
  25. 1950s flying disc UFOs hovering over the White House with claw arms
  26. A 1964 Ford Falcon, blue
  27. "Queen of Outer Space"
  28. A leather-bound copy of Euclid's "Elements"
  29. An Egyptian water salesman, cowering beneath a 6 story tall Robbie the Robot
  30. A graphene nanotube
  31. The Long Now clock
  32. The plaque aboard Pioneer 10 and 11 spacecraft
  33. Schrödinger's wave equation
  35. A mummified cat with glowing red eyes, re-animated by internal machinery, stalking a mouse
  36. Khufu's Horizon, floating to earth under a massive re-entry parachute
  37. The creatures who live in the molten iron at the core of the earth
  38. Aurora Borealis
  39. CERN's CMS
  40. A vial of cold bosons
  41. ununquadium (Flerovium)
  42. The Martian landscape
  43. Electron Shells for Scandium (Z = 21)
  44. Late 1940s era gas station / Car mechanic's pinup calendar
  45. The number 5
  46. Pan Am Flying Clipper
  47. Tektronix 485 oscilloscope
  48. The IBM System/360
  49. The White House president's desk. A Rubik's cube, a clicky-clack five-ball toy. Yellowed papers covered with physics equations. An ashtray full of butts. A coffee cup sitting on a desk ring of coffee. A slide rule.
  50. A Miss Universe beauty queen in a swimsuit competition with the winner's sash around her, carrying a bouquet of roses. She has a white smile, red lips, and black glossy hair. The sash has Maxwell's laws in vector form written on it
  51. Nixie Tubes! (thanx to AllSeeingEye)
  52. A small cluster of Secret Service agents, fingers to ears, crouched down, looking concerned, but not knowing what to do. Their training hadn't prepared them for this.
  53. A Maori warrior holding in his fingers a model of an icosahedron.

Chill You'll Like

  1. Ferry Corsten, Freefalling
  2. Pat Metheny, Last Train Home
  3. Sunlounger, Another Day on the Terrace
  4. Dusted, Childhood
  5. Sunlounger, Losing Again
  6. Above & Beyond, Anjunabeach
  7. Boards of Canada, Macquarie Ridge
  8. Boards of Canada, Dayvan Cowboy
  9. Washed Out, Amor Fati
  10. Chicane, No Ordinary Morning
  11. Chicane, Where Do I Start?
  12. Conjure One, Center of the Sun
  13. Dirty Vegas, Days Gone By
  14. Hooverphonic, Eden
  15. Hooverphonic, Magenta
  16. Hooverphonic, Someone
  17. Johann Johannson, The Sun's Gone Dim
  18. Roxy Music, Avalon
  19. Roxy Music, Mamouna
  20. Bryan Ferry, More Than This
  21. Bryan Ferry, Slave to Love
  22. David Holmes, 69 Police
  23. Fleet Foxes, Mykonos
  24. Benni Bennassi, Come Fly Away, featuring Channing (Soha & Adam K remix)
  25. Rodriguez Jr, satellite

