af*ter'shave n. [E.]


A patent medicine or nostrum liniment used as a mortification of the flesh, in conjunction with ritual ablution and scarification. The liniment is synthesized from sacerdotally prescribed ingredients including antiseptic firewater, herbs, and petrochemical compounds. In use among modern men, this formula has three chief advantages over its primitive precursor, extract of witch hazel. First, the pain of application is greater, symbolizing a greater purgation of sin and unfashionableness. Second, the pungent ether-and-camphor odor is more potent in repelling coworkers and other vermin. Last, it is more expensive, which in the modern mind indicates its quality.


A fragrance or perfume produced in imitation of aftershave, which has none of the antiseptic properties, but an odor yet more aggressive.

This has been a Webster 1913 parody.