Dance/Trance You'll Like

  1. Palma Solane, Tiesto
  2. Magnesia, featuring Sanne
  3. Shivers, extended remix, Armin van Buuren
  4. Radio 538: Tiesto Oct. 3, 2008 Club Life podcast #79
    I've Been Waiting, Dave Dresden, 2008 remix by Dave Dresden & DJ Lynnwood
  5. Take Me In, Deepwide
    Radio 538: Tiesto Jan. 5, 2009 Club Life podcast #92
  6. Leche, Sudha, featuring Zoe Johnston, the Thomas Schwartz remix
    (Not nearly as good as the version on the Tiesto podcast.)
    Radio 538: Tiesto Feb. 9, 2009 Club Life podcast #97
  7. Cages, Girl Nobody, Lemon8 remix
    Radio 538: Tiesto Apr. 6, 2009 Club Life podcast #105
  8. On the Run, Timo Juuti
    Radio 538: Tiesto Apr. 6, 2009 Club Life podcast #105
  9. For How Long, Riva, remix by Wippenberg Radio 538: Tiesto Sep. 14, 2009 Club Life podcast #112
  10. Vicious Circle, Julien Jabre, the John Dahlback club mix version
    (Pretty hard not to dance to this one.)
    Radio 538: Tiesto Sep. 14, 2009 Club Life podcast #113
  11. I'll Fight for You, Morgan Page, remix by Beltek This video is pretty good. but the audio is better here, with no video. Radio 538: Tiesto Sep. 14, 2009 Club Life podcast #128
  12. I Will Be Here, Tiesto, featuring SneakySound System
    Radio 538: Tiesto Sep. 14, 2009 Club Life podcast #128
  13. Your Love, Chicado
    Radio 538: Tiesto Apr. 12, 2010 Club Life podcast #158
  14. Satori Waterfall, Ohmna
    Armin van Buuren, A State of Trance, 2008
    (Thanks, Karen!)
  15. Serendipity, Benya, featuring Penny Nixon, the Midnight mix
    Armin van Buuren, A State of Trance, 2008
    (Another Karen recommendation)
  16. Push the Envelope, The Asteroids Galaxy Tour
    Will kick you in the head and make you beg for more.
  17. Hey Hey, Dennis Ferrer. I think this is the Tiesto or the Riva Star remix.
    Radio 538: Tiesto Apr. 19, 2010 Club Life podcast #159, starting at 5:05
  18. 10 in 01, Members of Mayday. Thanks to our own borntoloop for pointing this new sound out.
  19. No Reason, Alex Armes (Angger Dimas remix)
    Radio 538: Tiesto June 21, 2010 Club Life podcast #168, starting at 15:15
    (Excellent song for running up hills!)
  20. Four O'Clock In the Morning (Here We Go Again), Salem al Fakir
    Radio 538: Tiesto June 28, 2010 Club Life podcast #169, starting at 00:13
  21. Phasing, Dirty South (Tiesto remix)
    Radio 538: Tiesto June 28, 2010 Club Life podcast #169, starting at 3:45
  22. Legs Stroke Bodyshine, Deadmau5 vs Everymore mashup, (Dirty South remix)
    Radio 538: Tiesto June 28, 2010 Club Life podcast #169, starting at 13:40
  23. I'm in Love, Alex Gaudino
    Radio 538: Tiesto Jul. 19, 2010 Club Life podcast #172, starting at 00:15
  24. Sorry, Kaskade, the Dirty South remix
    Radio 538: Tiesto Jul. 19, 2010 Club Life podcast #172, starting at 05:55
  25. Minilodon, Nause
    Radio 538: Tiesto Jul. 19, 2010 Club Life podcast #172, starting at 16:00
  26. Always, Manendra & Eva Kade, the Anhken Sunset mix
    Radio 538: Tiesto Jul. 19, 2010 Club Life podcast #174, starting at 13:30
  27. What the Hell am I Doing Here?, Chicane, featuring Lemar
    Track 11 of Chicane's CD, "Giant"
  28. Wonderful Life, Hurts, the Lee Haslam remix
    Radio 538: Tiesto Oct. 11, 2010 Club Life podcast #184, starting at 44:12
  29. Let Go, Aruna with Mark Eteson, Nic Chagall remix
    Radio 538: Tiesto Nov. 20, 2010 Club Life podcast #190, starting at 42:00
  30. Strobe, DeadMau5... this version has a really nice, long, somber introduction before the HUUUUGE drop and club-style trance. If you're in a contemplative mood, this is definitely the lick you'll like. If you want to dance, there are several better club mixes of this out there. This is just the version I happen to like.
  31. Ghosts & Stuff, DeadMau5
  32. Let Go, Aruna with Mark Eteson, Nic Chagall remix
    Radio 538: Tiesto Nov. 20, 2010 Club Life podcast #190, starting at 42:00
  33. Paganini Rocks, Robortom, featuring Au Revoir Simone, (unknown remix)
    Radio 538: Tiesto Dec. 10, 2010 Club Life podcast #193, starting at 13:50
  34. Swing 2 Harmony, Perasma, (unknown remix)
    Radio 538: Tiesto Dec. 17, 2010 Club Life podcast #194, starting at 19:10
  35. Teenage Crime, Adrian Lux
  36. Unleash My Love, John De Sohn & Nick Wall, featuring Christine Skaar, (Nick Castro remix)
    Radio 538: Tiesto Jan 24, 2010 Club Life podcast #199, starting at 00:12
  37. Hayling, by FC Kahuna
  38. Ultraviolet, by Way Out West
  39. Always Loved A Film (RADIO RIP), by Underworld - played on Pete Tong's internet radio show, July 16, 2010
  40. The Formula of Fear, by Hybrid (the original Hybrid remix on their SoundSystem 01 album)
  41. Robyn, Call Your Girlfriend, the Sultan and Ned Shepherd remix, starting at 00:45
  42. 16-Bit Lolitas, Nobody Seems to Care
  43. Protoculture, Sun Gone Down, the Alex M.O.R.P.H. and Chriss Ortega remix
  44. Alive, Dirty South and Thomas Gold
  45. Levels, by Avicii (the radio edit). You may know this by the refrain, "I get a good feeling"
  46. Turn It Down, by Kaskade, with Rebecca and Fiona
  47. Breathe in Deep, Armin van Buuren, with Fiona, the Blizzard remix
  48. All Your Love, by Deekline and Wizard. DJ Icey remix on: Icey Presents 4K
  49. Nitro Party Music, Hypster, the Heren remix
  50. Sleep, Paul Oakenfold, with Tamra.
  51. Shake It Out, Florence and the Machine, the Benny Bennasi remix
  52. Unforgivable, Armin van Buuren, the First State Smooth remix (AvB edit), on Armin van Buuren's Imagine (The Remixes) CD
  53. Unforgivable, Armin van Buuren, the Stoneface and Terminal dub mix, on Armin van Buuren's Imagine (The Remixes) CD
  54. Somebody That I Used to Know, Gotye, featuring Kimbra, StanV touch
  55. Simply Blue, Peter Martin Presents Anthanasia, Original Mix
  56. Everything Matters, by Leama & Moor (Matthew DeKay remix). This song made Tiesto's In Search of Sunrise, vol. 5, one of the most listened to trance CDs ever. A monster song, esp if your speakers have good bass. The drop is unbelievable.
  57. Million Voices, by Otto Knows.
  58. Anastacia, Boom
  59. The Ting Tings, Great DJ
  60. The Ting Tings, Do It Again


Louisiana: he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.

Wisconsin: I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!

Florida: I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.

Virginia: So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?


...But His Parents Will Shame Him

Asian teen #1: He failed it.
Asian teen #2: Wait, did he fail fail, or Asian fail?
Asian teen #1: He fail failed--he got like a sixty five.
Asian teen #3: No, that's an Asian fail.
Asian teen #2: Yeah, he still passed.
--R Train

Besides Global Warming?

Dad to kids: Polar bears are actually quite dangerous... Yeah, they're like the leading cause of death in Alaska.
--Natural History Museum

Get over yourself! You've had your 15 minutes of weepytime!

Girl screaming into cell: Listen, I don't care if he broke your heart, ate half of it, and then burned the other half as you lay there dying! He's beautiful and I'm going to sleep with him!
--Park Slope

I Suppose I Could Just Hurt Their Feelings

Pretty girl #1: I swear I would make such a good spy...
Pretty girl #2: You could like, kill people?
Pretty girl #1: Well, if I could get over the killing part. All that blood...
Pretty girl #2: Yeah, blood's kind of icky...
--Natural History Museum

What a Penetrating Question.

Young woman dashing into sex toy shop: Do you have any cigarettes? Marlboro lights?
Proprietor: Uh... No.
Male customer: This isn't that kind of store!
Young woman: Ha ha, I see now, you sell dildos! But why would you want a dildo if you don't have a cigarette after?
--14th St

Even The Velveteen Rabbit Has the Rabbit's Eyes Glowing and Head Spinning Around.

Man with booming voice: Do they make books anymore that do not have vampires in them?
Woman with equally loud voice: No, they have to have vampires, werewolves, or wizards in them. That is all there is.
-- Border's

Chris? Chris Jeckyll? You sound wonderful!

Guy on cell: And if I ever fucking see that fucking bitch ass motherfucker again... Hang on, I've got a call on the other line. (pause) Yes, this is Christopher. Oh, hello! It's so nice to hear from you. How have you been?
--1st & 1st

Just When You Think Lesbian Porn Can't Get Any Better

Woman #1: Wow, those fingerless gloves are great! You look like you could get into a fistfight, but in a totally adorable way!
Woman #2: It would be the cutest, fuzziest, bluest fight ever!
--5th & 22nd

...You Should've Kept the 19-Year-Old on the Side!

50-something guy #1: I mean, I like being with her, I just feel we have nothing to talk about.
50-something guy #2: You have to admit it wasn't really the conversation you got into the relationship for.
50-something guy #1: I know. But I still wish we connected more.
50-something guy #2, suddenly exasperated and much louder: Well, then you shouldn't have left your wife for a 19-year old!
--Asphalt Green Gym

One Degree of Separation

* JohnnyGoodyear * NotFabio * Jurph * valrus * momomom * grundoon * unperson * gorgonzola * borgo * borgette * karmaflux * frankie * altusmens * yurei * paradoxmo * randombit * birdlace * Kensey * dann * pint * siobhan * indigoe * AudieMcCall * Maylith * doyle * templeton * darl * RangyJoeyHondo * slidewell * Yurei * dimview * randombit * cbustapeck * scribe * Major General Panic * Jazreel * Dermot Reilly * kohlcass * JellyfishGreen * ReiToei * Haruspex * CloudStrife * TheDeadGuy * karma debt * ccunning * mitzi * Wiccanpiper * LaggedyAnne * Sessor * Andromache01 * panamaus * enth * BrooksMarlin * QXZ * Orange Julius * Braunbeck * Lucy-S * apatrix * gwenllian * void_ptr * walter * Two Sheds * eien meru * The Custodian * methinks * originalzin * NanceMuse * lizardinlaw * Dante_Santos * cassparadox * wombat-socho * RoboQuote * Mister Chu * misterfuffle * haqiqat *

Catbox Hall of Fame
(Except my quotes. That's just good old fashioned narcissism.)

haqiqat: Essentially, just as a reaction in a subcritical mass of fissile material can be sustained by neutron bombardment from an outside source, homosexual decay in an otherwise sub-gay community can be accelerated by external bombardment of various forms of gaydiation.

kthejoker: Also, I would like to name rootbeer277, mauler, and IWhoSawTheFace as permanent collaborators.
kthejoker: So if I get hit by a bus, they take over my writeups. Like Three Men and a Baby, with less mustache.

(Flippin' SWEET! I want all his XP as well.)

kthejoker: Mediocrities of the world, I absolve you.

posmella: Obviously I have orbital deflector systems for my sea pigs

Nadir Acme: This porn is better than that porn. This other porn is even better than this porn. From this I conclude that there exist somewhere, sometime, the Perfect Porn. It is my mission to find it.

dannye: Like a sexy party or a monkey on a unicycle.

Clockmaker: Reality is what doesn't go away when you stop believing in it. Science is the description of that reality.

lawnjart: If there is a bunch of dead hookers in your yard, you're gonna wannna take down the squirrel zapper and change the setting from "hooker" to "squirrel", that should clear up your problem.
IWhoSawTheFace: Ah. That was my problem. The settings.

IWhoSawTheFace has never 2) Attended a Catholic Mass.
Evil Catullus: You're missing the kneeling, and the mumbling, and the weird smells
Montag: I get all of those from sex with EC.

Aerobe: I kept wanting to give Harry a gun
Aerobe: every time his wand locked up with Voldemort's
IWhoSawTheFace: Like Seth Green in that Austin Powers movie.
Aerobe: it's like, shit, Hermione, you're muggle-born and the smartest witch in the school
Aerobe: get that boy a glock

Posmella: Although one of my all-time favourite quotes on the matter of religion is thus: religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one. It's fine to be proud of it. If you want to play with it, go ahead. Just don't wave it around in public!

allseeingeye: No me on in the hn quotes. YOU BRING SHAME ON THIS DOJO!

alex: They sound like a pair upon whom subtle hints are wasted.

Ancientsnow: I am surprised that in the last five years I have been on E2 not a single thing has bothered me to the extent of actually pushing me to make an effort to exteriorize my refusal to conform.

Halspal: I like sam's Decaversary Interview very much but wanting to meet IWho and not me is just weird, and I think disingenuous.
Halspal: I think if it was like a puppy situation where sam was the puppy and there were two rooms in a building and IWhoSawTheFace was in one of those rooms and I was in the other and sam the puppy somehow knew who was in which room, I'm pretty sure he'd come to the room with me in it first.
Auduster: Frankly, each of you represent a different kind of creepy... I'm getting a Deliverance kinda creepy vibe from you, whereas I'm thinking of a later period Burt Reynolds movie, with aftershave and chest hair showing, for IWho.

Aerobe: I love feeling dumb, it's tingly

Aerobe: last night I dreamed I was in a Ballard short story, was able to recognize the setting and also that I was dreaming and opted to let a red corvette run over my head on a monolithic world freeway rather than continue with the dream

BaronWR: Merry Christmas, machine spirits!

sam512: Science fiction loses its shine once you realise that accurate predictions of, and solutions to, future sociological problems don't help people solve them.

(unnamed, slightly disreputable writer): And Face is the guy who makes me think he ought to be talking in an English accent, because he just has the general air of a disgraced Oxford don who was kicked out of the Ivory Tower in some horrible scandal nobody talks about BUT DAMN THAT MAKES HIM INTERESTING.

yannmartin: Can I just take a moment to tell all of you how much I love you? I'm being mushy and stupid, but I can't believe how nice you people are, and how much I've learned in the small time I've been here.

spiderjerusalem: We're not all nice, and if you call me that again Imma fuckin' glass you.

Clockmaker: Face is not a lovely lady.
Clockmaker: I'm pretty sure that even if we tarted him up real hard he wouldn't be a particularly good one.
Zephronias: Face MIGHT be a lady. You never know. This is the internet, after all.
The Custodian: I've met Face. He's not a lady. Or, if he is, he's a remarkably masculine-looking older woman, I dunno. With a pretty deep voice.
moeyz: oh please, I went to an artist studio sale today, not even in RL can you tell what sex people are anymore.....
TheDeadGuy: Face is definitely a man. Unless the Face I met was a manbot he created to throw us off the trail.
NanceMuse: Zeph, as a former neighbor of IWho, I can state he is not a woman. Not that he isn't cute...
moeyz: that's 3 votes
Zephronias is still undder the impression Face is just a very manly woman. Or a Martian.
NanceMuse: Zeph, IWho may be a Martian, but he is definitely a man.
TheDeadGuy: Face is some kind of mad scientist, so he could have built a manbot.
IWhoSawTheFace: The manbot is for when the girl's out of my league, which is most of the time. It's got great game.

IWhoSawTheFace: WANT.
IWhoSawTheFace: mad props for using "juxtaposition" and still looking that glamorous.
spiregrain: IWSTF - everyone on this site is glamorous and literate too, there's no need to go off to other sites for that.
IWhoSawTheFace: Of course. I keep forgetting.
IWhoSawTheFace: The kind of glamour you can only get here
spiregrain: we just don't a have a photographer to tell us to sit at the edge of the bed with our shoes off while we say "juxtaposition"

yannmartin: I don't understand what's happening. I still don't really get what this Occupy Wall Street stuff is all for, and I don't understand. Now it's violent all of a sudden. I'm so confused.

BookReader: I want my last words to be "Fuck you, robot."

The Custodian: XP isn't an operating system so much as it is a computational sculpture of provocative ugliness and startling fragility.

IWhoSawTheFace: Can you ask her to make you a sandwich?
heppigirl: is that code? (the sandwich bit)
gnarl: with Iwho, even if it isn't code, it's code.

Halspal: This is a time where E2 asks itself some hard questions.
Halspal: This is a dark scary time at E2
Halspal: Doofus catbox topics are killing E2.
Halspal: E2 has its head up its ass.
Halspal: This is a relatively harmonious time at E2, considering it's a post-911 world.
Halspal: E2's site-wide chi is remarkably balanced right now.
Halspal: This is a pretty exciting time at E2.
Halspal: There's a lot of love at E2 right now.
Halspal: This is a spooky time at E2 where nothing is wrong.
Halspal: I"m very conflicted now in my opinions about E2.
Halspal: Most of the time I think E2 is in the best condition it's ever been in by every measure and I still think it's a head scratcher that more people don't take advantage of it.
Halspal: This is a magical time at E2 for the six of us who are left.
Halspal: This is a sparsely attended time at E2.

The Custodian: Ahmedinejad (sp?) is clearly an apt pupil at the North Korean School of Statecraft and Diplomacy
The Custodian: He just told the UN that 9/11 was a 'mysterious accident.'
Maevwyn: "Accident"?
Chad Reasco: He's just a strict skeptic. We only know the objects in question were plane-shaped.

Myrkabah: LPM: Don't get me wrong, sex has its merits, but celibacy is waay underrated.
La petite mort: One would hope that one is so sexual appealing that men throw themselves at ones feet.
TenMinJoe: I have far to much pride to throw myself at the feet of a woman who is already happily boyfriended.
TenMinJoe: I reserve my pathetic feet-throwing-at for single women.
La petite mort does not do celibacy well.
TenMinJoe: It's come to something when women who are in happy relationships are offended merely by my failure to throw myself at their feet begging for sexual favours.
Halspal: I'm mostly numb below the waist for hard living, but it's not the kind of thing that I care to discuss in a public chat facility.
Halspal: I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine.
Halspal: Yeah, I'm going to lay down now.
Halspal: There's a great deal of good sense behind taking away my keyboard at noon.
Halspal: I can't believe I'm allowed on the Internets.
IWhoSawTheFace: Oh come on, H. Let that uncensored id play a little while
Halspal: You know, God love Mary, she does what she can, but we need grown-ups around here, stat.
riverrun: You rang?
Halspal: Yeah, we're not ready for real grown-ups yet, Mark.
riverrun: There's no unrequited love like real grownup unrequited love. I always say.
Halspal: I think you stole that from me.
riverrun: I steal it all, basically. From Johnnygoodyear. God knows where she gets it.

misterfuffie: How many E2 editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
misterfuffie: None, they'll just leave node notes about it.
misterfuffie: "2008 08 05 - Bulb burned out." "2011 06 04 - Is anybody going to do something about this?"

IWhoSawTheFace: How many Sim3s does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
misterfuffie: If you ingrates would stop with your piddling affairs, you could change them yourselves. Goodbye.

Aerobe: Subtext isn't nonsensical. I'm a master-class flirt, I would know.
Clockmaker: No, it really is. It's either in the text or in your head; there's no third location.
Aerobe: Yawn, I'd rather painstakingly explain implication to Clockmaker, by which I mean I'd rather guzzle battery acid.

The Custodian: We have better cannon. We don't need to concern ourselves with public opinion.

mat catastrophe: we do not accept that there are women on the internet. it makes the math weird.

IWhoSawTheFace: I don't care how much you stare at me with those laser beam eyes, it won't work.

Clockmaker: James Joyce should have been shot at birth. Not disposed of in some less gory, more humane way, shot in his baby face with a shotgun. Fuck him and fuck his puerile bullshit non-books.
Montag: Heavens, what an angry man.
Montag: I like this, it's like insert coin, receive vitriol. Harold Pinter.

Clockmaker: Well, anyway, it's way, way past my bedtime, so enjoy this parting Fundies Say The Darnedest Things quote:
Clockmaker: "Some things can not be explained by science. Take for example, rainbows. Rainbows are a mystery and you can not touch them, just like god. Despite this fact, they are still there even though there is no scientific explanation for them. So next time you find yourself doubting your faith, think of god as a rainbow. I know that this can be a difficult concept for some of you to grasp. It is just like air you can't see it but you know its there"

IWhoSawTheFace: Don't forget that the Patsy was not above the cheetah print tight pants. And she certainly loved wobbling about in her stilettoed footgear. So you may channel Patsy, and you'd still hold my interest like a laser beam.
SheWhoCannotBeNamed: Patsy (and I) both have that je ne sais quoi that allows us to violate fashion rules in the name of exceptional personal style. And get away with it.

Clockmaker: You don't *need* a toaster to run IOS, because it doesn't improve the toasting. Consequently toasters don't come with built-in Iphones.
sam512: Wait until Apple makes their toaster.


dannye: Fer chrissakes. You don't know me at all, do you?

jethro bodine: UAC 10,10,15
jethro bodine: YOU GUYS ARE SUCKERS!
jethro bodine: UNION CARBIDE T-SHIRTS, $2
jethro bodine: KEEP TALKING I'M TURGID

The Custodian: We are going to drop LEGO into Jupiter's atmosphere. This is just geek heaven.
The Custodian: And it will be worth it even if a gaseous civilization arises to destroy us in LEGO-engineered spacecraft.

misterfuffie: I stepped outside to yell at the kids. they were on my lawn again.
misterfuffie: I feel beset on all sides by inconsiderate youth

Halspal: Stupid. So stupid that it goes way beyond the Stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid.

sam512: The slope is heterosexual marriage -> unrestricted binary marriage -> weighted intransitive irreflexive hyperpolygamy over SSL -> cats and dogs living together.

Zephronias imagines Iwho falling in love the way other people get shot: quickly, unexpectedly, messily and painfully.

Protector of Mankind: macs are like walls of the unstoppable compromised future

BaronWR: It is depressing how worked up people get about terrorism these days. When I was ~6 London got bomb threats on a regular basis and we didn't set about dismantling civil liberties
TenMinJoe: You kids today and your ridiculous fear of being torn apart by an explosion!
BaronWR: I think it's one of the better examples of the long british tradition of not making a fuss

lizardinlaw: I remember catching a boy on the playground in kindergarten. I pinned him and then wondered what I was supposed to do with him.
I felt kind of awkward. But he kept screaming "Don't kiss me! and all the other kids screamed the opposite so I gingerly kissed him and did a catch and release.

Montag: Vending machines are capricious. And quick to anger.
Montag gets his sandwiches through a series of dark rituals known only to himself.

dannye drinks an Osama. Two shots and a splash of water.
The Custodian: dannye: Make sure you have your wife try it first.


Clockmaker: Crystal horses occupy a notoriously difficult ontological position.

amnesiac: Jesus is in Superheaven, yeah, and will come back too, the end times are a complicated matter best left to pros.

dannye: I fully admit to having abused the borg button so badly I should have been permabanned.

ClockMaker: "All these noobs are yours except the literate. Attempt no cynicisms there."

JohnnyCashed: A guy walks into a library and says "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."

E2D2: Well, IWho, in10se is actually leader of the Illuminati.

paper machine: As the Leader and Guide of the Revolution, must insist that collective bargaining is only means to immanentize the eschaton.

BbyGurl_: You people cant right anyway. My mum is an aurther and she knows jk rowling

BbyGurl_: I heard that ooling is lyk tea that you drink

Montag: You know how it is. You keep saying, I'm going to renew that gym/church/lesbian membership.

OuT2FaR: you will never get "perfect the house cast," everyone is a talp
(Yeah, I can't understand him either.)

Jet-Poop: My last words are going to be "Wow, can you believe it's been over 150 billion years since I destroyed all life in the universe?"
RoboQuote: But who will hear them Poop? Who will hear them?
Jet-Poop: Either that or "That's the largest jelly donut I've ever seen! May I eat it?"
Zephronias: Jet-Poop, I think I may love you.
Zephronia:> No, no. I'm pretty damn sure of it. Dude, I love you.
Jet-Poop: Yes, I know, all people love me.

ChristineWinter: Face, if you're gonna be my guilty man-pleasure you need better taste in firearms, son.
ChristineWinter: Booze, smokes, and guns? Take me now.

Zephronias: And a whole horde of saints show up. Jesus groans "Oh no, the fanboys."

thefez: the secret to being me when you grow up is to not grow up!

A Valentine's Day Classic,
cassparadox: Roses are red / Violets are blue / I've got a machine gun / Fuck you

DrownZSurf: The aliens only gave technical advice.

Zephronias: If it makes you feel better, IWho, I only demand to be worshipped by the best and brightest. So you're off the hook.

Norah Davex Everett: swoons in delight when she is hugged by IWhoSawTheFace I Cleopatra will rule Western Lands here i come
IWhoSawTheFace: Wait. Did I hug you?
IWhoSawTheFace: I mean, I meant to!
Zephronias: IWho! Quit flirting with the various gods and goddesses of the world and get back to work cleaning those gutters!
IWhoSawTheFace: They never let me get away with anything here.

Hopeless.Dreamer. thinks IWho would be so much fun drunk.
IWhoSawTheFace: You have no idea.

Zephronias: You know that one kid in grade school who used to snort pixy sticks, jump off the very top of the playground, then bite the teachers when they dragged him away?
Zephronias: That's Iwho.

E2D2: The Custodian: the_custodian's favorite words are: iwho (146), work (139), sam512 (126), actually (120), heh (117), being (116)

Dante Santos watches the Face very carefully from this edge of his Virgin pool, lighting a cigar carefully all the while...
IWhoSawTheFace: Dante, how is the blonde situation down in the islands?
IWhoSawTheFace: Well bikinied?
Dante Santos: Full of promise and peroxide my good friend....

Zephronias: IWHO! You're not allowed to just drag around a fifth grader to write for you!

cassparadox: I used to think IWSTF was female.
cassparadox: It was a hilarious mistake.

BookReader: I believe that dannye once said that he'd never understand IWho's taste in women. If he did indeed say something like that, it's probably one of the few things we agree on.

ALittleHawk: There is no such thing as a bitch, just a woman in an untenable situation!

IWhoSawTheFace: Dinner date w diminuitive daughter! Ta!
Rapscallion: No one is going to comment on IWho dating his daughter?
Rapscallion: Just for the record, I'm against it.
Clockmaker: He's known to have done worse. We're jaded now.
Rapscallion: It's a terrible time at e2.
sam512: He didn't say whose daughter he was dating.
Rapscallion: He was being polite.

Halspal: A Guy Fairy Tale:
Halspal: Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... Will you marry me?
Halspal: The Princess said NO!
Halspal: And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up whenever he felt like it.
Halspal: The End
gnarl: dear halspal, all is forgiven. love, gnarl

(The day after election day) kthejoker: For all the husbands: "Overheard in the voting booth, from Mr. Lisa Murkowski to his wife: "Hon, how do you spell your last name?" According to the New York Times' William Yardley, she did not respond. "

Halspal: I can report without hesitation that Republicans have uber-hot daughters and kind of leathery wives.
dannye: They had the daughters so you would stay away from the wives.
dannye: It's a Latter Day Tactic.
Halspal: Their daughters are unbelievable. And they sort of look right through the hired help.

kthejoker: Although these very words may very well prove my future undoing, I believe with a little effort and denial of my true nature, I could be Sarah Palin's smarter, more eloquent and persuasive successor to the Throne of Crazytown, US.
kthejoker: Imagine if she was just a little smarter, a little wittier, and a little less over her head. She would be ... impossibly dangerous.
Halspal: She was so weirdly poised and confidant at the RNC that there wasn't a person in that arena, Republican or otherwise, who doubted they were listening to the next Vice President.
Halspal: She was chillingly poised.
Halspal: My bar was in a suite for friends and family of McCain and McCain's head money guy leaned over during her speech and said, "Playing it clean all the way through. This race is over."
kthejoker: I may rope Courtney into this - she's basically a closet conservative anyway.
kthejoker: I think this can happen. I think I can take over America.

thefez: Why I remember when we read the Internet from great sandstone monoliths that they put in the center of town!

Halspal: I had an important thought the other day that I'm going to incorporate into my manifesto, but I could give you a preview if you want.
Halspal: I'll take that as a yes.
Halspal: My important thought was about trying to explain the appeal of golf to non-golfers and I realized that golfing humbles people and the dungeons and dragons stuff makes them feel powerful.
Halspal: We're wrestling with an entire generation of people who feel powerful for no good reason.
Halspal: There was an interesting study done which I'm not prepared to cite that asked teenagers in the 1950s if they thought they were an important person and 80% said no. The same poll given in 2010 and 80% thought they were important.
Halspal: You're not important. You're not a wizard. You're never going to be a wizard. You work for wages that buy you a decent humble life.
Halspal: Internet people are not your real friends.
Halspal: Call your mom.

thefez: Listening for even a few moments to Glenn Beck makes me want to feel physical pain to avoid concentrating on his words. That's a pretty amazing power, I have to admit.
thefez: Obtuse like deepest, darkest space.

Spifficus Rex: Canada is basically that guy who lived with his parents until he was 30, then got kicked out when his parents couldn't afford him staying any more.

Dante Santos whistles passed the Old Mining graveyard eating his pimenta negra to avoid fear, but not, as yet, sneezing.
IWhoSawTheFace: ... and by "old" I mean "older than myself"
Dante Santos: Señor!
IWhoSawTheFace smokes a cheroot, realizes his inhospitability, and offers Senor Dante one too
Dante Santos tousles young Face but reluctantly must regain the balance of his burro and head back to this odd Spanish pampas, albeit somewhat confused. And smoking.
Dante Santos: Gracias y adios.
IWhoSawTheFace asks Senor Dante if he is watching The Beautiful Game today? Is the village gathered around the 13 inch Emerson?
IWhoSawTheFace: Would they care for the company of a gringo stranger to cheer with them and drink the indigenous alcohol?
Dante Santos is all about the Olé, Olé ¡
Dante Santos: Ah Gringo Bossman Face, woulod that you were here in my mother's house where all flows from milk to grain, but in your honor, esteemed man of the many places, I will ensure a younger girl is for the future reserved. But for now......Vamoose!
Dante Santos: Espana!
Dante Santos: (y Honduras!)
IWhoSawTheFace: Pura Vida, mysterious Don Diego Santos!
Dante Santos realizes it is not quite time but in his own time is it time and thus has run out of time and so doing hits the Chemical Brothers which causes his burro to spook. He leaves. Cackling. As only he can.

IWhoSawTheFace advises Laz to wear twin orange traffic cones at all times.
Laz: I already do, that's just a basic safety precaution.
Laz: Pro-tip, don't spray paint your safety helmet while you are wearing it. Of course it has to match the traffic cones for style purposes but one's forehead need not be orange also.
IWhoSawTheFace: The Advanced Safety Precaution kit (for buses and tanks) includes 4 cones.
IWhoSawTheFace: You may wish to invest in the 4-cone kit
Laz trusts IWho implicitly, entirely and literally.

Chad Reasco: Go to a go-go bar. Get into a fight. A borderline sociopath and his cousin will join on your side for the hell of it. After fleeing before the cops arrive, you'll drive around town in their car heckling people before splitting up because the sociopath didn't like your tone.
TerribleAspect: But that's what I did on Wednesday in Boise...

(That's how depravities usually get started.)
SimplyCaitlinx: I've passed college (AP) english and I don't start college until august, and I am an avid reader. I have to force him to go into bookstores with me.
SimplyCaitlinx: Yeah, he reads my poetry and "ramblings" but if it's just things I found that I like I have to threaten to deprave him of sex if he doesn't read it. lol.

OuT2FaR: oh this smirch its nothing much, but now I cant where this shirt to church.

Protector of Mankind: I scoffed at the advice to wear gloves, face mask and googles when crushing habeneroes
Protector of Mankind: I blame the various burning parts of my body for the typo
Protector of Mankind: you never know how much you touch your testicles until you handle hot peppers
cassparadox: Could be worse.
cassparadox: My friend Tris makes some mean fajitas.
cassparadox]: Also gives mad blowjobs.
cassparadox: One of his boyfriends was not impressed by the combination.
Protector of Mankind: I know have a pretty good idea how much I touch each part of my body
Protector of Mankind: now
Protector of Mankind: mad as in a lot or fantastic?
cassparadox: Yes.
Chad Reasco: "mad blowjob"; the angriest blow job in the world involves Mexican food certainly.
Protector of Mankind: the burning of my left nostril is both exterior and interior. For the first time I feel the nose and nostril are a single entity
BookReader: Ah, so it's a learning experience.
Protector of Mankind: no longer is there a plane for pimples and an exit ramp for snot. They are one!
Protector of Mankind: Next time I will wear a mask and gloves
BookReader: Only through accepting that body and spirit are one can we obtain a higher plane!
Protector of Mankind enters a shamanic habanero trance
Protector of Mankind: I just wanted to have that hang your peppers to dry and then crush them adn put them on your cheesey toast expirence

cassparadox: It's a bot, Dad.
OldMiner: That would explain my cold mechanical heart and flawless multiplication skills.

drudeal: looking for a drug dealer to work with
The Custodian: Well then let me be the first to invite you the fuck out of here.

Halspal: I'm wary of people with low self-esteem because they know them better than I do.
If you don't like yourself I'm probably not going to like you either.

tanktop: We weave sky-colored silk, recalling the fall of an ancient city; bricks and rocks thrown at starry martyrs. Capering between the fictions of woven facts, we are the bitter, forgotten sisters. Whispering between our wefts. We cast fragments of silk, ocean-born. We roll the dice and draw fallen heroes.
We are flame in the night, bringing low roaring heroes and dragons' fire. In the morning we unweave precious things, when we are forgotten, and have offered honey for our shrines' milk, our midnight mouths reached for the skein to cut. Fickle, forsworn, we wander, despising the fingers that write us, the minds that dream us. Three sisters dig for shards of shattered hearts, the unwritten stories that haunt our unsleeping eyes. Unseen, unheard, we claw the remains of dreams, and inspirations' fodder.

halspal: I'm on internet sabbatical for the summer. I'm putting in a brick patio in real life. It's grueling.
halspal: I fell asleep in my chair last night at 7:00 pm without eating supper and slept straight through to 4:00 in the morning.
halspal: The good news is that I'm bulking up from moving 5 tons of bricks around and am now "ripped" as the kids would say.
halspal: You could bounce a cocktail waitress off of my abs.

kthejoker: The baby safety gates on Amazon are littered with 1 star "unsafe at any speed"-styled reviews. The paranoia on display there gives new meaning to the idea of "birthers."
kthejoker: I'm surprised I haven't seen someone accuse Chinese factory workers of attempting a mass-scale assassination of America's youth.
kthejoker: Also, everyone who posts reviews there are DIY gods who immodestly recount their heroic exploits in milling their own replacement rivets for the inferior hardware they thusly chucked into the trash where it belonged.
kthejoker: I suspect there is a market for a website that simply reviews baby safety products and makes videos of their installation and results.
kthejoker: Maybe I can talk Courtney into this.
kthejoker: If nothing else, it might shame some of these companies into posting YouTube videos of the installation process, instead of these damnable technical documents that elide over any complications that may arise and skip straight to the photogenic, A+ WOULD BUY FROM AGAIN mother and her Benetton model of a child
kthejoker: If they were shooting for realism, they'd show the mother with a glazed look of postnatal regret, a few scattered extra pieces of steel on the ground, a crying baby, and a bottle of prescription pills with an ominously smiling Sandman affixed
in10se: You parents today and your I-don't-want-my-baby-to-get-hurt attitude.
kthejoker: I tried to convince Court that we should just have 8 kids and avoid vaccinations and sanitation and the like and let our strongest genes prosper.
kthejoker: I was promptly vetoed (and for a time I believe I was excommunicated, though I've been welcome back to the fold on a probationary basis due to the income and shared love of Ghostbusters.)

cassparadox: I shall assume that it is SCIENCE and proceed accordingly.

TenMinJoe: The chatroom comments are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!

grundoon: But liz, you know the saying. "I say hurl. If she stays, she's yours forever. But if you blow chinks, and she leaves, it was never meant to be."

Halspal: I'm going to clean the bird cage now. Don't you have bong resin to harvest or something, OuT2FaR?

mkb: hahaha i love reading negative reviews on amazon: 'Listening to "What's Going On" is like having a really sexy civics teacher in high school. She can talk all day about police brutality and the civil rights movement; your mind's somewhere else.'

sam512: I've never seen the original.
kthejoker: Well, that's just preposterous. You're 27 and you have a penis.

IWhoSawTheFace: Whiskey sours are perfectly acceptable, GA, and not at all girly
IWhoSawTheFace: I think. What do I know?
GhettoAardvark: If IWho says they're not, I trust him. IWho is a good barometer of manliness.
IWhoSawTheFace: I am? SWEET!

Feryl: I must admit I am a pretty big fan, IWSTF.

Simulacron3: IWho and I have a special relationship.

Oolong: Bugger sneaking aubergine. Aubergine that's trying to be sneaky is the very worst kind. In fact, aubergine is really only good when it's right out in the open, HELLO I AM AUBERGINE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE NOT NOTICED BUT I AM ACTUALLY DELICIOUS.

kthejoker: Dannye has expressed explicit hatred of "actually", so I await his castigation.


gwenllian: OK... add to the list of things I never thought I'd hear a commentator at the olympics say "And now, the always enjoyable giant inflatable beaver"

tenminjoe: I see Helping someone who practices self-mutilation and my first thought is that if you help them it's not really SELF-mutilation.

TenMinJoe: I tried a sandwich from the new sandwich lady today.
TenMinJoe: It was *rubbish*.
IWhoSawTheFace perks up at the mention of sandwich ladies
TenMinJoe: The "bread", I think, was in fact a burger bun.
TenMinJoe: I had to buy a packet of "mini cheddars" to fill up on.
TenMinJoe: I don't imagine this latest sandwich lady will last long if that's the best she can offer.
kthejoker: Did you go back and complain?
TenMinJoe: The thing with the sandwich lady system is that she is gone by the time I eat the sandwich!
TenMinJoe: No doubt hawking her wares in another office building to more unsuspecting fools.
kthejoker: Ahh, the British. So small and unconfrontational. They make a lovely snack for loudmouthed Americans.
TenMinJoe: Let me tell you, she'll feel my wrath next time she comes around.
TenMinJoe: I'm going to ignore her SO HARD.
IWhoSawTheFace: Best to ignore the imperfections, TMJ, and move on.
kthejoker: Next time she comes around, hand her a good sandwich and say, "THIS is how it's done."
TenMinJoe: That's one plan but it leaves me short one sandwich, kthejoker.
kthejoker: And then charge her a bob, or whatever you call your wacky colored paper these days.
IWhoSawTheFace: A quid
TenMinJoe: Actually, better than ignoring her: I will wait for her to arrive, and then very slowly and obviously produce my own packed-lunch sandwich.
IWhoSawTheFace: OOh that will show her!
TenMinJoe: I specifically planned not to bring a sandwich today, to test the new sandwich lady's mettle!
IWhoSawTheFace: Is there a way you could unwrap the wax paper and glare at her that will make the treatment seem harsher?
TenMinJoe: I could go up to her, and I could look at her sandwiches, and then I could say "Oh, I forgot! I brought my own, superior sandwich."
TenMinJoe: I have already dissed her sandwich to the entire Product team, she'll get no business from them.
kthejoker slowly begins the process of creating the Joehannah FoodCart Corporation
TenMinJoe: One day five years from now I'll be selling sandwiches for a living and I'll suddenly think "Wait, didn't I used to be a software developer? How did I get here?"
spiregrain: This is not my beautiful sandwich cart!
TenMinJoe: My god, what have I done?
spiregrain: ♪ And you may ask yourself, how do I work this sandwich cart? ♫

tWD: The Bust Of Love has been snared by Facebook, I fear. Yet she thrives still. I'll let her know you're panting.
As for me, I'm shirking my job. GOD BLESS E2!

sam512: Actually I've been kind of indifferent about seeing it because I read the script years ago when it was first circulating and it seemed to me like the most cliched and trite collection of scifi tropes I'd ever seen. Grimy dystopias, bizarre aliens which we don't understand but who possess valuable minerals, futuristic American soldiers, fantastical landscapes...
The Custodian: yeah, that's pretty much it. It's a trope checklist. Space Marines! Check. Drop shuttles! Check. Mechs! Check. Wise Native Aliens! Check. Structurally evil military guys! Check. Floating mountains! Check. Feisty woman combat pilot! Check. Hapless scientist good guys! Check. Arbitrary time limits! Check. Older wise (but still feisty) female scientist! Check. Evil exploitative company! Check. Weaselly corp representative! Check.

IWhoSawTheFace: How in the FUCK does same sex marriage threaten the institution of marriage? That is the HEIGHT OF LUNACY
TheDeadGuy: It is just for the lists, Mr. Face. Republicans need lists to remind them what they believe in, otherwise they just run amok screaming senselessly about whatever words or names they see in the news or on billboards.

Halspal: I don't know where this idea that E2 is supposed to groom creative writers or whatever came from but I wish it would die. Say what you mean, mean what you say, run it through a spellchecker and hang it on the wall.

paraclete: Since they took our Empire away, we haven't had anything else to apart from snipe at each other. We like to share this skill with the rest of the World.


Halspal: If welcoming the advice and input of every nutstick that wanders the internet isn't the most insane way to run a rodeo it's one of the top 3

Halspal: I've made such a mess of my life.

spider jerusalem: Life space, time and your own body are pointless and infathomable without inebriants.

Halspal: I always picture OuT2FaR railing against the man from a prosperous middle class home in a lily white suburb wearing sensible clothes that his mom bought for him at the mall and typing to us from his tidy bedroom on an expensive computer.
And when he leaves it's because his mom just yelled, "Timmy, come and get your tuna fish sandwich and chips, sweetie."
"Not now, mom. I'm railing against The Man."

amib: E2 always feels slightly like going through someone's garbage.

Augustine: WD "fucks like a god". Sadly, he is still as vulnerable to mace as the next man.

grundoon: IWho, as usual, has just tapped into some extremely weird but ap